Shower Cap’s Midterms Six-Packs

The Closest Races #1

If you want to put your money where it’ll go the furthest, and do the most good, these are the tightest House races in the country, the true toss-ups, where your help might just be the deciding factor!

The Good Gal

Cindy Axne

So, Cindy Axne found her way to politics in the best possible way; she encountered a problem that needed solving, (in this case, a lottery system for half- vs. all-day kindergarten in West Des Moines) and decided to put on her shit-kicking boots and solve it herself. A small business owner, Axne is running a campaign laser-focused on the needs of the Iowa 3rd, which is just how it oughta be done. This one’ll be a nail-biter, and Cindy could use your help.

Iowa

IA-03

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

David Young

Researching these entries, I was surprised at just how little information of consequence is out there on David Young, a two-term U.S. CongressDope. Another bland, tax-cuts-for-the-wealthy white dude, David is the walking definition of “backbencher.” His Wikipedia page is just a photograph of cold oatmeal. I see he wants to cut funding for Planned Parenthood, that sucks. Iowa, don’t you deserve better than Mr. Cellophane?

The Good Guy

Sean Casten

What better way to fight the anti-science GOP than with a scientist? Sean Casten is a biochemist, and a clean energy entrepreneur. Wouldn’t it be nice to have an environmental warrior in Congress instead of a mush-brained fossil fuel company puppet? Casten is also running on health care and college affordability, and gun control, and…actually, he has an unusually thorough issues page, which you should check out. Detail like that reminds me of Hillary Clinton, and that’s a hefty compliment.

Illinois

IL-06

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Rep

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Peter Roskam

Peter Roskam is…how shall I put this…a great big smelly butthole. I first encountered Pete during the famous Hilldawg/Benghazi hearing, where he decided to use his platform to bring attention to the heretofore-ignored issue of What a Raging Ignorant Jackass Peter Roskam Is.  Pete was also one of the conservajags who tried to eliminate the independent Office of Congressional Ethics, which is a SUPER-WEIRD thing for a dude who’s faced a significant congressional ethics investigation of his own, isn’t it? He’s a climate change denier and a gun nut, an Obamacare-repealer, an anti-choice fanatic, and a trickle-upper. Vote him off the goddamn planet.

The Good Gal

Sharice Davids

Sharice Davids makes plenty of headlines, as potentially the first openly LGBTQ Native American Woman in congress, and an MMA fighter, and a lawyer, but there’s so much more to like beyond the biography. Health care, DACA, voting rights, gun control, education…it’s all there. She’s whip smart, tough as nails, and has the sort of real-life experiences and perspective we need to counterbalance all those lawyers and businesstwerps on Capitol Hill.

Kansas

KS-03

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Kevin Yoder

Kevin Yoder prides himself on his civility, he really does. So while he’s voting to take away your health care, or to cut his wealthy donors’ taxes, or to spend your money on Wee Don’s Big Stupid Wall, please imagine him tipping his cap and smiling. Since Yoder’s agenda isn’t popular with actual humans, he’s fueled largely by PAC and corporate cash. Anyway, in the end, Kevin is most famous for skinny dipping at a holy site, and the district where Shower Cap grew up fucking well deserves better.

The Good Guy

Antonio Delgado

Antonio Delgado is a Rhodes Scholar and a lawyer and now a candidate for the United States Congress, and also he used to be a rapper. Guess which part of that the Fux Nooz crowd (and his dirtbag opponent) is using to frighten old white people? But check out Delgado’s platform, it’s full of good good stuff like protecting and expanding access to health care, defending women’s rights and the environment, and improving education. Because unlike his opponent, Antonio actually wants his constituents’ lives to be, y’know…good.

New York

NY-19

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

John Faso

John Faso is running on rap lyrics because he can’t run on his shitty, shitty record. Or maybe he’s just pissy that his many attempts to repeal Obamacare and strip millions of Americans of their health insurance failed so miserably. He hasn’t been able to help his constituents with their actual problems, so he fear-mongers about fake ones like MS-13, because he’s a racist sack of shit. Let’s end this fuckwad’s career after just one term.

The Good Guy

Dan Feehan

Dan Feehan is an Iraq veteran (he earned the Bronze Star), a former teacher, and oh yeah, served as an acting Assistant Secretary of Defense under Obama. I love how he always puts his teaching experience on equal footing with his showier credentials, and I love his sincere commitment to the idea of “service.” Feehan’s campaign is laser-focused on his district’s unique needs, which is how things oughta be. Comparing Dan to his opponent is, honestly, like choosing between the ribeye at Gibsons and a dumpster full of used diapers.

Minnesota

MN-01

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Rep

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Jim Hagedorn

Google Jim Hagedorn, and you’ll find an article wondering if he’s “the worst Republican candidate in America,” and it’s easy to see why. Jimbo stands out as unusually bigoted and misogynistic even in the 2018 GOP, and isn’t that a horrifying thought? He’s actually lost three different elections for this seat already, probably because he’s such a raging idiot/massive asshole. Popular incumbent Tim Walz vacated this seat, and Trump won the district by 15 points, so it seems we’re lucky enough to have stumbled across the one guy jaggy enough to lose this race.

The Good Guy

Brendan Kelly

Brendan Kelly is a Navy veteran and the State’s Attorney for St. Clair County, Illinois. In that post, he’s taken on big banks and big pharma, in addition to creating new units to prosecute violent crime, and crimes against children. The way I see it, Brendan’s exactly the sort of two-fisted battler we need on Team Blue in Congress. Plus, check out his district-focused action plan.

Illinois

IL-12

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Tilt Rep

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Mike Bost

Mike Bost is the sort of old white dude who still says “Orientals,” apparently. Mike’s pretty bland, actually; just another loyal drone in Paul Ryan’s army. He voted to steal health care from millions, and to make the already-wealthy even wealthier via the GOP tax scam. Choosing between Brendan Kelly and Mike Bost is like choosing between a 25-year-old Scotch and a shot glass full of armadillo piss.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This