Shower Cap’s Action Guide for the Goddamn Midterms

Hey hey, Shower Captives, it’s finally here! Your scorecard for the 2018 midterm elections!

Poke around a bit, meet the awesome slate of candidates we’re fielding to take Congress back from the collaborating rat finks of the GOP. They’re a good crew; help ‘em out however you’re able. Donate. Phone bank. Volunteer. Spread the word.

Maybe you’ll want to support the candidates who inspire you. Maybe you’d rather concentrate on defeating the jaggiest Republican scumbags. Maybe you’ll want to focus on all the badass women running for office. Maybe you’ll scour the ratings and the polling, and work for the candidates in the closest races. It’s a free fuckin’ country, do whatever you want, but please, do what you can.

And keep checking back, this page is most definitely a work in progress. I’ll be adding new races and new candidates as the primaries resolve, as ratings shift, and as I sober up enough to actually write.

We’re gonna have governor’s races. We’re gonna have funnel cake and a dunk tank. It’s gonna be so very very rad.

Browse by Election Type

Introducing Shower Cap’s Midterms Six Packs!

While all our candidates are awesome, you might not have time to browse through several dozen races. Fear not, Shower Cap has got your back. We’ve prepared these special candidate Six Packs to help you focus your activism!

Holy shit, there are so many kickass women running for office this year, we need five pages to cover ’em all!

Or Use This Handy MAP to Get Around

This page is LONG, but you can jump to the election you’re interested in by clicking the pins on the map. Hover on a pin to see more details.

House Races

This is it, folks, the Battle for the House! If we flip 23 seats, we can pry the committee gavels out of the grubby little mitts of the likes of Devin Nunes and Jeb Hensarling. Open real investigations into Trump’s many crimes. Take control of the budget. Name the post offices after who WE wanna name ‘em after, goddammit!

Just for right now, I’m focusing on Congressional districts that rank as toss-ups or better, but I’ll be adding Republican-leading races as soon as I have fucking time. Go ahead, dive in, meet the team!

The Good Guy

Colin Allred

Colin Allred was a linebacker in the NFL, a Special Assistant at HUD, and a civil rights attorney, before he dispatched one of the most corrupt Republicans in Congress, Pete Sessions, in 2018. He’s carried his experience as a voting rights litigator to Washington, where his voice is desperately needed. Plus it’s always good to have somebody on Capitol Hill that can tackle Wee Don if he tries to start a nuclear war or something.

Texas

TX-32

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Rep

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

 

 

The Bad Guy

Pete Sessions

Pete Sessions is, frankly, corrupt as fuck. From taking shady loans to steering fat government contracts to old buddies for “dirigible research” (You’re probably thinking I made that up. Nope.), Pete-O is is essentially a walking Mel Brooks caricature. He’s also a raging bigot, a Trump lackey, and an NRA goon. He’s opposed the ACA, the Violence Against Women Act, marijuana legalization, and even fucking HURRICANE RELIEF BILLS. This is our best chance yet to kick this shitty, shitty, dude out of Congress, and we should make the most of it.

The Good Gal

Cindy Axne

So, Cindy Axne found her way to politics in the best possible way; she encountered a problem that needed solving, (in this case, a lottery system for half- vs. all-day kindergarten in West Des Moines) and decided to put on her shit-kicking boots and solve it herself. A small business owner, Axne is laser-focused on the needs of the Iowa 3rd, the way things oughtta be. Let’s keep her around. 

Iowa

IA-03

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

David Young

Researching these entries, I was surprised at just how little information of consequence is out there on David Young, a former two-term U.S. CongressDope. Another bland, tax-cuts-for-the-wealthy white dude, David was the walking definition of “backbencher” before Axne beat him in the midterms. His Wikipedia page is just a photograph of cold oatmeal. I see he wants to cut funding for Planned Parenthood, that sucks. Iowa, you still deserve better than Mr. Cellophane.

The Good Gal

Carolyn Bourdeaux

Carolyn Bourdeaux is a professor at Georgia State and a former Director of Georgia’s Senate Budget and Evaluation Office, with public administration experience at all levels of government. Like so many of our candidates, Bordeaux has seen how the American health care system can devastate the pocketbook, and she couldn’t stand aside while her CongressJerk worked diligently to take health insurance away from so many, so she figured she’d just have to replace him. Yes, it’s the South, but this is the sort of suburban district we can pick up in a Blue Wave.

Georgia

GA-07

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Rep

Roll Call: Lean Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Rob Woodall

Rob Woodall used to work for a right-wing idiot CongressFuck before becoming a right-wing idiot CongressFuck himself. Rob is generally just one one more useless Ryan/Trump footsoldier, which means, yes, he voted to steal his constituent’s health care. He also voted to cut his wealthy donor’s taxes, which makes sense, cuz Rob raises only 3% of his campaign funds form real people; the rest is all PACs and the uber-rich.

The Good Guy

Anthony Brindisi

Anthony Brindisi is only a little older than me, and he’s already been in the New York State Assembly since 2011, plus now he’s looking to graduate to the majors. Whereas I dress up in a mask and a bathrobe and tell shart jokes. Can’t say I care for Anthony on guns, but there’s still plenty to like; he’s running on health care, education, women’s rights…well, see for yourself.

New York

NY-22

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Tilt Dem

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Gal

Claudia Tenney

Claudia Tenney SUCKS, y’all. A dutiful little Trumper, she called Congressional Democrats “un-American” for showing insufficient fealty to her Turd Emperor. Tenney gained national fame by pulling the claim that mass shooters tend to be Democrats directly out of her asss. (Claudia is, naturally, an NRA puppet) She’s one of those loons who blames everything on the DEEP STATE, including, I shit you not, Ben Carson’s $31,000 dining set. She also claimed the bullshit GOP tax bill “already paid for” itself, in a genuinely Trumpian display of dumbass mendacity. Even by modern Republican standards, Claudia is hateful, dishonest, and unusually fucking stupid. We deserve better legislators.

The Good Gal

Kristen Carlson

Kristen Carlson has Ross Spano 31 flavors of outclassed. A lawyer with experience in both the public and private sector, she’s been fighting for her community, and winning, for decades now. Carlson’s most impactful work was done in the orange juice field, and if that doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, well, you don’t live in Florida. She’s fighting for health care, gun control…actually, just check out her thoughtful, district-focused, issues page for yourself. Now, this is an expensive media market, and Kristen could really use your help.

Florida

FL-15

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Tilt Rep

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Ross Spano

Wait, Ross Spano is the porn guy? The “Christian,” horny to bring the steely boot of government down on the pornography industry, only to have his own naughty proclivities exposed? Great. In his primary, Ross was the nuttiest, angriest MAGAt in all Florida, but then the polls tightened, and suddenly he’s this bold independent? Sure. An anti-choice fanatic, and a fundamentally dishonest, unethical man, Spano figured anybody with an “R” next to his name would cakewalk here, but he failed to account for how much Ross Spano sucks. Let’s send this jerk home to jerk off. (To PORN, get it?)

The Good Guy

Sean Casten

What better way to fight the anti-science GOP than with a scientist? Sean Casten is a biochemist, and a clean energy entrepreneur. Wouldn’t it be nice to have an environmental warrior in Congress instead of a mush-brained fossil fuel company puppet? Casten is also running on health care and college affordability, and gun control, and…actually, he has an unusually thorough issues page, which you should check out. Detail like that reminds me of Hillary Clinton, and that’s a hefty compliment.

Illinois

IL-06

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Tilt Dem

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Peter Roskam

Peter Roskam is…how shall I put this…a great big smelly butthole. I first encountered Pete during the famous Hilldawg/Benghazi hearing, where he decided to use his platform to bring attention to the heretofore-ignored issue of What a Raging Ignorant Jackass Peter Roskam Is.  Pete was also one of the conservajags who tried to eliminate the independent Office of Congressional Ethics, which is a SUPER-WEIRD thing for a dude who’s faced a significant congressional ethics investigation of his own, isn’t it? He’s a climate change denier and a gun nut, an Obamacare-repealer, an anti-choice fanatic, and a trickle-upper. Vote him off the goddamn planet.

The Good Guy

Gil Cisneros

So, Gil Cisneros was a Navy veteran and a manager at Frito Lay, and then one day, and I swear I’m not making this up, he won TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY SIX MILLION DOLLARS playing the lottery. Me, I would’ve bought a gothic mansion with a super-rad Cap Cave, but Cisneros and his wife dedicated themselves to philanthropy, focusing largely on education, particularly in the Hispanic community. Gil is living proof that even decent people get lucky sometimes, and he’s running to flip the 39th on a solid Democratic platform.

California

CA-39

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Gal

Young Kim

Young Kim wants to keep her old boss Ed Royce’s seat in Republican hands so she can continue his NyQuil-and-Taco-Bell dream of repealing Obamacare and stripping health insurance from millions of Americans. Her issues page is…insultingly sparse and vague. She gave an unsettlingly emotionless statement on the Trump administration’s horrific family separation policy.  Yeah, let’s go ahead and flip this seat.

The Good Gal

Leslie Cockburn

Leslie Cockburn is an award-winning journalist and documentary filmmaker, and wouldn’t it be wonderful to fill Congress with truth-seekers rather than spin doctors? If she could handle Gaddafi, surely Louie Gohmert won’t be much of a challenge. She’s running on health care and environmentalism and college affordability and criminal justice reform and her own life’s work identifying problems and exposing bullshit. Normally you’d need a magic lamp to conjure up a first-time candidate this qualified.

Virginia

VA-05

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Likely Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Denver Riggleman

Denver Riggleman owns a distillery, so it might take some serious shit to get me to turn on him. Oh, he campaigns with white supremacists? He can’t even seem to find the minimal decency it would take to denounce borderline-Klansman Corey Stewart? Yuck. He’s also running as a Freedom Caucuser, and I think that botched experiment has run its course, don’t you? And then there’s the Bigfoot porn thing…yeah, sorry Denver, there’s not enough booze in the world.

The Good Gal

Linda Coleman

Linda Coleman is a former teacher and three-term NC state representative running on health care and education reform and voting rights and raising the minimum wage. See, unlike her opponent, she wants to actually work for her constituents, rather than napping and collecting that sweet Congressman’s paycheck. This one’s not the low-hanging fruit, friends. This is a mighty damn red district, but it’s also a prime target if the blue wave crests high enough. I’ve got a good feeling about this one.

North Carolina

NC-02

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Rep

Roll Call: Lean Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

George Holding

I looked up George Holding, and the first thing I learned is that he used to work for Jesse Fucking Helms. Lord. This dude’s record is absolutely non-existent, by the way. Three terms in Congress, he hasn’t done much beyond renaming a couple of post offices. Fucker’s OWN WEBSITE can’t list a single thing he’s a achieved in Congress. He doesn’t hold town halls, he doesn’t pass bills, he just votes in lockstep with whatever Ryan and Trump want. Is this guy a Congressman, or a paperweight?

The Good Gal

Angie Craig

Angie Craig has been working her ass off, and fighting her ass off, her whole dang life. She’s been a journalist and a high-powered health care executive. She’s created jobs and fought for (and won) her rights in the courts. Like, if you had a magic lamp and asked for the perfect Congressional candidate, the genie would just point at Angie Craig.  She has the experience, the perspective, and the plan we need to get the country back on the right track.

Minnesota

MN-02

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Dem

Roll Call: Tilt Dem

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Truly Awful Guy

Jason Lewis

Jason Lewis is jackass talk radio host who ran for Congress so he could solve the truly pressing issues of our time, like Why Can’t We Call Women Sluts Anymore? He’s also buds with Rush Limbaugh, and super-duper racist, but I repeat myself. I’d use just three words to describe Jason: Hateful, stupid, and hateful. If you’re looking to flush Trumpism down the Toilet of History, this is your race to target. Of all the House match-ups this year, I don’t know that there’s a bigger decency gap between the candidates than in the Minnesota 2nd.

The Good Guy

Jason Crow

Jason Crow is a veteran of both Iraq, where he earned the Bronze Star, and Afghanistan. He practices law and advocates for veterans through numerous organizations. In a district that’s seen two of America’s most horrific mass shootings, Jason has made gun control one of his campaign’s central issues, and he’s taking on one of the NRA’s favorite Congressmen. Toss in excellent positions on income inequality and health care, and you’ve got yerself a mighty attractive little candidate, CO-06.

Colorado

CO-06

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Dem

Roll Call: Tilt Dem

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Mike Coffman

Mike Coffman, to be perfectly honest, isn’t that bad. For a Republican. He stands up to Trump more than most of his caucus does, and there are a couple of issues where he’s almost reasonable. But he’s still a Republican, meaning he’s anti-choice, anti-gun control, anti-LGBT rights, and anti-Obamacare. We can beat him, and I’m while pushing for him to lose, I’m not gonna shit on the guy as hard as the rest of these assclowns.

The Good Gal

Sharice Davids

Sharice Davids makes plenty of headlines, as potentially the first openly LGBTQ Native American Woman in congress, and an MMA fighter, and a lawyer, but there’s so much more to like beyond the biography. Health care, DACA, voting rights, gun control, education…it’s all there. She’s whip smart, tough as nails, and has the sort of real-life experiences and perspective we need to counterbalance all those lawyers and businesstwerps on Capitol Hill.

Kansas

KS-03

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Dem

Roll Call: Lean Dem

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Kevin Yoder

Kevin Yoder prides himself on his civility, he really does. So while he’s voting to take away your health care, or to cut his wealthy donors’ taxes, or to spend your money on Wee Don’s Big Stupid Wall, please imagine him tipping his cap and smiling. Since Yoder’s agenda isn’t popular with actual humans, he’s fueled largely by PAC and corporate cash. Anyway, in the end, Kevin is most famous for skinny dipping at a holy site, and the district where Shower Cap grew up fucking well deserves better.

The Good Guy

Paul Davis

Paul Davis has been fighting the good fight as a Democrat in Kansas for quite a while now. He led the state House Democratic Caucus for years, engineering bipartisan compromises, and protecting school funding from that Brownback fanatic. I dig his focus on health care within his district. Paul won this district in his 2014 campaign for governor, and he’s blessed with a useless-as-a-screen-door-on-a-submarine opponent. This one is primed for flippin’, folks.

Kansas

KS-02

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Steve Watkins

Look at this goon. Steve Watkins’ dad paid for his primary win, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Yeah, Watkins emerged from a crowded field because his rich father gave him a Super PAC for Xmas, and dropped hundreds of thousands of dollars on his race. That’s the entirety of Steve-O’s qualifications: “Daddy bought me this gig.” Fuck, even Republicans see through this fraud and hate him. He’s for all the usual Republican shit, with the added bonus of being a ridiculous little manchild.

The Good Guy

Antonio Delgado

Antonio Delgado is a Rhodes Scholar and a lawyer and now a candidate for the United States Congress, and also he used to be a rapper. Guess which part of that the Fux Nooz crowd (and his dirtbag opponent) is using to frighten old white people? But check out Delgado’s platform, it’s full of good good stuff like protecting and expanding access to health care, defending women’s rights and the environment, and improving education. Because unlike his opponent, Antonio actually wants his constituents’ lives to be, y’know…good.

New York

NY-19

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Tilt Dem

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

John Faso

John Faso is running on rap lyrics because he can’t run on his shitty, shitty record. Or maybe he’s just pissy that his many attempts to repeal Obamacare and strip millions of Americans of their health insurance failed so miserably. He hasn’t been able to help his constituents with their actual problems, so he fear-mongers about fake ones like MS-13, because he’s a racist sack of shit. Let’s end this fuckwad’s career after just one term.

The Good Gal

Kara Eastman

Kara Eastman has spent her entire working life helping people, and you sort of wonder why we don’t choose more lawmakers like her, rather than rich white dudes, right? She’s worked with numerous non-profits, from a battered women’s shelter to the Omaha Healthy Kids Alliance, which she founded and led before running for Congress. Eastman is running an aggressively progressive campaign in this fairly red district, against a freshman who was the only Republican to defeat a Dem incumbent in 2016. We’re gonna learn a lot about Middle America from this one.

Nebraska

NE-02

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Lean Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Don Bacon

Don Bacon served the nation in the Air Force for more than 29 years, attaining the rank of Brigadier General. Then he went to Congress to take health care away from the very people he’d been protecting so long, which doesn’t make a lick of sense to me. He opposes women’s rights and LGBTQ rights and the EPA. To Don Bacon, there’s always plenty of money for the military (when all you have is a hammer…) and the GOP’s wealthy donor class, but health insurance for America’s working people? Sorry, chumps.

The Good Guy

Dan Feehan

Dan Feehan is an Iraq veteran (he earned the Bronze Star), a former teacher, and oh yeah, served as an acting Assistant Secretary of Defense under Obama. I love how he always puts his teaching experience on equal footing with his showier credentials, and I love his sincere commitment to the idea of “service.” Feehan’s campaign is laser-focused on his district’s unique needs, which is how things oughta be. Comparing Dan to his opponent is, honestly, like choosing between the ribeye at Gibsons and a dumpster full of used diapers.

Minnesota

MN-01

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Jim Hagedorn

Google Jim Hagedorn, and you’ll find an article wondering if he’s “the worst Republican candidate in America,” and it’s easy to see why. Jimbo stands out as unusually bigoted and misogynistic even in the 2018 GOP, and isn’t that a horrifying thought? He’s actually lost three different elections for this seat already, probably because he’s such a raging idiot/massive asshole. Popular incumbent Tim Walz vacated this seat, and Trump won the district by 15 points, so it seems we’re lucky enough to have stumbled across the one guy jaggy enough to lose this race.

The Good Gal

Abby Finkenauer

Abby Finkenauer is the only Congressional candidate I’ve seen to mention her student loan debt in her campaign bio. Congress tends to be a club full of millionaires, lawyers, and millionaire lawyers, but wouldn’t it be nice to have a few representatives who understand ordinary folks’ problems? Abby’s focused on jobs, education, infrastructure, and health care in her home district, which would represent a zany change from the incumbent’s “rich dude working on behalf of other rich dudes” record.

Iowa

IA-01

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Solid Dem

Roll Call: Lean Dem

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Rod Blum

Rod Blum is a smirking Tea Party jackass who votes with Donald Trump 92% of the time. The stupid, dishonest shit Rod says about the environment is matched only by the stupid, dishonest shit he says about health care. His hobbies including shutting down the government, calling for investigations of Planned Parenthood based on lunatic right-wing conspiracy theories, and violating House ethics rules. Blum is hot garbage, y’all. Let’s kick his sorry ass out.

The Good Gal

Lizzie Pannill Fletcher

Lizzie Pannill Fletcher decided to run for office after attending one of her CongressJag’s town halls. “This useless little dope ain’t shit, I could do better than him,” thought Fletcher, and she was right. Lizzie is a Houston lawyer running to replace the walking archetype of an out-of-touch career party apparatchik. This is one of the real battlegrounds, friends. HRC baaaarely won this district, and if we can win these races in November, we can grind the Trump administration to a halt.

Texas

TX-07

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Tilt Rep

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

John Culberson

John Culberson has been in the House of Representatives since 2001, but you’ve never heard of him because he’s just one more useless, faceless, Republican backbencher. In 17 years, Culberson has accomplished less than a mildly motivated sandwich artist at your neighborhood Subway. A racist birther gun nut, John will keep fighting ACORN until the day he dies, despite the inconvenient detail that ACORN no longer exists. John hates science and the environment and poor people having health care and probably puppies.

The Good Guy

Jared Golden

Jared Golden is a Marine veteran who served in Afghanistan and Iraq. He’s definitely leadership material, having ascended to the post of Assistant Majority Leader in the Maine House of Representatives in just his second term. A PTS survivor, Jared has achieved real, measurable success on behalf of veterans and first responders, in addition to fighting for unions, health care, the environment…this kid’s gonna be a Senator someday.

Maine

ME-02

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Bruce Poliquin

Bruce Poliquin is something of an anomaly in Republican politics; a rich old white guy who uses his post to cut his own taxes and designate health care as the exclusive right of the privileged. Wait, what does “anomaly” mean again? Bruce truly has his fingers on America’s pulse, though, addressing the issues that matter most, like the time he introduced a bill to…wait, to ban convicted terrorists from getting food stamps? Where do they FIND these people? (Oh, and he’s a giant NRA stooge, too.)

The Good Guy

Josh Harder

Josh Harder, at just 30 years old, gave up his career as a tech sector venture capitalist to return home to the California 10th to fight for the community he grew up in.  Like so many of our best candidates, Josh is running a local, district-based campaign, focused on making the Central Valley the “agricultural technology capitol of the nation.”  And while his opponent voted for the “health care is only for the wealthy, you peasant scum”  AHCA, Harder’s running on Medicare for All.

California

CA-10

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Jeff Denham

Jeff Denham votes with Donald Trump a pussy/attention-grabbing 97.8% of the time, and yes, that includes the Further Enrichment of the Rich tax bill and the Please Die Quickly You Filthy Takers health “care” bill.  Truth be told, he’s not bad on immigration, for a Republican, but he’s absolute garbage on the environment, women’s rights, and…y’know, basically everything else.

The Good Gal

Katie Hill

Katie Hill is the executive director and deputy CEO of PATH, a statewide organization battling homelessness. A prodigious fundraiser despite rejecting PAC and corporate money, Hill has an impressively detailed issues page, covering topics ranging from health care to campaign finance reform. And you have to like her experience successfully shepherding a pair of important ballot measures, Prop HHH and Measure H.  A proven track record of accomplishment and leadership?  In the U.S. Congress?  MADNESS.

California

CA-25

Political rankings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Steve Knight

Steve Knight is a fairly decent fellow, at least when he’s not threatening protesters. Knight is one of those Republicans who tries to have it both ways on Drumpfy, loudly proclaiming himself “deeply disturbed” by the whole “bragging about sexual assault to Billy Bush” thing, but then voting for the serial assaulter anyway. Steve-O is shitty on the environment, taxes, guns, and health care. For good measure, he thinks Social Security is “a bad idea.”

The Good Guy

Andy Kim

Andy Kim is a former national security official who decided to challenge his Congressman when his Congressman tried to strip millions of Americans of their health insurance, because unlike his Congressman, Andy Kim is a decent human being. He’s a Rhodes Scholar. He’s worked for David Petraeus and Barack Obama. He’s served his country from the Pentagon to the White House to Afghanistan. Let’s add Congress to that list, shall we?

New Jersey

NJ-03

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Tilt Dem

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Tom MacArthur

Tom MacArthur has a weird approach to representing his constituents; he votes to raise their taxes and cut their services. This dumbass wrote, and actually slapped his own name on the amendment in the AHCA that repealed protections for folks with pre-existing conditions. If you’re in Tom’s district, for heaven’s sake, lock your doors or he’ll steal your hamster and piss in your ice cube tray. Let’s send this wannabe plutocrat, this fake moderate, home to enjoy the fruits of the tax cut he gave himself.

The Good Gal

Ann Kirkpatrick

You know Ann Kirkpatrick will make a great Representative, because she’s had gig before. Twice, actually. She’s a good, sturdy, Democrat, reliably supporting our priorities on everything from health care to LGBTQ rights, with a special focus on veterans affairs. An associate of Gabby Giffords, she’s become a particularly strong voice on gun control, despite have an A rating from the NRA once upon a time.

Arizona

AZ-02

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Solid Dem

Roll Call: Lean Dem

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Likely Dem

The Bad Gal

Lea Márquez Peterson

Lea Márquez Peterson has taken the novel “separate the man from the policy” approach to her party and the Turd Volcano who leads it, which is…almost charmingly naive. She hates Obamacare and she loves the Big Stupid Wall. Lea is supposed to be running on her private sector business experience, but that doesn’t seem like a very good idea in her case. Her issues page is phoned-in, and frankly, embarrassing. This a Dem-leaning district that really needs an exceptional candidate, like a Martha McSally, to pull it over to the dark side. Lea Márquez Peterson does not appear to be that candidate.

The Good Guy

Conor Lamb

Remember how good it felt when we all came together to push Conor Lamb over the finish line in his special election? Well, thanks to the un-gerrymandering of Pennsylvania, Conor now finds himself in the only incumbent-vs-incumbent battle in the country. You know him by now; Marine Corps veteran, Assistant U.S. Attorney, Certified Handsome Young Man. You know he’s not the most progressive guy in the party, but he’s good on unions, health care, taxes, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Let’s keep the tent big. Let’s keep Conor Lamb around for a bit.

Pennsylvania

PA-17

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Dem

Roll Call: Lean Dem

Cook: Likely Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Keith Rothfus

Keith Rothfus is a…shit, y’all, I’m running out of ways to say “rich white guy who uses his post to cut his own taxes.” He seems to be afraid of his constituents, probably because he’s always trying to take away their health insurance. He’s a bigot and a Trump-enabling coward and a climate change denier and a corporate lackey just like everyone else in the Bigoted Cowardly Climate Change Denying Corporate Lackey, excuse me, the “Freedom” Caucus.

The Good Gal

Betsy Dirksen Londrigan

Betsy Dirksen Londrigan is running for Congress because she’s lived through the sort of family health care crisis that her opponent wants to bring back. She’s been a teacher, an entrepreneur, an NFP fundraiser and an activist. She’s worked for Dick Durbin AND Abraham Lincoln, IMPRESSED YET? Health care is, of course, at the center of her platform, but all your favorite flavors are there, from education to guns to the farm issues so important to her district.

Illinois

IL-13

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Rep

Roll Call: Lean Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Rodney Davis

Rodney Davis has never worked a day outside of politics. He transitioned from campaign work to Congressional staff, ran for office a couple times, and lost, before finally finding a spot where he could get appointed in a smoky room without having to convince all those pesky voters. Rodney’s particularly afraid of the voters in his district; he does all he can to avoid actually meeting with them. One gets the impression Not-so-Hot Rod doesn’t care much for real people. Maybe that’s why he keeps trying to take away their health insurance.

The Good Gal

Elaine Luria

Oh wow, I like Elaine Luria. A barrier-breaking 20-year Navy veteran, and an entrepreneur, and…hell, read her bio yourself, I can’t do any better. A lifetime of service, experience, and risk-taking. This is what ALL our elected should be like. Elaine has a motto: Be Good, Do Good Work. I tell you what folks, look at the platform, look at the candidate…we have an embarrassment of riches this November, but Elaine Luria might just be my personal favorite.

Virginia

VA-02

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Rep

Roll Call: Tilt Rep

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Scott Taylor

So, Scott Taylor’s supposed to be a moderate. So “moderate” he voted for the AHCA, knowing it would wreck millions of American lives. He also voted for the GOP tax scam, even as he neglected to pay his own taxes. Scotty’s actually super shady, from his business history to his campaign forging signatures in an attempt to get a vote-splitting independent on the ballot. With a borderline Grand Wizard heading the GOP ticket in VA this fall, we’ve got a surprisingly good chance to pick off this seat. Let’s pounce on it.

The Good Guy

Tom Malinowski

Good gravy, I want to see Tom Malinowski in Congress. Tom’s career in public service begins with Patrick Freakin’ Moynihan and rises all the way to Assistant Secretary of State for Democracy, Human Rights, and Labor under Obama, back in the days when decency was still a thing. Malinowski’s record isn’t just admirable, it’s inspirational. America needs this man.

New Jersey

NJ-07

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Leonard Lance

Leonard Lance has been soft-shoeing theatrically to the left lately, fearing accountability from his increasingly anti-Trump constituents. I guess we’re supposed to give him credit for being bad-but-not-horrible on issues like guns, health care, the environment, and LGBT rights, but FUCK THAT, we’ve got a chance to put Tom Malinowski in this seat!  It’s time to boot this 5-term incumbent, because everyone knows Leonard Part 6 SUXXXX.

The Good Guy

Ben McAdams

Ben McAdams has been Mayor of Salt Lake County since 2013, so if any Dem can take this seat, it’s him. I can see why you might not be wild about Ben; he’s personally rather strongly anti-choice, though he has a record of voting against measures that limited access to abortion. He’d be a Blue Dog, and one of the more conservative members of the caucus, that’s true. But look at his record and platform, from health care to DACA to education, and compare it to Mia Love’s. That’s the choice we have in UT-04, and it’s an easy one.

Utah

UT-04

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Gal

Mia Love

Mia Love has this reputation as one of the “rational” Republicans, because she’s to the left of Steve King on immigration, but she’s still anti-choice, anti-environment, anti-gun control, and anti-LGBTQ rights (She’s running against marriage equality. In 2018.), so spare me, okay? Mia made a big show about how she couldn’t vote for Trump, but as his loyal CongressStooge, she votes with him 95% of the time, including on the GOP tax scam, and their attempt to steal health insurance from millions. Just to really burnish those Republican credentials, Love even engaged in some shady campaign finance fuckery.

The Good Gal

Lucy McBath

Of all our candidates, Lucy McBath is the strongest gun control advocate, a national spokesperson and Faith & Outreach Leader for Everytown and Moms Demand Action. Tragically, McBath’s activism grew out of her son’s murder at the hands of an armed lunatic who felt he had the right to shoot human beings to death because he thought their music was too loud. Beyond guns, Lucy, like all our best candidates, is running an issue-heavy, district-focused campaign.  Georgia is changing, my friends…let’s help it along.

Georgia

GA-06

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Lean Rep

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Gal

Karen Handel

Karen Handel is so shitty, she’s managed to be shitty at CHARITY. While serving as a Vice President at Susan G. Komen for the Cure, Karen tried to cut off funding to Planned Parenthood, and when that blew up in her face, she threw a fit and quit. As Georgia Secretary of State, Handel was a ferocious vote suppressor. Anti-health care, anti-minimum wage, anti-immigrant, anti-LGBTQ…Karen Handel fucking sucks, y’all. We damn near beat her in last year’s special election, and she won’t have the undivided focus and support of her party this time ’round.

The Good Guy

Dan McCready

Dan McCready is a Marine Corps veteran, and a solar energy entrepreneur! Got that? Risked his life for his country, came home and created a fuckton of jobs in the green energy sector. Oh, and for a little side project, he started a website called This Land that sold only hand-made goods by American craftsmen. ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS BIO? The only thing to be disappointed about is, sorry folks, he’s already married. The good news is, he’s as good a candidate as you could hope to recruit in this unexpectedly competitive district.

Dan is also not a frothing-at-the-mouth maniac, unlike SOME candidates I could mention.

North Carolina

NC-09

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Mark Harris

Mark Harris challenged and defeated incumbent right-wing nutcase Robert Pittenger in the primary, because he believes a Republican CongressThug needs to be an out-of-control, poo-flinging, extremist maniac like himself. Mark is one of those “pastors” who wants to bring the government’s boot down on the neck of all us heathens for disobeying whatever fistful of Bible verses he’s cherry-picking this week (he backed his state’s economically-suicidal “bathroom bill,” for example). Oh, and the good Reverend Harris wonders if careers for the womenfolk are really “healthy.” I think sending this medieval fuckbag to Congress would be unhealthy. Donate to Dan McCready and call me in the morning.

The Good Gal

Amy McGrath

Amy McGrath spent 20 years in the Marine Corps, breaking barriers and flying 89 combat missions. She’s a fierce campaigner, beating an establishment favorite in the primary she once trailed by 47 points, so she’d surely be an upgrade over an invisible foot soldier like Andy Barr. By the way, if you want to see something impressive, read through Amy’s insanely detailed, district-focused economic plan.

Kentucky

KY-06

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Andy Barr

Andy Barr is a another one of those cookie-cutter GOP drones, a bland, white, male, lawyer who wants to cut rich people’s taxes and take health care away from millions of Americans. Of course he’s garbage on women’s rights, LGBT rights, the environment, taxes, gun control…is there some factory where they churn out cheap clones of the Generic Republican? Like, “Soylent Conservatives,” or something?

The Good Gal

Debbie Mucarsel-Powell

Debbie Mucarsel-Powell immigrated to the United States with her family as a child, and has been working her ass off ever since. She’s spent her career serving her community in the non-profit sector, mostly in health care and education. And, as you’d expect, her platform is full of thoughtful, district-centered, solutions. The Florida 26th is one of the most Democratic-leaning districts in the nation currently represented by a Republican, but Curbelo is a popular incumbent, and this is one of the only races that’s shifted in favor of the Republican in recent weeks.

Florida

FL-26

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Carlos Curbelo

Carlos Curbelo has a reputation as a moderate Republican, but he’s still voted with Trump 82% of the time, including on the Let the Filthy Takers Rot Act, excuse me, the “AHCA,” and the plutocracy-entrenching tax bill. I think maybe “moderate” meant something different when I was in school. He’s not bad on DACA, guns, LGBT rights, or the environment, and if I could airdrop him into Mark Meadows’ seat, I would. But that ain’t how this shit works.

The Good Gal

Gina Ortiz Jones

Gina Ortiz Jones is an Air Force veteran, and a former intelligence officer and civil servant who resigned in protest of Donald Trump’s fuckery, and then turned around and decided to boot one of his congressional sycophants straight to the private sector. Gina has squeezed several lifetimes worth of service, leadership, sacrifice and just plain hard-ass work into 37 short years. She’s focused on her district and sees right through her phony opponent.  Plus she’d be the first openly gay woman of color to serve Texas in the House.

Texas

TX-23

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Rep

Roll Call: Lean Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Will Hurd

Will Hurd is one of those Republicans who likes to make occasional tsk tsk sounds at Trump, but still votes with him 95% of the time. This is particularly important in this race, because Hurd’s whole brand is Calm Rational Bipartisan Centrist. See, he paints himself as a noble moderate, but he votes like a right-wing fanatic. WE SEE YOU, WILL. In addition, Hurd, a former intelligence officer, has been one of Devin “PF” Nunes’ loyal stooges, so fuck him with a goddamn rake.

The Good Guy

Dean Phillips

Dean Phillips is Dear Abby’s grandson, and ran a gelato company, and…look, I’m not going to lie to you; we have a lot of candidates with deeply inspirational biographies, and Dean is not really one of them. But he’s used his good fortune to do a great deal of philanthropy, and he’s running hard on government reform and health care. He’s hustlin’, and this seat has been in Republican hands since 1961, so…on balance, I like him.

Minnesota

MN-03

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Dem

Roll Call: Tilt Dem

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Erik Paulsen

Erik Paulsen, unlike most of his GOP colleagues, loves gun control and health care and puppies and cake. JUST KIDDING, he’s another ACA-repealin’, Trump-shieldin’, rich-folks’-taxes-cuttin’, NRA puppet. He’s got this reputation as a “moderate,” but he votes with Il Douche almost 98% of the time. Paulsen has done some admirable work on human trafficking, but beyond that he’s just one more loyal Paul Ryan foot soldier, and that shit just isn’t working out.

The Good Gal

Katie Porter

Katie Porter has spent her life fighting Wall Street; she was part of a team that dragged BILLIONS out of the big banks.  It’s only fitting she’s running against an investment banker now.  Katie’s backed by her old boss, Kamala Harris, and her old professor, Elizabeth Warren. Plus, she’s one of the most progressive candidates to win her primary, upsetting an establishment favorite, if that’s your jam.

California

CA-45

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Gal

Mimi Walters

Mimi Walters was an investment banker, before she decided to go into politics to make life easier for investment bankers. Is Mimi just one more wealthy Republican who voted for a massive tax cut for wealthy people? FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK. Oh hey, and Walters was in bed with Cambridge Analytica last election, and now you’re thinking about Bannon naked, aren’tcha? In the end, she’s just another GOP/Trump rubber stamp, collecting a taxpayer-funded paycheck while trying to take away your health care.

The Good Guy

Aftab Pureval

Aftab Pureval already has some experience taking offices away from complacent Republicans, and has delivered measurable results as Hamilton County Clerk of Courts. Paul Ryan is so terrified of Aftab’s hustle and appeal, he’s busted out the mega-racist big guns with one of the most despicable ads of the cycle. Makes sense; he’s worried one of his submissive Koch errand boys will replaced by a pro-health care, pro-minimum-wage-increase, pro-equality, man of the people.

Ohio

OH-01

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Rep

Roll Call: Tilt Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Steve Chabot

Steve Chabot’s most notable accomplishment in his time on Earth is an anti-abortion bill, and he’s running hard on his anti-choice record. Also on his anti-health-care-in-general record, come to think of it. Chabot’s hobbies include climate change denial, traveling on the taxpayer dime, and calling the cops on his constituents for recording town halls. We’ve beaten Steve-O before, as recently as 2008. Let’s put this old fart out to pasture.

The Good Guy

Joe Radinovich

Joe Radinovich has been protesting and organizing for the hard-working people of Minnesota since he was in 8th grade. He stood up to sexual harassment in his workplace while running the previous MN-08 Rep’s reelection campaign. And though he served a term in the Minnesota House, he lost his seat largely because fought for marriage equality even when his district opposed it. Washington needs strong, brave, moral, fighters like Joe Radinovich. Oh, and Joe is one of the candidates who could actually use a bit of a hand with his fundraising, to be honest.

Minnesota

MN-08

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Rep

Roll Call: Lean Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Pete Stauber

Pete Stauber is an ex-hockey player and police officer, and quite possibly the only Republican House candidate with a legit shot at picking off a seat currently held by Team Blue. Which is bad, because he’s alllll about dat Dotard, racism, sexism, authoritarianism, and all. Peter believes women shouldn’t have the right to make decisions about their own bodies, but guns? The rights of guns shall ne’er be infringed!

The Good Guy

Harley Rouda

In this particular district, I guess the best thing about Harley Rouda is that he’s not a Russian asset. Harley’s been an attorney and an entrepreneur, as well as pleasantly active philanthropist. Rouda used to be a Republican, but switched parties when he realized that the GOP no longer reflected his values, because he is not a complete and utter shitbag. Still, his platform is solid, and his past could make him more palatable in the conservative-leaning OC.

California

CA-48

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Tilt Dem

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Dana Rohrabacher

Dana Rohrabacher represents his constituents’ needs with ferocious loyalty and attention, assuming his constituents are not the good folks of Orange County, but Vladimir Putin and his oligarch budz. Dana’s so far up Vlad’s ass, he’s practically Trump’s roommate. The little bastard even has his very own Kremlin code name, for fuck’s sake. Beyond the treason stuff, he supports all the usual Republican fuckery, from Obamacare repeal to torture to, apparently, arming toddlers. And there’s even weirder shit, too.

The Good Gal

Dr. Kim Schrier

Dr. Kim Schrier is a pediatrician who took the leap from protestor to candidate when she saw the GOP was hellbent on repealing Obamacare, because that would, y’know…hurt people. Diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as a teen, she understands what the health care system used to be like for someone with a preexisting condition. Dr. Schrier’s whole platform is strong, covering everything from gun control to reproductive rights to protecting the environment. Plus, she’d be the only female doctor in the House; I think that’s a voice we damn well need.

Washington

WA-08

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Dino Rossi

Dino Rossi is, and after the other profiles on this page you may find this shocking, a rich white guy who wants to go to Congress to cut his own taxes. The NRA loves Dino. The Club for Growth loves Dino. The Koch brothers love Dino. Donald Trump loves Dino. The voters of Washington? Not so much, as they’ve rejected his candidacy for statewide office three times now. Probably because his life’s work consists largely of trying to take folks’ health insurance away while rubbing donor money all over his body.

The Good Guy

George Scott

George Scott is an Army Veteran (he achieved the rank of lieutenant colonel) and a Lutheran minister, looking to continue his life of service in the U.S. Congress. He’s focused on health care and jobs, common sense gun control, and also on bringing a little old-fashioned decency back to government. Now, that’s a tall order in 2018, but listen to the guy talk; if anybody can pull it off, it’s George. And under Pennsylvania’s new redistricting, we’ve never had a better shot at this seat.

Pennsylvania

PA-10

 

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Rep

Roll Call: Lean Rep

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Scott Perry

Scott Perry is a decorated veteran and I thank him for his service…at least up to the point when he jumped on the maniac Tea Party Express and started fucking up our government. Scott’s the kind of dude who spouts truly dangerous conspiracy theories, like linking the mass shooting in Las Vegas to ISIS, without a shred of evidence. He’s an anti-choice, anti-health care, immigration hardliner/gun nut who wants to impeach Rod Rosenstein lest the law hold Boss Turdworm accountable for his many crimes. In summation, Scott Perry sucks.

The Good Gal

Donna Shalala

If anyone could be said to be overqualified for a gig in the House, it’s Donna Shalala. As Clinton’s HHS Secretary, she oversaw the creation and implementation of the Children’s Health Insurance Program. Yeah. CHIP. She went on to work for for W., who later awarded her the Presidential Medal of Freedom. She’s led the Clinton Foundation and the University of Miami, and…I literally don’t have space to cover her full resume. Yeah, I guess the whole “lifetime of leadership and success” thing is pretty convincing. If you like that sort of thing.

Florida

FL-27

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Dem

Roll Call: Lean Dem

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Gal

Maria Elvira Salazar

Maria Elvira Salazar is an award-winning broadcast journalist, with no political experience, running against the most qualified candidate in the country. She’s got a vaguely moderate Republican platform, though she’s still anti-choice and supports the damn tax scam. Anyhow, Hilldawg kicked Fuckhead’s ass in this district, and everyone expects it to flip.

The Good Guy

David Shapiro

David Shapiro is a personal injury attorney with deep roots in his community, and longtime ties to the local Democratic Party. While David is running as a moderate in this red district, you’ll find lots to like in his platform: women’s rights, environmentalism, the DREAM act, health care, gun control…it’s a stark contrast with his opponent, who seems primarily interested in enriching Vern Buchanan.

Florida

FL-16

 

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Rep

Roll Call: Likely Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Vern Buchanan

Vern Buchanan really oughta be the poster boy for the modern GOP. Vern is filthy rich, you see, and after voting himself a massive tax cut, he decided to rub the country’s nose in his flagrant abuse of power by buying a multi-million-dollar yacht with the proceeds of his little heist…on the VERY SAME FUCKING DAY. Buchanan is cartoonishly corrupt, with all sorts of super-shady campaign finance schemes on his rap sheet. If we can feed that blue wave ’till it’s big enough, maybe we can wash this piece of trash away once and for all.

The Good Gal

Mikie Sherrill

Mikie Sherrill served as a helicopter pilot in the U.S. Navy, attaining the rank of lieutenant commander, earned degrees from the U.S. Naval Academy, the London School of Economics and Political Science, and Georgetown University, and oh yeah, worked as an Assistant United States Attorney. Not bad, as resumes go. Sherrill is running on a solid slate of issues and raising money like a motherfucker in her bid to flip this district held by Republican Rodney Frelinghuysen since the late Cretaceous Period.

New Jersey

NJ-11

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Dem

Roll Call: Lean Dem

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Jay Webber

Jay Webber is pretty much your standard Bland Ultra-Right White Dude. One of those Guns Should Have More Rights Than Women types. As a state legislator, he tried to amend the New Jersey constitution to outlaw marriage equality. He also opposed equal pay laws. And of course he echoes Wee Don’s shitty immigration rhetoric. Seems Webber’s problem is with equality generally. So if you’re an insecure white dude who’s terrified of sharing the world, vote Jay Webber! Otherwise, I recommend Mikie Sherrill.

The Good Gal

Elissa Slotkin

Elissa Slotkin served three tours with the CIA in Iraq, and then worked as a national security official under Presidents Bush and Obama, so naturally her dirtbag opponent is hitting her for not living in the district while she served her country in the Pentagon and overseas. Slotkin jumped into the race when she saw Mike Bishop’s shit-eating grin in the Rose Garden, celebrating the House’s passage of the constituent-murdering AHCA. Basically, Elissa Slotkin was fighting ISIS while her opponent was fighting to steal health insurance from his own constituents, so…yeah, this choice ain’t hard.

Michigan

MI-08

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Tilt Dem

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Mike Bishop

What can you say about Mike Bishop? Fucking NOTHING, that’s what. Google him yourself, you don’t believe me. This dude is useless. You get the impression he just naps in the back of the House floor, waking up periodically to vote for whatever shit Trump wants. Two terms in Washington, what has this doorstop accomplished? I poked around the jagoff’s own website, I can’t find anything. You could replace this guy with a can of Flarp and it’d be an upgrade.

The Good Gal

Abigail Spanberger

Abigail Spanberger, a former CIA operative, is running in part on national security, since her opponent is a spineless enabler of Russian attacks on our democracy, HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?  David Brat is so afraid of her, he won’t debate her. Her platform also focuses on health care, gun control, and all sorts of other good shit you’ll like. Wouldn’t you like to see a badass Democratic woman sitting in Eric Cantor’s old chair?

Virginia

VA-07

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Dave Brat

Once upon a time, Dave Brat was the Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of the lunatic right, blindsiding a napping Eric Cantor, because HE THOUGHT ERIC CANTOR WASN’T A BIG ENOUGH BASTARD. One of the frothiest maniacs in the Freedom Caucus, Brat thinks mass-shooting survivors are “crisis actors,” and really hates it when his female constituents get in his “grill” about his repeated attempts to take their health care away. You know the good folks in Virginia are all fired up to repeat their 2017 Blue Wave and wash this fanatic away for good.

The Good Gal

Haley Stevens

Haley Stevens used to be in a little band called “Obama’s Auto Task Force,” (she was Chief of Staff, and played slide guitar) which you remember from such hits as “saving the American automotive industry.” Stevens is that rare politician who actually understands the mechanics of job creation in the 21st century, having spent her career in workforce development. Check out her platform; we can have Haley Stevens, good on health care and jobs and civil rights and…well, most everything, or we can have a rubber Trump stamp.

Michigan

MI-11

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Dem

Roll Call: Tilt Dem

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Gal

Lena Epstein

Lena Epstein is one of the Trumpiest candidates running, (she co-chaired his Michigan campaign, gross) looking to replace relative moderate David Trott and shift the seat a few miles to the lunatic right, so, y’know…fuck that. She briefly tried running against Debbie Stabenow, but chickened out. Epstein is actually the perfect 2018 Republican; an executive in the family business, with no relevant experience or qualifications and a tissue-thin “platform,” she’s eager to crack down on all the filthy takers who haven’t done the hard work of Being Born Into Wealth.

The Good Gal

Xochitl Torres Small

Xochitl Torres Small is a water attorney with lifelong ties to the district. A former staffer for Senator Tom Udall, Xochitl has been listening to the needs of rural, southern New Mexico for a long time now, and it shows in her platform; health care, water rights, energy development, broadband access, and education, with a focus on ESL for a region with a large Hispanic population. Xochitl Torres Small is yet another smart, tough, experienced woman who knows her shit, and she’d be a damn strong addition to our team in the House.

New Mexico

NM-02

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Gal

Yvette Herrill

Yvette Herrell is a 4-term NM state rep who serves on the board of everyone’s favorite band of corporation-humping ratfuckers, ALEC, ewwwwww. Herrell is clinging tightly to her Turd Emperor, praising his racist border policies and his dumbfuck trade war and even whining about “fake news.” She’s a gun nut and an ACA-repealer. Basically, Yvette Herrell wants to be among the first of a new breed of Trump Republicans in Congress, and that would just suck.

The Good Gal

Lauren Underwood

Lauren Underwood is so awesome she’s getting a special batch Ben & Jerry’s flavor to go with her endorsed-by-Obama sprinkles, ok? Lauren is a nurse, a teacher, and a former Senior Advisor in Obama’s HHS, where she worked on the Affordable Care Act. She’s bringing a boldly progressive platform, with a heavy focus on health care, to this Republican-leaning district, and wouldn’t it be wonderful to replace a Tea Party loon with nice, sturdy, lefty? Anyway, if you can read this article without feeling inspired AF, your heart is dead.

Illinois

IL-14

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Randy Hultgren

Randy Hultgren is…fucking hell, I’ve done like, 60 of these, and I could just cut and paste this from any of the other Wrinkly Old White Dude Incumbents on this page. Trump puppet/crap on guns/crap on women’s rights/crap on LGBTQ rights/crap on the environment/SUPER crap on taxes/crap on health care/kicks puppies, probably…how does Paul Ryan tell these jackasses apart?

The Good Guy

Jeff Van Drew

Jeff Van Drew is a dentist and state senator with an impressive record of actually, y’know…accomplishing shit. While Jeff isn’t the leftiest lefty around, he’s running for seat retiring Republican Frank Lobiando has held for more than 20 years. He’s good on veterans, offshore drilling, and net neutrality.

New Jersey

NJ-02

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Solid Dem

Roll Call: Likely Dem

Cook: Likely Dem

Sabato: Safe Dem

The Bad Guy

Seth Grossman

Seth Grossman stands out as a fairly major fuckhead even in the Republican Party of 2018. While the GOP is super-racist these days, Seth is super-DUPER-racist, with a habit of sharing white nationalist literature on social media. Even the NRCC cut this jagoff loose. From what I’m reading, this is our safest pickup bet.

The Good Guy

Cort VanOstran

Cort VanOstran is what you call a self-made man; his resume, quite frankly, embarrasses the shit out of me, it’s so impressive. Harvard degree, lawyer, activist, educator, and he’s only 30? Cort’s intelligence, dedication to service, and flat-out hustle is just what we need in Washington. He’s running on health care, renewable energy, common sense gun control, and bipartisanship, good shit, huh? Oh, and he won’t treat his constituents like lepers.

Missouri

MO-02

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Rep

Roll Call: Solid Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Likely Rep

The Bad Gal

Ann Wagner

Ann Wagner is most famous for her unrestrained glee at voting to steal health insurance from millions of Americans, which is, y’know…demented. Before coming to Congress, Wagner spent years as a Republican political operative, which explains her partisan disdain for half the people she “represents.” Seriously, she REALLY hates actually dealing with her constituents. In many ways, Ann is the perfect GOP CongressHack: a multimillionaire raking in donations from other multimillionaires to rig the system in favor of multimillionaires.

The Good Guy

Scott Wallace

Scott Wallace is a lawyer with extensive experience in public service, as well a philanthropist. He’s spent his career working on issues ranging from veterans affairs to criminal justice reform to climate change. It must be said that Wallace is actually ridiculously wealthy, and is largely self-financing. So, while I’m cheering for Scotty, your donation might make more impact elsewhere.

Pennsylvania

PA-01

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Brian Fitzpatrick

Brian Fitzpatrick hasn’t been around very long, and he’s kinda moderate, opposing the AHCA for example. But he voted for the Hey Wouldn’t it Be Great if Your Boss Was Richer Tax Bill, he’s extra shitty on women’s rights, and under the new redistricting, his district is more winnable than ever, so y’know…fire the bum.

The Good Gal

Jennifer Wexton

Jennifer Wexton is running hard on gun control, and even today, that’s a big risk; let’s make sure her risk pays off, shall we? As a Virginia State Senator, she’s had over 40 bills enacted into law since assuming office in…2014? What?  Is that right? That’s…superhuman. Passing laws is the name of the game, so Wexton is precisely the sort of legislator you want on your team.

Virginia

VA-10

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Dem

Roll Call: Tilt Dem

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Gal

Barbara Comstock

Barbara Comstock was Scooter Libby’s lawyer? Tom DeLay’s lawyer? Fuckin’ EW. Barbara hates labor unions like Garfield hates Mondays. But she loves guns like Garfield loves lasagna, raking in $137,232 in NRA donations! LGBT rights, net neutrality, and freedom of choice also go in Comstock’s “Mondays” column.

The Good Gal

Susan Wild

Susan Wild dispatched an anti-choice, pro-ICE “Democrat” in her primary, so she’s already got dirt on her uniform from fighting the good fight.  The first female Allentown City Solicitor, Wild is running on health care, increasing the minimum wage, gun control, and all kinds of other good shit.  She’s endorsed by Emily’s List, Human Rights Campaign, and perhaps somewhat less impressively…Some Random Guy in a Superhero Bathrobe.

Pennsylvania

PA-07

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Solid Dem

Roll Call: Tilt Dem

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Marty Nothstein

Marty Nothstein is actually an Olympic gold and silver medalist in cycling, which is super cool, but doesn’t make him qualified to serve in the United States Congress.  He’s running on pure, unfiltered Trumpism; Nothstein is an anti-choice, pro-gun, jagoff who wants to repeal Obamacare, and there are already too many white dudes that fit that description in Congress.  Oh, and his company just settled a lawsuit alleging Marty heaped racist abuse on an immigrant employee.  Good lord, is there anyone left in the GOP that isn’t a complete and total asshole?

The Good Gal

Kathleen Williams

Kathleen Williams wasn’t supposed to win her primary, but she out-campaigned her better-funded opponents, driving her pick-up truck to every corner of the largest district in the lower 48. I think our caucus could use an injection of that sort of hustle, don’t you? Williams in an expert in natural resource economics/politics, working all over the public and private sectors, including three terms in the Montana House. She has a demonstrable history of A) Knowing her shit, and B) Getting shit done  She could also really use a hand with her fundraising, so pitch in, won’t ya?

Montana

That’s it…just…Montana

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Rep

Roll Call: Likely Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Greg Gianforte

Greg Gianforte is, of course, a violent criminal. Can’t we just fucking stop there? I mean, yes, he’s ALSO a shitty Congressman, just one more super-wealthy white dude cutting his own taxes while the rest of us rot, but call me a bleeding heart, I just can’t get past that one time when he physically assaulted a journalist and then tried lying about it until there turned out to be a recording. Oh, and he’s even an unusually ridiculous creationist. This man is pure, unfiltered trash.

Senate Races

Holy Balls, the Senate map is brutal this year. We’re almost entirely on defense, and even in a Blue Wave scenario, we could actually lose seats. But can we get to 51? Can we send Mitch McConnell and his team of craven enablers to the minority? Can we stop the flow of ultra-conservative lifetime judicial appointments?

You’re damn right we can. It’ll be a motherfuckin’ FIGHT, though. We’re behind in a lot of these races. And the ONLY path to control of the Senate runs through deep red states where our candidates are more moderate.

I know the centrists aren’t as sexxxxy as Beto O’Rourke, but we need ‘em, Resisters. Remember we needed every single vote we had to preserve Obamacare. We’re on the edge of the razor here, my friends. Chip in where you can.

Gubernatorial Races

The Good Gal

Stacey Abrams

They’re so afraid of Stacey Abrams down in Georgia, they’re trying to close polling places so folks can’t vote for her. Hmmmm…I wonder if that has anything to do with that organization she founded that’s registered a couple hundred thousand voters of color there?

Stacey is a novelist and a job-creating entrepreneur, a lawyer and a former Minority Leader in the Georgia House of Representatives. She works her ass off, and beyond that, she’s exceptionally shrewd. Did you hear the story of how she stopped a massive backdoor tax increase? As a legislator, she’s more the roll-up-your-sleeves-and-get-shit-done type than the stand-in-the-corner-and-make-speeches-about-how-things-oughta-be purist, and frankly that’s why she’d make such a damn good governor.

Abrams would be the first black female governor in American history. She would also be one of the most qualified, effective, officeholders in the entire country. Let’s make some history, folks. Let’s give our friends in Georgia the governor they deserve.

Georgia

Ratings:

Roll Call: Likely Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Brian Kemp

Brian Kemp is the Georgia Secretary of State, and holy shit is he bad at his job. In 2016, he refused to cooperate with federal officials to protect election infrastructure from Russian cyber attacks. Later, in a paranoid fit, he baselessly accused the Department of Homeland Security of hacking into his voter database. He oversaw a massive data breach that led to millions of voters having their Social Security numbers exposed. And when my man Bri isn’t too busy fucking up every other aspect of his job, naturally he enjoys recreationally suppressing the minority vote.

And this fuckhead wants a PROMOTION?

The dude is just a dumb, hateful, jackass. Luckily for him, “dumb, hateful, jackass” is IN in GOP circles these days, so he won his primary by burning crosses and shitting his pants. He doesn’t talk about his record, because his record is trash. He doesn’t talk about policy, because the GOP’s platform has failed. He just whips up shitty old white people’s fears and resentments. The Peach State is changing, and rapidly…will this cheap demagoguery still work? Didn’t save Roy Moore next door…

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