Well, because the Deep State fears my work, they have infected me once again with the stomach flu. I’ve vomited on this blog post several times. I did my best to clean it up, but make sure to sanitize your screen after reading.

It doesn’t feel right to celebrate Presidents Day this year, not with this President. You shouldn’t get the day off school, there should be extra school. We should all have to mine coal for five hours while the PA system broadcasts a documentary on the dangers of fake news, narrated by Gilbert Gottfried.

The level of day-to-day fuckery is so high with this malicious clown, it seems to take something truly obscene to genuinely shock us anymore.

Well, Donald J. Trump, (The “J” stands for “No way ’empathy’ is a real word, General Kelly, you just made that up!”) bitter at being trapped inside his club but unable to golf (wow, there’s a Twilight Zone moment for ya) for two whole days in order to maintain the facade that he gives half a rat’s ass about anybody, least of all the children murdered in Parkland, took to the pneumatic tweeting machine to expose the darkest shit-stained corners of his withered, decaying, soul.

Sure, there was all the anticipated whining, the blame deflection, the nonsensical, dishonest, babbling about Obama and Hillary and the dossier. All that, while deeply humiliating for this nation we love, was, alas, totally expected.

But that wasn’t enough, was it?

No, the Hairplug That Ate Decency, who remains too cowardly to face the the activist survivors of the Parkland shooting, who fled his responsibilities as the nation’s consoler-in-chief by flitting as quickly as possible through a couple of token photo ops with a shiteating grin and a thumbs up, had the audacity to prop up the dead bodies of murdered children as shield to cower behind.

If only the FBI wasn’t spending so much time on the Russia investigation (and even he doesn’t dare call it a hoax anymore, not after the latest indictments), the shooting wouldn’t have happened. That’s the story. The men and women working to protect the country from a hostile foreign adversary are somehow to blame for this senseless act of violence, for they are investigating poor, put-upon, Donald Trump.

God, the obscenity of it.

Won’t say a single word condemning Russia for attacking us. Won’t lift a finger to protect the country he is literally in charge of protecting. Instead, he assaults the nation’s law enforcement for uncovering a crime, using the casualties of an unspeakable tragedy as his cudgel.

He went to a fucking DISCO PARTY rather than meet with anyone who might make him a little bit uncomfortable. A DISCO PARTY.

Fortunately, America is packed to the gills with citizens possessing far greater decency than their President.

The teenage survivors of the shooting are leading the charge, and it’s Capra-on-steroids-level inspiring. They’re calling BS. They’re organizing marches. Others have called for a nationwide school walkout.

You folks just tell me where to stand.

GOP donor Al Hoffman, Jr. says he’s shutting off that sweet cashmoney spigot until Republicans agree to support an assault weapons ban. Rick Scott, drenched with sweat and freaking out from withdrawal, was all “C’mon, man, just a taste, we’re friends,” but so far Al has held firm. Here’s hoping a few more follow his example.

Meanwhile the usual suspects are deploying their usual tactics, hoping to deflect the outrage until the nation moves on. Everybody’s blaming their own personal favorite scapegoat.

The religious right blames America’s declining morality, while circling the wagons around the pussygrabbing traitor.

Jeff Sessions helpfully suggests gangs had something to do with a man who was not in a gang committing mass murder.

And Steve Bannon probably blames the rising cost of gin. Who the fuck cares what these bought-and-paid-for lackeys say? Push them out of the way, especially when we VOTE IN THE GODDAMN MIDTERMS, and let’s build a world where nobody has to listen to some blathering idiot claiming armed teachers and bulletproof backpacks are the answer EVER AGAIN.

And of course, no shooting tragedy is complete without the jibbering maniacs of the far-right declaring the whole thing was massive false flag staged conspiracy! I think it says a lot about a person when they can’t understand why someone would speak out against guns after their teachers and classmates were murdered.

Some people actually care…about other people. Shocking, I know.

Oh, and getting back to the unfiltered indecency for a minute, a White House official even expressed gratitude for the massacre, because it forced the Rob Porter scandal out of the headlines, and gave Team Obscene a little “reprieve.”

Jesus Fuck. What’s truly disgusting is, that off-the-record official is totally right. John Kelly should absolutely be fired for giving a serial domestic abuser access to classified intel when he couldn’t get a security clearance, but Florida took the heat off. LUCKY BREAK, HUH, GENERAL?

Y’know what disqualifies you from advising this President? Expertise. In any field. If you know anything about anything, Government Cheese Goebbels doesn’t wanna hear from you.

Y’know what qualifies you to advise this President? Dropping the $200,000 Marm-a-Lago membership fee right into his shitty little pocket, next to the ketchup packets he always keeps handy in case somebody surprises him with a steak.

Looks like Spittle-Drenched Conspiracy-Monger Wayne Allyn Root took advantage of the opportunity, no doubt to urge sensible action. Or wait, maybe he just wants every American school patrolled by flying death robots. Sounds reasonable.

Gosh, I got so caught up exploring the insane state of the gun debate in this country, I almost forgot the thing where the Mueller investigation detailed a massive foreign conspiracy to interfere in our elections, and also the other bit where the President of the United States doesn’t seem to care much.

A Shart House SpokesDope insisted boogeymen like “Democrats” and “the media” were actually much worse than the Russians, because exposing a crime, or working to punish the perpetrators and make sure they don’t do it again is much much worse than committing the crime in the first place. Duh. Law school 101.

Anyway, it’s super fun poking around the embarrassingly-simple troll farm operations that tore our country apart and installed a Broken Down Diaper Service Truck in our most powerful office. “Even the trolls” were surprised at what they could get the armies of enraged rubes to believe.

After Pizzagate, nothing would surprise me. If anybody’s planning a War of the Worlds type radio show, let’s hold off for a more discerning populace, ‘kay?

So Rick Gates will indeed plead guilty and testify against his old partner, Paul, who is now more #Manafucked than ever. Neat.

If we can take a step back for a minute to look at the larger picture…we’ve got THREE high ranking officials on the Drumpf campaign who are now confessed felons, one of whom served as National Security Advisor, with a fourth under indictment.

Somehow we’ve agreed to this narrative where SHARTUS isn’t in any real trouble unless “collusion” is proved, but we have AN ENTIRE CAMPAIGN RUN BY FELONS, and I don’t think people care as much about that as they should.

It seems Scott Pruitt has some sort of special “waiver” that lets him fly first class (at your expense and mine) whenever he feels like going anyplace. My sources tell me this “waiver” comes in the form of a laminated hall pass, and that the other kids in the Cabinet are jealous of Scott for hogging it, and Ryan Zinke is tired of riding in the back with the peasants.

Speaking of the unwashed masses, Donnie Dotard’s budget calls for the elimination of the program that provides heating assistance subsidies to low income citizens, because to Republicans, if you’re poor, you don’t deserve to live.

HA HA WHAT A FUNNY JOKE, CAP, “IF YOU’RE POOR…” oh wait that really is what their whole philosophy comes down to, isn’t it, ha…ha? I wonder how “If you’re poor, you don’t deserve to live” would look on a red ballcap?

And Shartboy, Jr., is taking a little trip to India to see if he can’t parlay access to his gullible dipshit dad into some quick n’ easy cash. Despite not being a government official of any kind, Junior will be delivering a “foreign policy” speech, which will likely consist of showing off the 7th grade geography quiz he finally passed last week.

Pennsylvania Republicans are throwing a shitfit today, and not just because women and black people can vote. Y’see, the state Supreme Court handed down their new congressional district map, and it is no longer Gerrymandered For Their Pleasure. Under the new map, Dems have a good chance to pick up a seat or two or three, which Republicans say is unfair, because on a level playing field, they’ll actually pay a political price for garbage policies.

CNN reports Mueller’s interest in Jared Kushner is growing, which really shouldn’t surprise us. After all, for the first 30 minutes of the movie, Mueller was always talking about how irritating he found young Jar-Jar, and you know that always means they end up getting together in the end.

I guess Bashful Bob sees something there he never saw before. Is it the tilt of his head, the glint in his eye? Or could it be his well-publicized desperation to leverage his government post for a Kushner family bailout?

We may never know, but…Young Luv, right?

Hey, just because the Super Bowl has come and gone doesn’t mean we’re not still ready for some FOOTBALL, right? In this case, the nuclear football! Axios reports a “scuffle” in China, over That Thing That Can Launch Commands to End All Life on Earth.

So that’s fun. A little slapstick over the nuclear football, some dumbass got caught doping FOR CURLING, and KFC’s out of chicken. Sounds about right. See you at the Mad Hatter’s place, round about tea time.

Oh, and there’s a MAGA dating site now. You have to take an IQ test to sign up, and if you pass, they don’t let you in.

I’m putting this up a little early tonight, so I get back to my NyQuil-infused dreams. I hope I pick up where I left off last night, I was in the middle of an adaptation of Der Ring des Nibelungen as imagined by Julie Taymor in partnership with Timothy Leary. Hour six. Good shit.