Shower Cap

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8 hours ago
In ten months, Trump will walk away from a “summit”with Rouhani, having agreed to vacate all American military bases in the Middle East, proclaiming he's solved all the region's problems and demanding a special session of Nobel Committee to award him a SUPER Peace Prize. https://t.co/hjXt9c0OuG
8 hours ago
Sooooooooooooo... https://t.co/lkLX0yuwtG
CapShower photo
Adam Best @adamcbest
Georgia State Rep. Jason Spencer did a racist Asian impression, screamed the N-word and ran around with his bare ass hanging out on Sacha Baron Cohen’s #WhoIsAmerica. The Republican Party, ladies and gents! https://t.co/lxny3MDkG0
14 hours ago
#NeverTrump folks, we love you, we respect you, we understand you, we appreciate and welcome your help.

But you do not get to sit outside the Democratic Party and tell us where to stand. On issues, on tactics, on the toppings for our fucking pizzas.
NUMBER TWO

NUMBER TWO

Vice-President

Mike Pence is the Patron Saint of Mediocre White Dudes, and the Roman God of Failing Upwards.

A Democrat in his youth, Pence, like many men of limited intelligence, turned to religious conservatism for the convenience of being able to end arguments by claiming God shares his every fear and prejudice, while forgiving his every shortcoming, how convenient.

UNSEXY REXY

UNSEXY REXY

Secretary of State

Over the course of three decades, Rex Tillerson fucked, bribed, and murdered his way to the top of Exxon Mobil, like some sort of jowlsy Eva Peron.

MNUCHBAG

MNUCHBAG

Secretary of the Treasury

Steve Mnuchin, like his namesake, the Noise You Make When You’re Dry Heaving After Getting Food Poisoning From Eating Truck Stop Gas Station Roller Hot Pockets on a Road Trip, is deeply unpleasant, and may result in the involuntary voiding of foul-smelling bodily fluids.

THE GENERALS

THE GENERALS

Secretary of Defense
Chief of Staff
National Security Advisor

Holy shit, there are Generals all over the place these days, aren’t there?

Retired General James Mattis serves as Secretary of Defense. Retired General John Kelly ran Homeland Security for a bit, before becoming the Lead Executive Branch Babysitter, excuse me, Chief of Staff. H.R. McMaster’s the National Security Advisor, and hell, he’s still on active duty.

OL’ BEAUREGARD The President's Loyal Huntin' Dawg

OL’ BEAUREGARD The President's Loyal Huntin' Dawg

Attorney General

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, third generation of his family to carry the name of a Confedarate piece of trash and also a second Confederate piece of trash, is living his dream. As Velveeta Goebbels’ Attorney General, he’s turning back the clock to a time when women and minorities knew their place, and mediocre white dudes like himself got to run everything, even if they weren’t especially bright.

ZINKE BOOTZ

ZINKE BOOTZ

Ryan Zinke is like if the crappiest robot in Westworld escaped and jumped into conservative politics. He’s such a cartoon cowboy, I bet his right boot says “Andy” on the bottom.

WIL-BUR, THE GNOME KING

WIL-BUR, THE GNOME KING

Secretary of Commerce

When a witch’s curse transformed his master into a Beast and his fellow servants into household objects, Wilbur Ross became a decorative garden gnome. Unlike the rest of his compatriots, he ventured out into the world to make his fortune in the realm of shady international finance and money laundering, and when True Love’s Kiss lifted the curse, Wilbur was too far away for the enchantment to reverse, and thus he remains trapped in gnome form forever.

PLAGUEMASTER T

PLAGUEMASTER T

Secretary of Health and Human Services

If the Hippocratic Oath is binding in any sort of spiritual sense, Tom Price is royally fucked, y’all. There is some straight Dante shit awaitin’ him in the afterlife.

DOCTOR NAPTIME

DOCTOR NAPTIME

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

Dr. Ben Carson is only in politics because he was rude President Obama to his face. At the 2013 National Prayer Breakfast, a traditionally non-political event, Dr. Ben, having been invited as the keynote speaker, decided to use his time to shit on the President and his policies.

THE DEVOSTATOR

THE DEVOSTATOR

Secretary of Education

Betsy DeVos is what happens when bored white ladies have enough money to really fuck shit up. Turns out, if you’re born rich and marry richer, you don’t have to settle for a book club, you can buy yourself a whole cabinet department!

SCOTTY 2 HAUGHTY

SCOTTY 2 HAUGHTY

Administrator of the EPA

Scott Pruitt, like a lot of boys his age, grew up watching Captain Planet cartoons. Unlike most boys his age, he decided that the various sludge-smog-and-toxic-waste-slinging villains were the role models for him.

Ok, fine. Pruitt is ten years too old to have grown up on Captain Planet, but fuck you, that’s a good opening paragraph. Make your own fucking website, you don’t like it.

PUBIS

PUBIS

Chief of Staff

Nobody wants to be Reince Priebus when they grow up. He’s just so immediately recognizable as a weaselly little tapeworm of a man, y’know?

Reince Priebus is the sort of person who would be played by Brad Dourif in a film.

DARTH WINO

DARTH WINO

Chief Strategist

Steve Bannon played Bob Ewell in a high school production of To Kill a Mockingbird, and liked it so much he decided to stay in the character for the rest of his life.

A self-described Leninist, and an outspoken populist*, Bannon wants to kidney-punch the administrative state, give it a wedgie, and steal its lunch money.

JAR-JAR

JAR-JAR

Senior Advisor/Son-in-Law

Jared Kushner was born on third base and thinks he invented baseball.

Jared’s dad, Charles Kushner, went to jail for tax evasion, illegal campaign donations, and, ahem, “witness tampering,” by which I mean he set his brother-in-law up with a hooker (not, I’m sad to report, of the Pissing Russian variety) and recorded their genital-smushing in order to blackmail him.

HEY, KELLYANNE!

HEY, KELLYANNE!

Senior Counsel

Hey, Kellyaaaaaaaaaaaanne!
Hey, Kellyaaaaaaaaaaaanne!

When you worked for Akin, things weren’t simple
Cuz he got caught on tape
With legitimate rape

4-HEDD THE SHITTY WHITE GUY FROM BEYOND THE STARS

4-HEDD THE SHITTY WHITE GUY FROM BEYOND THE STARS

Senior Advisor for Policy

Why is it always the shittiest imaginable white dudes who turn out to be white supremacists?

Stephen Miller, who started balding eleven seconds after his conception, has by all accounts been a sack of monkey shit pretty much every single minute of his life.

THE MOOCH

THE MOOCH

Director of Communications

Oh wow, this new Communications Director looks like a real character, huh?

Where to begin? Ok, Anthony Scaramucci first came to –

Wait, what? Really?

KKKRIS KKKOBACH

KKKRIS KKKOBACH

White Supremacist Multi-Tool

Kris Kobach is like the protagonist of the white supremacist version of one of those Disney movies where a kid learns to chase his dreams, no matter how big. The kid gets tired of the monotonous grind of burning crosses on just one lawn at a time, and dreams of burning a cross big enough for the whole dang country!

Maybe he has a talking/singing Confederate flag for a sidekick. Named “Bedford.”

“DOC” GORKA

“DOC” GORKA

Roving Freelance Fascist

As seen in the famed documentary RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, when the Ark of the Covenant was opened on an uncharted island north of Crete, the burning light that issued thereof reduced the Nazi soldiers present to piles of ash and molten flesh. In time, the rains washed the fascist bio-goo into the island’s sewage system, where it mixed with the shit and piss and used tampons and such, and in time it congealed, took the shape of a man (albeit an unattractive one), slapped on a pair of glasses, and Sebastian Gorka was formed.

ATLAS CRAPPED

ATLAS CRAPPED

Speaker of the House

Paul Ryan was cloned from a single pubic hair plucked from Ayn Rand post-coitus and grown in a still in Charles Koch’s back yard.

YERTLE

YERTLE

Senate Majority Leader

Many years ago, Gamera was following the Grateful Dead on tour, and engaged in a brief-but-life-affirming affair with an Ohio River ‘gator that hung around Ma McConnell’s pig farm, picking off runts for sustenance. Nine months later, young Mitch emerged from a leathery egg, and devoured his fellow hatchlings, beginning his life-long love affair with hurting children.

In Which Cap Rewrites the Greatest American Hero Theme Song to be About Devin Nunes Fucking a Pig

Monday, February 5th, 2018

The weekend was relatively quiet, so you sort of expected the calm wouldn’t last. It didn’t.

So open a bag of new Crunchless Doritos For Her, pour yourself a glass of Hush, the Menfolk Are Talking brand boxed wine, and strap yourself in for the Monday Nite Madness Update.

Paul Ryan demands your praise, peasants! The wealthy have, for the time being, unlocked the dumpsters behind their mansions, and you may eat of their refuse!

Ryan, that working class hero, trumpeted the tale of some barely-human wage slave, whose Paul-Ryan-gifted buck-fifty-per-week salary increase would cover her FUCKING COSTCO MEMBERSHIP with e’en enough riches leftover to purchase ketchup packets to flavor the children’s lunchtime bowls of warm water, if only on special occasions. SHOW YOUR OVERLORDS YOUR GRATITUDE, SERFS!

And vast stretches of land in what was recently the Bears Ears and Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monuments are now open to mining claims, because natural beauty is, as we have established, for CUCKS. Anyway, if anybody wants to team up with me, I’m thinkin’ of heading out west to mark my Unobtanium claim. I promise not to go all Fred C. Dobbs on ya.*

Hey, the forces of sanity actually chalked up a couple of wins, for a change! K.T. McFarland, having apparently read up on the legal consequences of lying under oath, withdrew her nomination for Ambassador to Singapore!

Also, Lunatic Hates-Science-So-Much-She-Still-Holds-a-Grudge-Against-Galileo Fanatic Kathleen Hartnett White won’t be heading up the Council on Environmental Quality, because apparently there’s actually a line too low for even THIS administration to cross, which I confess surprises me.

…now if we can just navigate the next thousand miles of this minefield of madness…

Wait, what? An authentic, Holocaust-denying ACTUAL NAZI will be the Republican Party’s candidate for a U.S. Congressional seat? Lord. And that isn’t even the only story involving Holocaust denial and Congress in the last week.

So much for sanity.

Team Fiscal Conservatism decided that giving their oligarch donor class a fat fuckin’ tax cut was so important it was worth a massive increase in federal borrowing, so we’ll be passing the collection plate around to the tune of almost a trillion bucks this year.

It’s just the darndest thing, how Republicans bitch and moan about deficits whenever Democrats try to, y’know, improve people’s lives, but all that concern evaporates like a fart on the wind when Charley Koch decides he wants to gold-plate his small intestine.

There was a big football game Sunday evening, or as viewed by the Candycorn Skidmark and his Jagoff Support Squad, one last opportunity this season to stoke his shitty white jag base’s racial resentments!

I’m not really a football guy, but I guess the team with the biggest Trumpsters lost, and several members of the victorious Eagles are already saying “FUCK no I’m not going to the Shart House, I don’t wanna get ketchup and experimental hair tonic on my good shoes,” and Jake Tapper seemed pleased, so the ending seems happy enough to me.

Of course, celebrations in Philadelphia turned violent and destructive, with widespread property damage prompting a swift and merciless response from militarized law enforcement, who turned out in riot gear, assaulting the crowd with rubber bullets and tear gas.

HAHAHAHAH DON’T BE SILLY THESE WERE WHITE PEOPLE THROWING A PARTY OVER A SPORTING EVENT NOT BLACK PEOPLE SUGGESTING THEIR LIVES MATTER HA HA HA.

Pennsylvania Republicans asked Justice Samuel Alito to please-o-please let them keep their meticulously gerrymandered congressional districts so that they don’t have to actually be accountable to their voters, but Alito said “Broseph, this is so corrupt even I can’t give you any cover,” and thus Pennsylvania Republicans became sad.

Of course the Penn GOP is screeching about seeking further judicial remedies. Now, I know Republicans don’t understand the Constitution, but don’t any of them even bother to read it anymore? What do these dopes think comes after SCOTUS? You can’t just set up a kangaroo court in Sean Hannity’s basement, y’know.

Oh, but now they’re trying to get the Pennsylvania Supreme Court judges who ruled in the first place impeached. This is the modern Republican way; when the rule of law asserts itself, destroy the enforcers.

Mick Mulvaney quietly smothered the investigation into the Equifax data breach, because why should the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau do anything silly like protect consumers?

Well, I put it off as long as I could, but there’s no avoiding it, I guess. But I just don’t WANNA. It’s just so dumb and grating and…

…Fine. Everybody turn Metal Machine Music up full blast and let’s talk about Devin “Pigfucker” Nunes and his pigfucking goddamn MEMO.

The memo itself remains ridiculous, an unsubstantiated talk radio wet dream debunked immediately upon landing. Fuck, even Gowdy Doody says it does fuckall to undercut the Russia investigation. So far from it, in fact, that it OPENLY CONFESSES the whole thing got rolling when that dumbshit Papadopolous kid couldn’t handle his Foster’s.

But anybody who still thinks silly little things like “facts” or “the truth” matter to right anymore must’ve missed everything that’s happened over the last decade, from Birtherism to Benghazi to Pizzagate. Devin coulda released his (curiously pork-rind-heavy) grocery list, and Lou Dobbs would still dutifully declare it to be irrefutable proof of FBI corruption so deep their headquarters should be put to the torch with the whole staff inside.

The Marmalade Shartcannon himself wasted no time proclaiming himself Completely Vindicated Plus Salma Hayek Will Totally Date Me Now.

Shart, Jr. agreed with Daddy, declaring the memo to be “sweet revenge,” apparently believing Devin’s little stunt has taken care of the Russia problem once and for all, leaving a flustered Robert Mueller clutching the MEMO and shouting “NUUUUUUUUUNEEEEEEES” into the unforgiving night sky.

…nobody tell him, ok? It’ll be more fun if it’s a surprise.

And Nunes himself, wild-eyed with lard dripping from the corners of his mouth, promised further memos, memos upon memos, memos as far as the eye can see, a memo in every pot, memos enough to bury the truth and the law and that pesky United States Constitution forever.

Perhaps worried that there might be somebody somewhere on Earth who takes him seriously, Devin, drunk on bacon grease and his own misperceived might, floated the idea that Shart Carney prolly never even MET that insignificant Papaderpaderp kid, forgetting the little detail about that one photograph. You know, the one the ENTIRE GODDAMN WORLD has seen.

The hits kept on coming for the Ham Hammer, who had initially claimed that the FBI deviously hid the Steele Dossier’s origin as opposition research from the FISA court, only to be forced to backpedal because…he was totally making that shit up.

Still, President Crotchvoid thanked his faithful stooge, proclaiming him a “great American hero,” to which I say…

Why not the GREATEST AMERICAN HERO!?!? CUE THE MUSIC:

Believe it or not, I’m FUCKING A PIG!
I never thought I could feel such glee-ee-eeeee!
Grinding away on a sow in a wig!
Who could it be?
Dry-humping that pig? It’s just meeeeeeeee!

This seems like as good a time as any to remind everyone that all the memo hullabaloo hinges on the idea that there was something untoward about the warrant issued to surveil CARTER FUCKING PAGE, of all people. Yeah, the same CARTER FUCKING PAGE who likes to brag about his Kremlin ties.

Anyhow, the House Intel Committee voted to release Adam Schiff’s counter-memo, kicking it over to the White House for a thumbs up or down. That decision should be…interesting.

Oh hey, the President of the United States of America offhandedly suggested that opposition party members refusing to bestow sufficiently enthusiastic praise upon his dishonest, drone-y speech amounts to “treason,” that’s fun! Not in a “Pizza Party Where Your Mom Gives You a Roll of Quarters to Play the X-Men Arcade Game way, but in more of a Wow That’s the Sort of Thing Stalin Would Say sort of way!

Anyhow, while Donnie Dotard was busy rambling about his greatness, the Dow Jones tanked like a Trump University grad in a job interview, losing 1175 points, the biggest single-day point decline in history. Having spent months petulantly demanding credit for every new stock market increase, Shartboy was…curiously silent today.

Dang it. Michele Bachmann won’t be running for a Minnesota Senate seat, because God didn’t speak to her through How I Met Your Mother reruns like he usually does. Yo, GOD? Do you really begrudge us our fun? After more than a year of getting pummeled by this shitstorm, don’t we deserve the simple joy of watching this psychopath faceplant one last time?

Breaking late from the Failing New York Times is the tale of Government Cheese Goebbels’ lawyers urging their client to refuse to sit for an interview with the Mueller investigation for the simple reason that he lies the way most people blink, and lying to federal investigators is a crime.

Heh. “Your honor, my client cannot testify because he will certainly perjure himself if he does.” Good luck with that strategy, gents.

Ok, friends. I’m signing off before any more news about the fucking MEMO can break. Be good to yourselves out there.

*When a dude in a superhero mask pledges to maintain mental composure in a prospecting environment…y’know, caveat emptor.

Shower Cap

Sign Up for My Updates!

8 hours ago
In ten months, Trump will walk away from a “summit”with Rouhani, having agreed to vacate all American military bases in the Middle East, proclaiming he's solved all the region's problems and demanding a special session of Nobel Committee to award him a SUPER Peace Prize. https://t.co/hjXt9c0OuG
8 hours ago
Sooooooooooooo... https://t.co/lkLX0yuwtG
CapShower photo
Adam Best @adamcbest
Georgia State Rep. Jason Spencer did a racist Asian impression, screamed the N-word and ran around with his bare ass hanging out on Sacha Baron Cohen’s #WhoIsAmerica. The Republican Party, ladies and gents! https://t.co/lxny3MDkG0
14 hours ago
#NeverTrump folks, we love you, we respect you, we understand you, we appreciate and welcome your help.

But you do not get to sit outside the Democratic Party and tell us where to stand. On issues, on tactics, on the toppings for our fucking pizzas.
NUMBER TWO

NUMBER TWO

Vice-President

Mike Pence is the Patron Saint of Mediocre White Dudes, and the Roman God of Failing Upwards.

A Democrat in his youth, Pence, like many men of limited intelligence, turned to religious conservatism for the convenience of being able to end arguments by claiming God shares his every fear and prejudice, while forgiving his every shortcoming, how convenient.

UNSEXY REXY

UNSEXY REXY

Secretary of State

Over the course of three decades, Rex Tillerson fucked, bribed, and murdered his way to the top of Exxon Mobil, like some sort of jowlsy Eva Peron.

MNUCHBAG

MNUCHBAG

Secretary of the Treasury

Steve Mnuchin, like his namesake, the Noise You Make When You’re Dry Heaving After Getting Food Poisoning From Eating Truck Stop Gas Station Roller Hot Pockets on a Road Trip, is deeply unpleasant, and may result in the involuntary voiding of foul-smelling bodily fluids.

THE GENERALS

THE GENERALS

Secretary of Defense
Chief of Staff
National Security Advisor

Holy shit, there are Generals all over the place these days, aren’t there?

Retired General James Mattis serves as Secretary of Defense. Retired General John Kelly ran Homeland Security for a bit, before becoming the Lead Executive Branch Babysitter, excuse me, Chief of Staff. H.R. McMaster’s the National Security Advisor, and hell, he’s still on active duty.

OL’ BEAUREGARD The President's Loyal Huntin' Dawg

OL’ BEAUREGARD The President's Loyal Huntin' Dawg

Attorney General

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, third generation of his family to carry the name of a Confedarate piece of trash and also a second Confederate piece of trash, is living his dream. As Velveeta Goebbels’ Attorney General, he’s turning back the clock to a time when women and minorities knew their place, and mediocre white dudes like himself got to run everything, even if they weren’t especially bright.

ZINKE BOOTZ

ZINKE BOOTZ

Ryan Zinke is like if the crappiest robot in Westworld escaped and jumped into conservative politics. He’s such a cartoon cowboy, I bet his right boot says “Andy” on the bottom.

WIL-BUR, THE GNOME KING

WIL-BUR, THE GNOME KING

Secretary of Commerce

When a witch’s curse transformed his master into a Beast and his fellow servants into household objects, Wilbur Ross became a decorative garden gnome. Unlike the rest of his compatriots, he ventured out into the world to make his fortune in the realm of shady international finance and money laundering, and when True Love’s Kiss lifted the curse, Wilbur was too far away for the enchantment to reverse, and thus he remains trapped in gnome form forever.

PLAGUEMASTER T

PLAGUEMASTER T

Secretary of Health and Human Services

If the Hippocratic Oath is binding in any sort of spiritual sense, Tom Price is royally fucked, y’all. There is some straight Dante shit awaitin’ him in the afterlife.

DOCTOR NAPTIME

DOCTOR NAPTIME

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

Dr. Ben Carson is only in politics because he was rude President Obama to his face. At the 2013 National Prayer Breakfast, a traditionally non-political event, Dr. Ben, having been invited as the keynote speaker, decided to use his time to shit on the President and his policies.

THE DEVOSTATOR

THE DEVOSTATOR

Secretary of Education

Betsy DeVos is what happens when bored white ladies have enough money to really fuck shit up. Turns out, if you’re born rich and marry richer, you don’t have to settle for a book club, you can buy yourself a whole cabinet department!

SCOTTY 2 HAUGHTY

SCOTTY 2 HAUGHTY

Administrator of the EPA

Scott Pruitt, like a lot of boys his age, grew up watching Captain Planet cartoons. Unlike most boys his age, he decided that the various sludge-smog-and-toxic-waste-slinging villains were the role models for him.

Ok, fine. Pruitt is ten years too old to have grown up on Captain Planet, but fuck you, that’s a good opening paragraph. Make your own fucking website, you don’t like it.

PUBIS

PUBIS

Chief of Staff

Nobody wants to be Reince Priebus when they grow up. He’s just so immediately recognizable as a weaselly little tapeworm of a man, y’know?

Reince Priebus is the sort of person who would be played by Brad Dourif in a film.

DARTH WINO

DARTH WINO

Chief Strategist

Steve Bannon played Bob Ewell in a high school production of To Kill a Mockingbird, and liked it so much he decided to stay in the character for the rest of his life.

A self-described Leninist, and an outspoken populist*, Bannon wants to kidney-punch the administrative state, give it a wedgie, and steal its lunch money.

JAR-JAR

JAR-JAR

Senior Advisor/Son-in-Law

Jared Kushner was born on third base and thinks he invented baseball.

Jared’s dad, Charles Kushner, went to jail for tax evasion, illegal campaign donations, and, ahem, “witness tampering,” by which I mean he set his brother-in-law up with a hooker (not, I’m sad to report, of the Pissing Russian variety) and recorded their genital-smushing in order to blackmail him.

HEY, KELLYANNE!

HEY, KELLYANNE!

Senior Counsel

Hey, Kellyaaaaaaaaaaaanne!
Hey, Kellyaaaaaaaaaaaanne!

When you worked for Akin, things weren’t simple
Cuz he got caught on tape
With legitimate rape

4-HEDD THE SHITTY WHITE GUY FROM BEYOND THE STARS

4-HEDD THE SHITTY WHITE GUY FROM BEYOND THE STARS

Senior Advisor for Policy

Why is it always the shittiest imaginable white dudes who turn out to be white supremacists?

Stephen Miller, who started balding eleven seconds after his conception, has by all accounts been a sack of monkey shit pretty much every single minute of his life.

THE MOOCH

THE MOOCH

Director of Communications

Oh wow, this new Communications Director looks like a real character, huh?

Where to begin? Ok, Anthony Scaramucci first came to –

Wait, what? Really?

KKKRIS KKKOBACH

KKKRIS KKKOBACH

White Supremacist Multi-Tool

Kris Kobach is like the protagonist of the white supremacist version of one of those Disney movies where a kid learns to chase his dreams, no matter how big. The kid gets tired of the monotonous grind of burning crosses on just one lawn at a time, and dreams of burning a cross big enough for the whole dang country!

Maybe he has a talking/singing Confederate flag for a sidekick. Named “Bedford.”

“DOC” GORKA

“DOC” GORKA

Roving Freelance Fascist

As seen in the famed documentary RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, when the Ark of the Covenant was opened on an uncharted island north of Crete, the burning light that issued thereof reduced the Nazi soldiers present to piles of ash and molten flesh. In time, the rains washed the fascist bio-goo into the island’s sewage system, where it mixed with the shit and piss and used tampons and such, and in time it congealed, took the shape of a man (albeit an unattractive one), slapped on a pair of glasses, and Sebastian Gorka was formed.

ATLAS CRAPPED

ATLAS CRAPPED

Speaker of the House

Paul Ryan was cloned from a single pubic hair plucked from Ayn Rand post-coitus and grown in a still in Charles Koch’s back yard.

YERTLE

YERTLE

Senate Majority Leader

Many years ago, Gamera was following the Grateful Dead on tour, and engaged in a brief-but-life-affirming affair with an Ohio River ‘gator that hung around Ma McConnell’s pig farm, picking off runts for sustenance. Nine months later, young Mitch emerged from a leathery egg, and devoured his fellow hatchlings, beginning his life-long love affair with hurting children.

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