NEW FOR YOU:
Shower Cap’s Action Guide for the Goddamn Midterms
That’s right, as the midterms approach Shower Cap has assembled a handy guide for learning more about the most crucial midterms races – the candidates, the issues, the contact info and the donate links. Get educated and jump into action. It’s never been easier than Cap has made it for you.
American Madness Journal
Excellent news, Comrades! The Antifa-Canada alliance has been finalized, and the launch of Operation Jade Helm II: Deep State Boogaloo is imminent! Pick up your Soros-issued paycheck at the Pizzagate joint in your neighborhood, and await General De Niro's orders! Paul...read more
Scientists have created a “psychopath artificial intelligence” by giving it input from the darkest corners of the internet hell men call “Reddit.” Just to spice things up a bit, I have turned today's blog over to this AI. ...just kidding. All this shit happened. In...read more
It's another one of those days when you can't tell which is greater; the malevolence of the ruling regime and their allies, or their raw, mush-brained, imbecility. It's like watching a pack of meth-addled clowns attack the Lincoln Monument with hammers and hacksaws....read more
Hey hey, Shower Captives. First weekend update in awhile, trying to get back to the old schedule. I'm swinging between extremes of laughing my ass at off at the absurd incompetence of the reigning regime and weeping uncontrollably at their cruelty, so cut me some...read more
Fuck, y’all, even I can't keep up with this shit anymore. Today's news is like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Then One Firebombed the Cuckoo's Nest Like Dresden, and Then One Sent a Platoon Full of Soldiers in Clown Makeup Into the Cuckoo's Nest. Anyway, I mixed a...read more
This Memorial Day, Your President Encourages You to Throw All That’s Good and Decent About America on the Grill, and Light that Fucker Up!
I think we need to give even more thanks than usual to our fallen military heroes this particular Memorial Day, since many of them are surely a little restless in the afterlife tonight, wondering, “Wait, I died so this Bloated Tick Grifter could assault the rule of...read more
If this week's news were a political novel, I would compliment the author on the way she veered seamlessly between the high-stakes drama of malignant forces working to destroy the very foundations of the American experiment and the comic buffoonery of blithering...read more
Fuck, y’all. So much madness in the news today, it's like the Bridge on the River Kwai collapsed on top of the American Horror Story: Asylum set while Michele Bachmann was leading a tour. The Republican-led House of Representatives failed to pass the Fucking Farm...read more
Hey, happy Muellerversary, everybody! It's been a whole year of our Special Counsel handing out subpoenas and indictments, keeping a certain spray-tanned grifter's sheets drenched in terror sweat. Have yourself a cupcake to celebrate. Or a beer. I'm having a beer....read more
Ebola’s Back, Drumpf’s Trading American Foreign Policy for Chinese Cash, and Somehow Ice Cube is Mixed up in this Shit Now. Wait, WHAT?
I remember being a kid, going on camping trips...we'd gather around the fire, make s'mores and tell scary stories. Maybe the 2018 equivalent would keep the campfire, but we'd read the news to each other and drink till we passed out and had nightmares about a giant...read more
Ah, another day trapped in the crappiest fun house ever. The Skee-Ball machine is broken, the mirrors make my hands tiny and my ass huge, and somebody left the clowns in charge. Well, the Marmalade Shartcannon finally backed out of the Iran nuclear deal, TAKE THAT...read more
Some days, when I wrap up the ol’ Poo Joke Blog, I look over the work and say “Well done, Cap. You've earned your brew tonight.” Others...I step back, look at the thirty-foot-high wall of fresh scum that's accumulated on my beautiful country over just a few short days...read more
Just when you think shit can't get any crazier, enter Rudy Giuliani. Like you're making soup out of cat food, used toothbrushes, and broken glass, and you decide something's missing so you add a whole bunch of meth. Fuck it, let's get through this before I pass out....read more
Hey there, Shower Captives! I'm in like, Day 10 of the cold I picked up while moving, and I don't even have a personal Ronny Jackson to use my illness as an excuse to hook me up with hallucinogens, so I'm mostly just cranky. ...maybe the news will cheer me up. Boy, we...read more
You know how sometimes in old westerns, towards the end, the bad guys break out a bigass crank-operated Gatling gun? The news this week is like one of those guns, only full of bat guano. Mick Mulvaney chided a group of bankers for not bribing Congress hard enough,...read more
Well shit, folks, I got half a dozen push notifications about some fancy British lady living large on public funds squeezing out a baby, so it must be a slow fucking news day, right? Wonder if there's even anything worth blogging about... Boy, that House Republican...read more
Hey folks, let me start by apologizing in advance; I'm sure to miss a bunch of shit today. The moving truck comes tomorrow, and I can FINALLY complete the big migration to the new Cap Cave. As you can imagine, transporting all my state-of-the-art Shart-fighting...read more
Holy hell, folks. It’s like America moved into a giant cave, filled with bats, and they're just showering layer after layer of batshit insanity down upon our weary heads. Well. Strap on your seatbelt and get ready for another installment. Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin...read more
Today we learned that the hand dryers in public restrooms have literally been blowing hot shit all over us for our entire lives. If there's a more perfect metaphor for life in America under Donald Trump, I shudder to imagine it. John Bolton and the Genocidal Mustache...read more
BREAKING: Michael Cohen Claims FBI Agent Ate Slice of Junior’s Cheesecake From His Fridge During Raid
Well, I took a long weekend, and I come back to find shit's so fucked up that Lindsey Buckingham got kicked out of Fleetwood Mac? It's gonna be one of those days, isn't it? I spend a lot of time on this lil’ ol’ blog mocking the President for being a cud-brained...read more
Hey, before we jump in tonight, don't forget to check out Shower Cap's Action Guide for the Goddamn Midterms! Everything you need to navigate the 2018 elections, and focus your activism! It's a hoot, you'll dig it, I promise. I'm really starting to come around on...read more
Fucking hell, what a weekend. You saw where John Lewis was suddenly hospitalized and you were all, “2018, you motherfucker! DON'T. YOU. DARE.” But then Lewis was discharged with a clean bill of health, and Ruth Bader Ginsberg said she was planning on serving for at...read more
Hey, I guess they found water on Mars? GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. My bags are packed, y’all. Rocket me the fuck off this planet before somebody does something legitimately insane, like invent mayonnaise-flavored ice cream. ...GODDAMMIT! There probably isn't any money left...read more
Today, Jason Spencer is a Raving Maniac, Screaming Slurs While Chasing a Man with his Bare Ass. In 2024, He Will Be the Republican Nominee for President.
Anybody else holding out hope that one morning, you'll wake up in your bed back on the farm in Kansas, with Aunt Em and Uncle Henry and three farmhands who look suspiciously like Adam Schiff, Robert Mueller, and Rachel Maddow huddled around you, and maybe that night...read more
All the Russia News You Can Shake a Stick At, and then More Russia News. Sale on Shaking Sticks in the Shower Cap Store.
Greetings, Shower Captives! It is I, Shower Cap But From the Future! I have returned from the trenches of Montenegro in 2025 to warn you of the impending Fourth World War That's Right Montenegro Actually Starts Two Different World Wars in the Next Ten Years! Anyway,...read more