Hey there, Resisters. I hope you enjoyed the long holiday weekend, and that no blood was shed over the Thanksgiving table, no matter how loudly Uncle Earl read those Daily Wire posts during dessert. Anyway, I got this amazing Black Friday deal for double the madness,...

 So, in my internet news-gathering travels this week, I came across that thing where apparently there are folks who like to lie, naked, ass pointed towards the sky, because they believe there are health benefits to be derived from getting sunshine on your butthole,...

 Greetings, fellow Agents of Soros! How are you planning on spending your globalist payoff this week? I was gonna pay down some debt, but reading the news this week, I realized I needed a beer. Or twenty. Holy fuckballs, this shit is CRAY.So, just to get the obscure,...

 Lots of shit has hit lots of fans these past few years, but we’re gonna need all the windmills in Holland to handle the coming turdstorm. I’m trying to save up my energy for the weeklong impeachment buffet, so let’s plow through the appetizers, cleanse our palates...

 Shit remains utterly, uncontrollably, cray, but I confess it’s a great deal more bearable when the good guys are on offense, chalking up wins. So let’s keep a spring in our step as we wade through the thigh-high muck this week, shall we? Well, the public impeachment...

  Since we apparently live in a world where Russian Napoleonic reenactors stumble around drunkenly with backpacks full of human arms, nothing should really surprise us anymore, but I confess I still don't know quite how to navigate this shitstorm. Grab a...

 Everybody’s workin’ for the weekend, right? Except President Crotchrot and his cronies, they’re working to stay out of jail. And also to steal as much of our tax money as possible, of course. And to destroy American democracy. The rest of us will have to make do with...

  I don’t get it; Halloween is supposed to be over, but the news is all monsters, clowns, and abject horror. Can I still get candy from strangers? Or beer, maybe? I need something to take the edge off this shit... Hey, if you ever happen to swallow some sort of...

  I honestly can’t tell the difference anymore between reading the news and having a dozen evil clowns shriek directly into my ear while punching me in the temples. If it’s the clown thing, I apologize, but on the off chance that all this shit is really happening...

 Y’know, I was trying to reflect back on this point in the Obama presidency, and I realized that I had no idea what the fuck was going on at this point in the Obama presidency. I probably had a burger and a few beers, watched some TV, and went to bed without worrying...

 Hello fellow human scum! I hope you’re enjoying being the target of dehumanizing rhetoric from your own government as much as I am! Remember, a Shower Cap Blog a day keeps the stochastic terrorism away!*Well, Team Treasonweasel’s increasingly-panicked defense to the...

 Hey there Shower Captives, apologies for missing our longstanding Monday night date; sometimes even bathrobed superheroes need a mental health day, and anyway, I knew the Screeching Madness Void would be right there waiting for me when I came back, it’s not like...

 Grim shit out there this week, Resisters. The news is all high crimes, ethnic cleansing, and adorable bunnies, and my apologies, cuz I lied about the bunnies. Maybe keep a website with bunny videos open in another window while you read this. Well, the impeachment...

 Honestly, I'm still mostly shell-shocked from facing down the billion-headed hydra that was Last Week's News...and you're telling me there's more? Can't we all just agree to take a few days to crash on the couch, catch up on our shows and crafting projects, just...I...

 So, I was thinking of opening the blog tonight with a little joke like “slow news week, right?” which would be amusing because there was, in fact, a great deal of news this week. Get it? What I'm saying is, take a bathroom break now, and come back with snacks,...

  Well, if you had “it'll get worse before it gets better” in your office pool, you won a bunch of money, cuz holy fuck, things're BAD out there, my friends. In my great and unmatched drunkenness, I shall attempt to guide you through this shitshow; safety most...

 Fuck, y’all. This week. This fucking WEEK. If Churchill were alive today, he would devote the rest of his life to writing a sixteen-volume chronicle of just this week. And he wouldn't finish it, and his kid would take over the series after he died, while HBO turned...

 Shit, as the poet once said, has gotten real. I feel like I need to triple my typing speed just to keep up with everything. The news is moving so fucking fast right now, I must ask your forgiveness in advance if I miss a story here and there, like maybe a small war...

 I was thinking, instead of a blog tonight, maybe I could just stand in the middle of the street and scream "what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck” at the top of my lungs until I pass out. No? Well, since you're already here, I suppose I may as well document the madness, such...

 Man, Amtrak is phasing out the dining car! I love long train trips, and a solid 60% of the craziest conversations I've ever had have come in those charming-if-forced social interactions. The end of an era. Lucky for me, the news contains more than enough abject...

 I tell you what, friends, a trial in a culture where the people inhabit two separate realities is the best idea Lewis Carroll never had. It would be fascinating if it weren’t for the whole Hey Maybe We Don’t Have a Functioning Constitution Anymore aspect of it, which...

  Hey everybody, I almost hate to interrupt whatever filthy, steamy, sex fantasies y’all are no doubt having about Adam Schiff right this very minute, but I figured we should round up the news real quick before disappearing back into his righteous...

 Well, my shit-kickin’ Resistance chums, the impeachment trial is finally here! Never has the stark divide between our bleeding nation’s rival realities been clearer. We have the truth, honor, decency, and justice on our side, but sometimes I confess I’m a little...

  So I took most of the week to focus on launching my little comic book project (more on that later), and I have to say, diving back into the news cycle after a couple days off, GREAT BALLS OF PURE FUCK WHAT THE SHIT IS GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY? It’s like...

 Last week, I was driven right up to the edge of madness, a perfectly reasonable reaction to all the vag candle news and whatnot. If anything pushes me all the way off the cliff, it’s learning that there’re somehow folks who look around our poor, hurting, world, from...