Shower Cap’s Midterms Six-Packs

Awesome Women: The Progressives

If you’re looking to not only boot some Republicans, but drag the Democratic Party further to the left, these ladies are leading the charge on our progressive flank.

The Good Gal

Kara Eastman

Kara Eastman has spent her entire working life helping people, and you sort of wonder why we don’t choose more lawmakers like her, rather than rich white dudes, right? She’s worked with numerous non-profits, from a battered women’s shelter to the Omaha Healthy Kids Alliance, which she founded and led before running for Congress. Eastman is running an aggressively progressive campaign in this fairly red district, against a freshman who was the only Republican to defeat a Dem incumbent in 2016. We’re gonna learn a lot about Middle America from this one.

Nebraska

NE-02

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Rep

Roll Call: Lean Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Don Bacon

Don Bacon served the nation in the Air Force for more than 29 years, attaining the rank of Brigadier General. Then he went to Congress to take health care away from the very people he’d been protecting so long, which doesn’t make a lick of sense to me. He opposes women’s rights and LGBTQ rights and the EPA. To Don Bacon, there’s always plenty of money for the military (when all you have is a hammer…) and the GOP’s wealthy donor class, but health insurance for America’s working people? Sorry, chumps.

The Good Gal

Katie Porter

Katie Porter has spent her life fighting Wall Street; she was part of a team that dragged BILLIONS out of the big banks.  It’s only fitting she’s running against an investment banker now.  Katie’s backed by her old boss, Kamala Harris, and her old professor, Elizabeth Warren. Plus, she’s one of the most progressive candidates to win her primary, upsetting an establishment favorite, if that’s your jam.

California

CA-45

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Gal

Mimi Walters

Mimi Walters was an investment banker, before she decided to go into politics to make life easier for investment bankers. Is Mimi just one more wealthy Republican who voted for a massive tax cut for wealthy people? FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK. Oh hey, and Walters was in bed with Cambridge Analytica last election, and now you’re thinking about Bannon naked, aren’tcha? In the end, she’s just another GOP/Trump rubber stamp, collecting a taxpayer-funded paycheck while trying to take away your health care.

The Good Gal

Mary Gay Scanlon

Holy crap, look at Mary Gay Scanlon’s biography!  A lifetime of service.  A LIFETIME. Advocacy for children, students with disabilities, equal pay, refugees, victims of domestic violence and human trafficking, first responders, and veterans?  Fighting voter suppression and gerrymandering?  She’s a goddamn progressive superhero.  Congress doesn’t just need Mary Gay Scanlon; Congress needs a couple hundred Mary Gay Scanlons.

Pennsylvania

PA-05

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Solid Dem

Roll Call: Likely Dem

Cook: Likely Dem

Sabato: Safe Dem

The Bad Gal

Pearl Kim

Pearl Kim, former Pennsylvania Senior Deputy Attorney General, honestly doesn’t seem that bad, for a Republican.  Good record, seems fairly moderate.  If she was running against any of the feral assclowns in the Freedom Caucus, I could see myself even supporting her.  But she’s running against one of the best candidates I’ve ever seen, so…y’know, sorry.

The Good Gal

Lauren Underwood

Lauren Underwood is so awesome she’s getting a special batch Ben & Jerry’s flavor to go with her endorsed-by-Obama sprinkles, ok? Lauren is a nurse, a teacher, and a former Senior Advisor in Obama’s HHS, where she worked on the Affordable Care Act. She’s bringing a boldly progressive platform, with a heavy focus on health care, to this Republican-leaning district, and wouldn’t it be wonderful to replace a Tea Party loon with nice, sturdy, lefty? Anyway, if you can read this article without feeling inspired AF, your heart is dead.

Illinois

IL-14

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Rep

Roll Call: Solid Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Mike Bishop

Randy Hultgren is…fucking hell, I’ve done like, 60 of these, and I could just cut and paste this from any of the other Wrinkly Old White Dude Incumbents on this page. Trump puppet/crap on guns/crap on women’s rights/crap on LGBTQ rights/crap on the environment/SUPER crap on taxes/crap on health care/kicks puppies, probably…how does Paul Ryan tell these jackasses apart?

The Good Gal

Susan Wild

Susan Wild dispatched an anti-choice, pro-ICE “Democrat” in her primary, so she’s already got dirt on her uniform from fighting the good fight.  The first female Allentown City Solicitor, Wild is running on health care, increasing the minimum wage, gun control, and all kinds of other good shit.  She’s endorsed by Emily’s List, Human Rights Campaign, and perhaps somewhat less impressively…Some Random Guy in a Superhero Bathrobe.

Pennsylvania

PA-07

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Solid Dem

Roll Call: Tilt Dem

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Marty Nothstein

Marty Nothstein is actually an Olympic gold and silver medalist in cycling, which is super cool, but doesn’t make him qualified to serve in the United States Congress.  He’s running on pure, unfiltered Trumpism; Nothstein is an anti-choice, pro-gun, jagoff who wants to repeal Obamacare, and there are already too many white dudes that fit that description in Congress.  Oh, and his company just settled a lawsuit alleging Marty heaped racist abuse on an immigrant employee.  Good lord, is there anyone left in the GOP that isn’t a complete and total asshole?

The Good Gal

Stacey Abrams

They’re so afraid of Stacey Abrams down in Georgia, they’re trying to close polling places so folks can’t vote for her. Hmmmm…I wonder if that has anything to do with that organization she founded that’s registered a couple hundred thousand voters of color there?

Stacey is a novelist and a job-creating entrepreneur, a lawyer and a former Minority Leader in the Georgia House of Representatives. She works her ass off, and beyond that, she’s exceptionally shrewd. Did you hear the story of how she stopped a massive backdoor tax increase? As a legislator, she’s more the roll-up-your-sleeves-and-get-shit-done type than the stand-in-the-corner-and-make-speeches-about-how-things-oughta-be purist, and frankly that’s why she’d make such a damn good governor.

Abrams would be the first black female governor in American history. She would also be one of the most qualified, effective, officeholders in the entire country. Let’s make some history, folks. Let’s give our friends in Georgia the governor they deserve.

Georgia

Ratings:

Roll Call: Likely Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Brian Kemp

Brian Kemp is the Georgia Secretary of State, and holy shit is he bad at his job. In 2016, he refused to cooperate with federal officials to protect election infrastructure from Russian cyber attacks. Later, in a paranoid fit, he baselessly accused the Department of Homeland Security of hacking into his voter database. He oversaw a massive data breach that led to millions of voters having their Social Security numbers exposed. And when my man Bri isn’t too busy fucking up every other aspect of his job, naturally he enjoys recreationally suppressing the minority vote.

And this fuckhead wants a PROMOTION?

The dude is just a dumb, hateful, jackass. Luckily for him, “dumb, hateful, jackass” is IN in GOP circles these days, so he won his primary by burning crosses and shitting his pants. He doesn’t talk about his record, because his record is trash. He doesn’t talk about policy, because the GOP’s platform has failed. He just whips up shitty old white people’s fears and resentments. The Peach State is changing, and rapidly…will this cheap demagoguery still work? Didn’t save Roy Moore next door…

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This