Somewhat predictably, a bunch of voices from the GOP are out making the rounds already, screeching that after the endless parade of right wing shooters/murderers all being Lone Wolves Who Couldn’t Possibly Have Been Motivated in Any Small Way By the Perpetual Right Wing Outrage Media Machine, today’s shooting (well, the first one. There was actually a SECOND mass shooting.) is 100% the fault of the Entire Left and their unfair criticism of the Poor Put Upon Victim in the Oval Office.
Hey there folks. So, I’ve been out of town for a few days, and I’m trying to catch up on the news real quick. Maybe you can help me out. Is shit still cray? Is shit still breathtakingly, overwhelmingly, face-smashingly, bat-shittingly cray?
Whelp, the President’s Loyal Huntin’ Dawg Beauregard takes his turn on the hot seat tomorrow; he tried to sneak by with a private hearing, but nobody was having any of that shit, so America gets to watch the Yokel of Injustice refuse to answer questions tomorrow afternoon, live! in stunning Technicolor!
Well Resisters, America’s two Racist Dads are fighting! The media is chock full of reports that the Marmalade Shartcannon and his Loyal Huntin’ Dawg Beauregard find themselves at odds! Shartboy’s all hot n’ bothered that Ol’ Beau recused himself from the Russia investigation for the lil’ ol’ reason that he was caught a-perjurin’ hisself before the cawngress. Sources tell me the President hit Sessions several times on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper, while proclaiming Sessions to be a “bad boy,” and Beau retaliated by whizzing on the Oval Office carpet.