So, it was a relatively tame weekend, by 2017 standards. Oh sure, maybe down in Texas a few legislators threatened to shoot each other, and maybe th’Post published a disturbing exposé that revealed the intelligence community has to resort to tricks like filling our Idiot Manchild President’s intelligence briefings with pornographic cartoons and scratch n’ sniff stickers to get him to pay attention, but generally the madness rained down so lightly you’d scarcely even notice it…
Yeah yeah, we all woke up in a world where some rich dude got elected to congress the day after body-slamming a reporter*. It sucks, and of course the media loves to trot out smug idiots in their Funyon-stained TRUMP THAT BITCH sweatshirts to talk about how All Them Reporters Haz it Comin’, but you know what? Every single congressional district except ONE isn’t in Montana, and they’re all up for grabs in a year and a half.
Let’s start with the good news, Resistors! Didja see that shit where a couple of badass Democratic women won state legislative seats in New York and New Hampshire? Seats held by Republicans since Mitch McConnell was a mere hatchling? Seats that Drumpf carried by safe margins just last November? Yeah. That was pretty sweet, wasn’t it?
Y’know what’s absolutely fucking nutty, friends? I look at today’s news, which would have made newspapers in any other year in human history shriek like banshees, and I think “Meh. Not really up to the standards of say, last Wednesday.”
In short…shit be cray.
Jesus fucking Christ, the news! Gaze not into the news lest it gaze back at ye!
And Thursday was so quiet. After being stuffed in a bag and thrown into the dryer with Wednesday’s news, it was almost quaint to learn a few more details about the Comey memos. “Oh, he tried to hide in the curtains, that’s cute, and apparently extra amusing because he is unusually tall. I’ve only ever seen him sitting down, so I did not know that. Fun!”