Shower Cap’s Midterms Six-Packs

The Closest Races #2

If you want to put your money where it’ll go the furthest, and do the most good, these are the tightest House races in the country, the true toss-ups, where your help might just be the deciding factor!

The Good Guy

Andy Kim

Andy Kim is a former national security official who decided to challenge his Congressman when his Congressman tried to strip millions of Americans of their health insurance, because unlike his Congressman, Andy Kim is a decent human being. He’s a Rhodes Scholar. He’s worked for David Petraeus and Barack Obama. He’s served his country from the Pentagon to the White House to Afghanistan. Let’s add Congress to that list, shall we?

New Jersey

NJ-03

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Tom MacArthur

Tom MacArthur has a weird approach to representing his constituents; he votes to raise their taxes and cut their services. This dumbass wrote, and actually slapped his own name on the amendment in the AHCA that repealed protections for folks with pre-existing conditions. If you’re in Tom’s district, for heaven’s sake, lock your doors or he’ll steal your hamster and piss in your ice cube tray. Let’s send this wannabe plutocrat, this fake moderate, home to enjoy the fruits of the tax cut he gave himself.

The Good Gal

Amy McGrath

Amy McGrath spent 20 years in the Marine Corps, breaking barriers and flying 89 combat missions. She’s a fierce campaigner, beating an establishment favorite in the primary she once trailed by 47 points, so she’d surely be an upgrade over an invisible foot soldier like Andy Barr. By the way, if you want to see something impressive, read through Amy’s insanely detailed, district-focused economic plan.

Kentucky

KY-06

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Rep

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Andy Barr

Andy Barr is a another one of those cookie-cutter GOP drones, a bland, white, male, lawyer who wants to cut rich people’s taxes and take health care away from millions of Americans. Of course he’s garbage on women’s rights, LGBT rights, the environment, taxes, gun control…is there some factory where they churn out cheap clones of the Generic Republican? Like, “Soylent Conservatives,” or something?

The Good Guy

Joe Radinovich

Joe Radinovich has been protesting and organizing for the hard-working people of Minnesota since he was in 8th grade. He stood up to sexual harassment in his workplace while running the previous MN-08 Rep’s reelection campaign. And though he served a term in the Minnesota House, he lost his seat largely because fought for marriage equality even when his district opposed it. Washington needs strong, brave, moral, fighters like Joe Radinovich. Oh, and Joe is one of the candidates who could actually use a bit of a hand with his fundraising, to be honest.

Minnesota

MN-08

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Pete Stauber

Pete Stauber is an ex-hockey player and police officer, and quite possibly the only Republican House candidate with a legit shot at picking off a seat currently held by Team Blue. Which is bad, because he’s alllll about dat Dotard, racism, sexism, authoritarianism, and all. Peter believes women shouldn’t have the right to make decisions about their own bodies, but guns? The rights of guns shall ne’er be infringed!

The Good Guy

Harley Rouda

In this particular district, I guess the best thing about Harley Rouda is that he’s not a Russian asset. Harley’s been an attorney and an entrepreneur, as well as pleasantly active philanthropist. Rouda used to be a Republican, but switched parties when he realized that the GOP no longer reflected his values, because he is not a complete and utter shitbag. Still, his platform is solid, and his past could make him more palatable in the conservative-leaning OC.

California

CA-48

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Lean Dem

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Dana Rohrabacher

Dana Rohrabacher represents his constituents’ needs with ferocious loyalty and attention, assuming his constituents are not the good folks of Orange County, but Vladimir Putin and his oligarch budz. Dana’s so far up Vlad’s ass, he’s practically Trump’s roommate. The little bastard even has his very own Kremlin code name, for fuck’s sake. Beyond the treason stuff, he supports all the usual Republican fuckery, from Obamacare repeal to torture to, apparently, arming toddlers. And there’s even weirder shit, too.

The Good Gal

Dr. Kim Schrier

Dr. Kim Schrier is a pediatrician who took the leap from protestor to candidate when she saw the GOP was hellbent on repealing Obamacare, because that would, y’know…hurt people. Diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as a teen, she understands what the health care system used to be like for someone with a preexisting condition. Dr. Schrier’s whole platform is strong, covering everything from gun control to reproductive rights to protecting the environment. Plus, she’d be the only female doctor in the House; I think that’s a voice we damn well need.

Washington

WA-08

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Dem

The Bad Guy

Dino Rossi

Dino Rossi is, and after the other profiles on this page you may find this shocking, a rich white guy who wants to go to Congress to cut his own taxes. The NRA loves Dino. The Club for Growth loves Dino. The Koch brothers love Dino. Donald Trump loves Dino. The voters of Washington? Not so much, as they’ve rejected his candidacy for statewide office three times now. Probably because his life’s work consists largely of trying to take folks’ health insurance away while rubbing donor money all over his body.

The Good Gal

Elissa Slotkin

Elissa Slotkin served three tours with the CIA in Iraq, and then worked as a national security official under Presidents Bush and Obama, so naturally her dirtbag opponent is hitting her for not living in the district while she served her country in the Pentagon and overseas. Slotkin jumped into the race when she saw Mike Bishop’s shit-eating grin in the Rose Garden, celebrating the House’s passage of the constituent-murdering AHCA. Basically, Elissa Slotkin was fighting ISIS while her opponent was fighting to steal health insurance from his own constituents, so…yeah, this choice ain’t hard.

Michigan

MI-08

Ratings:

FiveThirtyEight: Toss-Up

Roll Call: Tilt Rep

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Mike Bishop

What can you say about Mike Bishop? Fucking NOTHING, that’s what. Google him yourself, you don’t believe me. This dude is useless. You get the impression he just naps in the back of the House floor, waking up periodically to vote for whatever shit Trump wants. Two terms in Washington, what has this doorstop accomplished? I poked around the jagoff’s own website, I can’t find anything. You could replace this guy with a can of Flarp and it’d be an upgrade.

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