Shower Cap’s Midterms Six-Packs

Awesome Women: The Seasoned Pros

These women have the kind of experience you dream of in a Congressperson.  They’ve been fighting, and winning, for years now.  They’re proven leaders, ready to hit the ground running on day one.  

The Good Gal

Lisa Brown

Lisa Brown’s killer resume (20 years in Washington politics, rising to the post of Senate Majority Leader, followed by a run as Chancellor of Washington State University Spokane) is matched only by her killer platform (heavy on health care, and, as you’d expect, education, but chock full of other good, good, stuff). Lisa Brown gets shit done, folks. Lisa Brown has been changing the world for decades now. Let’s send her to Washington. Er, no…the other one.

Washington

WA-05

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Rep

Roll Call: Lean Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Gal

Cathy McMorris Rodgers

Cathy McMorris Rodgers has been in politics a loooooong time. Too long. How long? In the late 1990’s, when she was in the Washington State legislature, Cathy cosponsored legislation banning gay marriage. These days, she’s driven by a burning hatred of Obamacare; because SURVIVAL IS NOT FOR THE FILTHY TAKERS. She’s a dinosaur. It’s time. Plus, she hangs out with that one pigfucking traitor.

I’m not going to lie to y’all; CMR is in House GOP leadership for a reason; she’s a skilled politician and legislator, one of the most dangerous members of her caucus. This fall, we have our best chance yet at replacing her. Don’t let it go to waste.

The Good Gal

Angie Craig

Angie Craig has been working her ass off, and fighting her ass off, her whole dang life. She’s been a journalist and a high-powered health care executive. She’s created jobs and fought for (and won) her rights in the courts. Like, if you had a magic lamp and asked for the perfect Congressional candidate, the genie would just point at Angie Craig.  She has the experience, the perspective, and the plan we need to get the country back on the right track.

Minnesota

MN-02

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Lean Dem

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Truly Awful Guy

Jason Lewis

Jason Lewis is jackass talk radio host who ran for Congress so he could solve the truly pressing issues of our time, like Why Can’t We Call Women Sluts Anymore? He’s also buds with Rush Limbaugh, and super-duper racist, but I repeat myself. I’d use just three words to describe Jason: Hateful, stupid, and hateful. If you’re looking to flush Trumpism down the Toilet of History, this is your race to target. Of all the House match-ups this year, I don’t know that there’s a bigger decency gap between the candidates than in the Minnesota 2nd.

The Good Gal

Katie Hill

Katie Hill is the executive director and deputy CEO of PATH, a statewide organization battling homelessness. A prodigious fundraiser despite rejecting PAC and corporate money, Hill has an impressively detailed issues page, covering topics ranging from health care to campaign finance reform. And you have to like her experience successfully shepherding a pair of important ballot measures, Prop HHH and Measure H.  A proven track record of accomplishment and leadership?  In the U.S. Congress?  MADNESS.

California

CA-25

Political rankings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Steve Knight

Steve Knight is a fairly decent fellow, at least when he’s not threatening protesters. Knight is one of those Republicans who tries to have it both ways on Drumpfy, loudly proclaiming himself “deeply disturbed” by the whole “bragging about sexual assault to Billy Bush” thing, but then voting for the serial assaulter anyway. Steve-O is shitty on the environment, taxes, guns, and health care. For good measure, he thinks Social Security is “a bad idea.”

The Good Gal

Donna Shalala

If anyone could be said to be overqualified for a gig in the House, it’s Donna Shalala. As Clinton’s HHS Secretary, she oversaw the creation and implementation of the Children’s Health Insurance Program. Yeah. CHIP. She went on to work for for W., who later awarded her the Presidential Medal of Freedom. She’s led the Clinton Foundation and the University of Miami, and…I literally don’t have space to cover her full resume. Yeah, I guess the whole “lifetime of leadership and success” thing is pretty convincing. If you like that sort of thing.

Florida

FL-27

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Likely Dem

Roll Call: Lean Dem

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Gal

Maria Elvira Salazar

Maria Elvira Salazar is an award-winning broadcast journalist, with no political experience, running against the most qualified candidate in the country. She’s got a vaguely moderate Republican platform, though she’s still anti-choice and supports the damn tax scam. Anyhow, Hilldawg kicked Fuckhead’s ass in this district, and everyone expects it to flip.

The Good Gal

Haley Stevens

Haley Stevens used to be in a little band called “Obama’s Auto Task Force,” (she was Chief of Staff, and played slide guitar) which you remember from such hits as “saving the American automotive industry.” Stevens is that rare politician who actually understands the mechanics of job creation in the 21st century, having spent her career in workforce development. Check out her platform; we can have Haley Stevens, good on health care and jobs and civil rights and…well, most everything, or we can have a rubber Trump stamp.

Michigan

MI-11

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Gal

Lena Epstein

Lena Epstein is one of the Trumpiest candidates running, (she co-chaired his Michigan campaign, gross) looking to replace relative moderate David Trott and shift the seat a few miles to the lunatic right, so, y’know…fuck that. She briefly tried running against Debbie Stabenow, but chickened out. Epstein is actually the perfect 2018 Republican; an executive in the family business, with no relevant experience or qualifications and a tissue-thin “platform,” she’s eager to crack down on all the filthy takers who haven’t done the hard work of Being Born Into Wealth.

The Good Gal

Kathleen Williams

Kathleen Williams wasn’t supposed to win her primary, but she out-campaigned her better-funded opponents, driving her pick-up truck to every corner of the largest district in the lower 48. I think our caucus could use an injection of that sort of hustle, don’t you? Williams in an expert in natural resource economics/politics, working all over the public and private sectors, including three terms in the Montana House. She has a demonstrable history of A) Knowing her shit, and B) Getting shit done  She could also really use a hand with her fundraising, so pitch in, won’t ya?

Montana

That’s it…just…Montana

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Rep

Roll Call: Likely Rep

Cook: Lean Rep

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Guy

Greg Gianforte

Greg Gianforte is, of course, a violent criminal. Can’t we just fucking stop there? I mean, yes, he’s ALSO a shitty Congressman, just one more super-wealthy white dude cutting his own taxes while the rest of us rot, but call me a bleeding heart, I just can’t get past that one time when he physically assaulted a journalist and then tried lying about it until there turned out to be a recording. Oh, and he’s even an unusually ridiculous creationist. This man is pure, unfiltered trash.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This