The Bad Guy

David Young

Researching these entries, I was surprised at just how little information of consequence exists regarding David Young, a former two-term U.S. Congressdoorstop. His Wikipedia page is just a photograph of cold oatmeal. Long story short, Young voted for the GOP tax scam and the monstrous AHCA, and his constituents fired him for it. Now he wants back in to do Trump’s bidding again? Fuck no. National Republicans are going to spend big to reinstall their docile puppet, but doesn’t Iowa (still) deserve better than Mr. Cellophane?

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The Bad Guy

John Katko

John Katko was supposed to be one of those sane, rational conservatives who would stand up to Hairplug Himmler, but then it turned out the word “courage” had been entirely excised from the GOP dictionary. There are no moderate Republicans, only fascists and their doormats; John Katko is the proof.  Additionally, on issues from taxes to health care, he regularly votes against his constituents’ interests. Fire him. Fire him right now.

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The Bad Guy

Rich McCormick

Donnie Dotard retweeted one of Rich McCormick’s wingnut rants about the coronavirus, making him an instant Cult45 celebrity, so now he gets to be a congressional candidate, how fun. That this drooling quack been so dangerously wrong about the pandemic, over and over again (Hydroxychloroquine? Really?) makes me think maybe he’s not the leader we need right now. Rich is one of these new post-reality, post-sanity Republican leeches trying to latch a ride to power on Trump’s ass, and he absolutely must be fucking stopped.

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The Bad Gal

Claudia Tenney

Claudia Tenney SUCKS, y’all. A dutiful little Trumper, she gained national fame by insisting mass shooters tend to be Democrats, a claim she pulled directly out of her ass. (Claudia is, naturally, an NRA puppet) She’s one of those loons who blames everything on the DEEP STATE, including, I shit you not, Ben Carson’s $31,000 dining set. While in office, she also claimed the bullshit GOP tax bill “already paid for” itself, in a genuinely Trumpian display of dumbass mendacity. We got this one right last time; please keep this maniac out of Congress.

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The Bad Guy

David Valadao

David Valadao got fired last time ‘round over his sinister attempt to steal health care from thousands of his constituents, and now he wants his old job back…during a pandemic. Since leaving Congress, Dave’s been spending his time walking out on lawsuit settlements over unpaid wages, and defaulting on loans. Look, I know failed businessmen are “in” in GOP circles these days, but California deserves better than a lightly-refurbished Trump stooge.

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The Bad Gal

Nancy Mace

Nancy Mace is a onetime Tea Party gadfly candidate who skipped to the front of the line when the gadflies took over. Mace worked for Trump in 2016, so she didn’t even have to sell out to join the treasonous modern GOP. She owned and operated this shitty little political gossip site where she published all this petty tripe, so OF COURSE Republicans are running her for the U.S. Congress. All the usual terrible Republican ideas are there, of course, especially on health care. It’s time for an all-Joe ticket in SC-1. 

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The Bad Gal

Amanda Adkins

Amanda Adkins frankly has a lot of fucking nerve even running, after her role in transforming my beloved Kansas into Brownbackistan. After her batshit wingnut policies crotch-punted the state’s education system, Adkins now says, “also I want to take away your health care, vote for me!” Amanda needed her rich father’s money to bail her out of a nasty little primary, likely because her reckless, anti-science coronavirus jabber proves her judgement remains extremely shitty.

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The Bad Guy

Chip Roy

Chip Roy used to be Ted Cruz’s chief of staff, and that’s probably enough to make my case, but here are some other ways he sucks, if you need ‘em: he held up a disaster relief bill in one of his wingnut tantrums, he has wet, sticky feelings about drug company profits, and he’s had lots of crazy, racist, dishonest stuff to say about the pandemic. Roy sucks so hard he almost lost this seat in 2018 when nobody really thought it was in play. I’m sure he’ll be happier back on the Zodiac Killer’s staff anyway.

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The Bad Guy

Scott Perry

Scott Perry is a decorated veteran and I thank him for his service…at least up to the point when he jumped on the maniac Tea Party Express and started fucking up our government. Scott’s the kind of dude who spouts conspiracy theories, like linking the mass shooting in Las Vegas to ISIS, and spreads deadly coronavirus disinformation. He’s an anti-choice, anti-health care, immigration hardliner/gun nut. Oh, and my proposed constitutional amendment that would bar doofuses who get humiliated by Sacha Baron Cohen from Congress would make him ineligible anyway.

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The Bad Guy

Don Bacon

Don Bacon served the nation in the Air Force for more than 29 years, attaining the rank of Brigadier General. Then he went to Congress to take health care away from the very people he’d been protecting so long, which doesn’t make a lick of sense to me. He opposes women’s rights and LGBTQ rights and gun control. To Don Bacon, there’s always plenty of money for the military (when all you have is a hammer…) and the GOP’s wealthy donor class, but health insurance for America’s working people? Sorry, chumps.

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The Bad Guy

Jim Hagedorn

Jim Hagedorn was already known as an unusually bigoted and misogynistic sack of shit, even by the standards of Trump’s GOP, and then the Black Lives Matter protests sent him over the edge into full white nationalism. Hagedorn hates poor people as much as he hates black people, but there’s nothing he hates as much as Minnesotans who believe they have a right to health care. Losing elections is an old hobby of Jim’s, and it’s time to reacquaint him with that sensation.

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The Bad Gal

Ashley Hinson

Ashely Hinson hilariously referred to herself as “a recovering journalist” at a Trump rally, (you know, those places where they incite violence against journalists) and now hopes to ride a wave of plagiarism and lies to Congress, where she’d dutiful carry out the anti-worker agenda national Republicans recruited her to enact. Unless we get Abby Finkenauer’s back, that is. This one’s gonna be a nail-biter, folks. 

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The Bad Guy

Dale Crafts

Dale Crafts is one of the Republican Party’s “young guns” and no I’m not kidding. I guess the cutting edge conservative up-n’-comers these days are rich old white men with medieval views on reproductive rights and marriage equality, dudes so wingnutty even their endorsements read like warnings. Dale is staunchly anti-health care, but manically pro-gun, an excellent fit for the death cult that is the modern GOP, but why would you let this loon write laws?

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The Bad Guy

Andrew Garbarino

Andrew Garbarino has been such an obedient little puppet in the New York State Assembly, his donor masters want to send him to Washington to cut their federal taxes for change. Garbarino’s own stated reasons for seeking this seat are full of cold political calculations, and eerily free of constituent concerns. This Dem-trending district was loyal to Peter King for decades, but Pete finally flushed himself off into the sunset, and we can absolutely beat this glorified accountant to plutocrats.

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The Bad Gal

Victoria Spartz

Victoria Spartz was probably the shittiest candidate in a crowded primary to succeed retiring Susan Brooks, and her shittiness puts the seat in play, huzzah! Victoria is hoping that screaming Socialism Socialism Socialism will distract Indiana voters from her shady self-dealing and lunatic wingnut platform. The good news is, this Club for Growth stooge can’t seem to raise money, and this is one of those suburban districts we’ve been picking off, so I like our chances here.

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The Bad Gal

Stephanie Bice

Oklahoma State Senator Stephanie Bice is a rising star in the GOP, which is something you only come to be by doing shitty stuff like opposing your own constituents’ right to health care, while simultaneously backing more taxpayer-funded pay for Stephanie Bice. An NRA puppet, a wannabe wall-builder, and an anti-choice fanatic, Bice is perhaps most famous for lying about having Mike Pence’s support during the exceptionally nasty Republican primary for this seat, and lordy, if you’re desperate/clownish/immoral enough to bicker and fib about that sad, hollow puppet’s backing, you’re certainly not fit for leadership.

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The Bad Guy

Jeff Van Drew

Jeff Van Drew is a treasonous little shitweasel who unhesitatingly discarded his every professed belief after one bad internal poll. After riding the 2018 Blue Wave to Washington, Jeff’s refusal to back impeachment angered the very people who elected him, so he simply said “just kidding about everything I’ve ever said to anyone,” and merrily pledged “undying support” to a new Turd Emperor. HOT TAKE: people who believe in nothing except procuring power for themselves shouldn’t be lawmakers.

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The Bad Guy

David Richter

David Richter is yet another rich white guy looking to buy his way into politics any way he can. And it turns out if that meant going nuclear on a party favorite when Jeff Van Drew’s treachery forced him to find a new district to run in, well…no problem. Yeah, Richter is a bit of a carpetbagger, sure, but he’s also a cookie-cutter wall-building Trumpist, and if you still believe we need businessmen to clean up Washington, WOOO YOU CRAZY. PS, the dude literally moved jobs out of New Jersey, so caveat emptor and all that. 

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The Bad Guy

Troy Nehls

Troy Nehls is a local sheriff who is perhaps most famous for repeatedly downplaying his county’s notorious human trafficking problem. Before he was a shitty sheriff, Troy was a shitty cop, who got fired for “reasons including destruction of evidence.” Lately, he’s been a dangerous anti-mask/anti-science voice during the pandemic, even as COVID-19 spread through his district. Oh and he’s rabid Trumper, of course. Unless we want Gym Jordan’s Creepy Wingnut Caucus to grow, let’s keep this clown away from Congress.

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The Bad Guy

Rodney Davis

Rodney Davis is out of touch because he’s never worked a day outside of politics. He transitioned from campaign work to Congressional staff, ran for office a couple times and lost, before finally finding a spot on the back bench, beginning an undistinguished career as a rubber stamp. Rodney was useless before Trump came along, and he wasted little time in selling out completely. He’s counting on his voters forgetting the smile on his face as he voted to take away their health insurance. Let’s remind them.

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The Bad Guy

Scott Taylor

So, Scott Taylor is supposed to be a moderate. So “moderate” he voted for the AHCA, knowing it would wreck millions of American lives. He also voted for the GOP tax scam, even as he neglected to pay his own taxes. Scotty’s actually super shady, from his business history to his campaign forging signatures in an attempt to get a vote-splitting independent on the ballot. Coastal Virginia fired this crook two years ago for good reason, and now he wants his old gig back? Hard pass.

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The Bad Guy

Burgess Owens

Burgess Owens is a former NFL player turned manic culture warrior, throwing tantrums about antifa and “radical left” anthem-kneelers, but don’t worry, he’s also a dutiful Trump drone who hangs out with the absolute lunatics of the QAnon movement. Of course, Burgess believes the middle of a pandemic is a jolly good time to steal health care from thousands of his potential constituents. Ultimately, just another wingnut idiot who says stupid shit on TV.

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The Bad Gal

Karen Handel

Karen Handel is so shitty, she’s managed to be shitty at CHARITY. While serving as a Vice President at Susan G. Komen for the Cure, Karen tried to cut off funding to Planned Parenthood, and when that blew up in her face, she threw a fit and quit. As Georgia Secretary of State, Handel was a ferocious vote suppressor. Anti-health care, anti-minimum wage, anti-immigrant, anti-LGBTQ…Karen Handel fucking sucks, y’all. We beat her in the midterms, but it looks like this one needs one more flush.

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The Bad Guy

Carlos Giménez

Carlos Giménez, as Mayor of Miami-Dade County, followed the disastrous Trump/DeSantis/Grim Reaper coronavirus playbook, perhaps assuming voters would elevate him to higher office if only to get him to stop killing them. Also, since Giménez is so corrupt he has a legit monorail scandal on his record, it shouldn’t surprise you to learn he’s waving fistfuls of CARES Act funding around under a GET YER BRIBES HERE sign. Just another servile Trump sellout lookin’ to crawl into the swamp.

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The Bad Guy

Tony Gonzales

Tony Gonzales just barely squeaked by in a primary as nasty as a truck stop bathroom. From stiffing contractors to illegally having a campaign volunteer pose as a border patrol agent to, ahem, his mom calling the cops on his opponent, Tony is exactly the sort of ethical train wreck you’d expect Conman Don’s GOP to attract, which is why FUCK NO he doesn’t belong in Congress. That he’s running as a crazed Trumpist in this Clinton +4 district shows he’s too fucking dumb for the job, too.

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The Bad Gal

Nicole Malliotakis

If you like flip-flopping hacks with absolutely no core beliefs who’ll say anything to get elected, you’re going to LOVE Nicole Malliotakis. Yes, this is the same Malliotakis that ran for Mayor of NYC, though her current platform is unrecognizable, on issues ranging from Trump to voting by mail. Oh, and allies of her campaign doctored a photograph to make it look like she was donating supplies to coronavirus first responders, when she actually…didn’t do that. And this one of the GOP’s better recruits, YIKES.

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The Bad Guy

Peter Meijer

Peter Meijer is the hand-picked lapdog of the DeVos family, and you hate him already, don’t you? Young Pete worked hard his whole life to JUST KIDDING he was born into truly sickening wealth, and believes his unearned good fortune means he deserves the power to make other folks’ lives shittier. Meijer wants to keep hard-working Americans underpaid, but don’t worry, he also wants to take away their health care. I’d like to think we’ve learned our lesson when it comes to electing pampered rich boy bigots.

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The Bad Guy

Steve Chabot

Steve Chabot is exactly the sort of corrupt, out-of-touch suburban Republican that’s rapidly going extinct, running hard on his failed, dated platform, his anti-choice record, and his anti-health-care-in-general record. Chabot’s hobbies include climate change denial, and calling the cops on his constituents for recording town halls. Steve-O is also a big ol’ impeachment hypocrite, with a giant campaign finance scandal. We actually sent this creep packing once before; let’s make it stick this time.

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The Bad Gal

Ann Wagner

Ann Wagner is most famous for her unrestrained glee at voting to steal health insurance from millions of Americans, which is, y’know…demented. Before coming to Congress, Wagner spent years as a Republican political operative, which explains her partisan disdain for half the people she “represents.” Seriously, she really hates actually dealing with her constituents. In many ways, Ann is the perfect GOP CongressHack: a multimillionaire raking in donations from other multimillionaires to rig the system in favor of multimillionaires.

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The Bad Guy

Mike Garcia

Mike Garcia was an executive at a defense contractor before sneaking into this seat when Katie Hill vacated it, and I think Congress would be better off with one less weapons dealer alumnus, don’t you? An anti-choice fanatic, and a health-care-stealing jerk, Mike likes to scream SOCIALISM over and over so nobody notices how much he sucks. We noticed. Mike isn’t much of a Congressman, but he’ll make an interesting footnote.

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The Bad Guy

Nick Freitas

Nick Freitas is a cookie-cutter Rand Rand Paul/Heritage/FreedomWorks jackass who launched himself to wingnut stardom with a deranged, hateful, pro-gun speech on the floor of the House of Delgates that sounds like a bot after being fed 5,000 hours of Fox commentary. Anyway, young Nick is that magic combination of whinging victimhood, regurgitated talking points, and white boy mediocrity that drives Cult45 wild, but holy fuck he has no business writing anybody’s laws.

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The Bad Guy

David Schweikert

David Schweikert is so fucking corrupt, even members of his own party joined a unanimous House vote to reprimand his crooked ass. When he’s not committing crimes, Schweikert likes trying to steal his constituents’ health care, or get them killed outright, serving as one of the NRA’s nuttiest lapdogs. Still, history teaches us that Dave will pull every dirty trick in the book to keep his grift going, because he’s not one of those fun, noble, anti-hero criminals from the movies, he’s just a sack of shit.

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The Bad Gal

Yvette Herrell

This one’s a rematch; Yvette Herrell won’t take “leave us the fuck alone” for an answer. Before her failed attempt to bring Dotard-style hate politics to New Mexico, Herrell served on the board of everyone’s favorite band of corporation-humping ratfuckers, ALEC, ewwwwww. She won her primary by claiming to be the Trumpiest of Them All, which she proves by attacking the media and lying a lot. Another premature victory speech sure would be hilarious, though.

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The Bad Gal

Beth Van Duyne

Celebrity hate-monger Beth Van Duyne rocketed to wingnut superstardom when, as Mayor of Irving, Texas, she said a bunch of hellaciously racist shit to Glenn Beck following the Ahmed Mohamed clock incident, and she’s been vomiting up insane, hateful lies about “Sharia law” ever since. That’s pretty much the whole argument here, “Look how much I hate Muslims, please send me to Congress to hurt them.” Shitty person, shitty mayor…she’d be a super-shitty Congresswoman.

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The Bad Guy

Matt Rosendale

Matt Rosendale didn’t take the hint when Montana voters rejected his plutocrat ass as a Senate candidate in 2018; I guess he thinks folks secretly really want rich white dudes to take their health care away during a pandemic, so he’s taking his faux everyman schtick out for another spin. Matt’s plan to use this seat to serve his Texas oil billionaire partners’ interests is pretty sinister, but what do you expect from a carpetbagging Trump sycophant?

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The Bad Guy

David Young

Researching these entries, I was surprised at just how little information of consequence exists regarding David Young, a former two-term U.S. Congressdoorstop. His Wikipedia page is just a photograph of cold oatmeal. Long story short, Young voted for the GOP tax scam and the monstrous AHCA, and his constituents fired him for it. Now he wants back in to do Trump’s bidding again? Fuck no. National Republicans are going to spend big to reinstall their docile puppet, but doesn’t Iowa (still) deserve better than Mr. Cellophane?

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The Bad Guy

John Katko

John Katko was supposed to be one of those sane, rational conservatives who would stand up to Hairplug Himmler, but then it turned out the word “courage” had been entirely excised from the GOP dictionary. There are no moderate Republicans, only fascists and their doormats; John Katko is the proof.  Additionally, on issues from taxes to health care, he regularly votes against his constituents’ interests. Fire him. Fire him right now.

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The Bad Guy

Rich McCormick

Donnie Dotard retweeted one of Rich McCormick’s wingnut rants about the coronavirus, making him an instant Cult45 celebrity, so now he gets to be a congressional candidate, how fun. That this drooling quack been so dangerously wrong about the pandemic, over and over again (Hydroxychloroquine? Really?) makes me think maybe he’s not the leader we need right now. Rich is one of these new post-reality, post-sanity Republican leeches trying to latch a ride to power on Trump’s ass, and he absolutely must be fucking stopped.

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The Bad Gal

Claudia Tenney

Claudia Tenney SUCKS, y’all. A dutiful little Trumper, she gained national fame by insisting mass shooters tend to be Democrats, a claim she pulled directly out of her ass. (Claudia is, naturally, an NRA puppet) She’s one of those loons who blames everything on the DEEP STATE, including, I shit you not, Ben Carson’s $31,000 dining set. While in office, she also claimed the bullshit GOP tax bill “already paid for” itself, in a genuinely Trumpian display of dumbass mendacity. We got this one right last time; please keep this maniac out of Congress.

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The Bad Guy

David Valadao

David Valadao got fired last time ‘round over his sinister attempt to steal health care from thousands of his constituents, and now he wants his old job back…during a pandemic. Since leaving Congress, Dave’s been spending his time walking out on lawsuit settlements over unpaid wages, and defaulting on loans. Look, I know failed businessmen are “in” in GOP circles these days, but California deserves better than a lightly-refurbished Trump stooge.

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The Bad Gal

Nancy Mace

Nancy Mace is a onetime Tea Party gadfly candidate who skipped to the front of the line when the gadflies took over. Mace worked for Trump in 2016, so she didn’t even have to sell out to join the treasonous modern GOP. She owned and operated this shitty little political gossip site where she published all this petty tripe, so OF COURSE Republicans are running her for the U.S. Congress. All the usual terrible Republican ideas are there, of course, especially on health care. It’s time for an all-Joe ticket in SC-1. 

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The Bad Gal

Amanda Adkins

Amanda Adkins frankly has a lot of fucking nerve even running, after her role in transforming my beloved Kansas into Brownbackistan. After her batshit wingnut policies crotch-punted the state’s education system, Adkins now says, “also I want to take away your health care, vote for me!” Amanda needed her rich father’s money to bail her out of a nasty little primary, likely because her reckless, anti-science coronavirus jabber proves her judgement remains extremely shitty.

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The Bad Guy

Chip Roy

Chip Roy used to be Ted Cruz’s chief of staff, and that’s probably enough to make my case, but here are some other ways he sucks, if you need ‘em: he held up a disaster relief bill in one of his wingnut tantrums, he has wet, sticky feelings about drug company profits, and he’s had lots of crazy, racist, dishonest stuff to say about the pandemic. Roy sucks so hard he almost lost this seat in 2018 when nobody really thought it was in play. I’m sure he’ll be happier back on the Zodiac Killer’s staff anyway.

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The Bad Guy

Scott Perry

Scott Perry is a decorated veteran and I thank him for his service…at least up to the point when he jumped on the maniac Tea Party Express and started fucking up our government. Scott’s the kind of dude who spouts conspiracy theories, like linking the mass shooting in Las Vegas to ISIS, and spreads deadly coronavirus disinformation. He’s an anti-choice, anti-health care, immigration hardliner/gun nut. Oh, and my proposed constitutional amendment that would bar doofuses who get humiliated by Sacha Baron Cohen from Congress would make him ineligible anyway.

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The Bad Guy

Don Bacon

Don Bacon served the nation in the Air Force for more than 29 years, attaining the rank of Brigadier General. Then he went to Congress to take health care away from the very people he’d been protecting so long, which doesn’t make a lick of sense to me. He opposes women’s rights and LGBTQ rights and gun control. To Don Bacon, there’s always plenty of money for the military (when all you have is a hammer…) and the GOP’s wealthy donor class, but health insurance for America’s working people? Sorry, chumps.

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The Bad Guy

Jim Hagedorn

Jim Hagedorn was already known as an unusually bigoted and misogynistic sack of shit, even by the standards of Trump’s GOP, and then the Black Lives Matter protests sent him over the edge into full white nationalism. Hagedorn hates poor people as much as he hates black people, but there’s nothing he hates as much as Minnesotans who believe they have a right to health care. Losing elections is an old hobby of Jim’s, and it’s time to reacquaint him with that sensation.

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The Bad Gal

Ashley Hinson

Ashely Hinson hilariously referred to herself as “a recovering journalist” at a Trump rally, (you know, those places where they incite violence against journalists) and now hopes to ride a wave of plagiarism and lies to Congress, where she’d dutiful carry out the anti-worker agenda national Republicans recruited her to enact. Unless we get Abby Finkenauer’s back, that is. This one’s gonna be a nail-biter, folks. 

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The Bad Guy

Dale Crafts

Dale Crafts is one of the Republican Party’s “young guns” and no I’m not kidding. I guess the cutting edge conservative up-n’-comers these days are rich old white men with medieval views on reproductive rights and marriage equality, dudes so wingnutty even their endorsements read like warnings. Dale is staunchly anti-health care, but manically pro-gun, an excellent fit for the death cult that is the modern GOP, but why would you let this loon write laws?

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The Bad Guy

Andrew Garbarino

Andrew Garbarino has been such an obedient little puppet in the New York State Assembly, his donor masters want to send him to Washington to cut their federal taxes for change. Garbarino’s own stated reasons for seeking this seat are full of cold political calculations, and eerily free of constituent concerns. This Dem-trending district was loyal to Peter King for decades, but Pete finally flushed himself off into the sunset, and we can absolutely beat this glorified accountant to plutocrats.

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The Bad Gal

Victoria Spartz

Victoria Spartz was probably the shittiest candidate in a crowded primary to succeed retiring Susan Brooks, and her shittiness puts the seat in play, huzzah! Victoria is hoping that screaming Socialism Socialism Socialism will distract Indiana voters from her shady self-dealing and lunatic wingnut platform. The good news is, this Club for Growth stooge can’t seem to raise money, and this is one of those suburban districts we’ve been picking off, so I like our chances here.

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The Bad Gal

Stephanie Bice

Oklahoma State Senator Stephanie Bice is a rising star in the GOP, which is something you only come to be by doing shitty stuff like opposing your own constituents’ right to health care, while simultaneously backing more taxpayer-funded pay for Stephanie Bice. An NRA puppet, a wannabe wall-builder, and an anti-choice fanatic, Bice is perhaps most famous for lying about having Mike Pence’s support during the exceptionally nasty Republican primary for this seat, and lordy, if you’re desperate/clownish/immoral enough to bicker and fib about that sad, hollow puppet’s backing, you’re certainly not fit for leadership.

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The Bad Guy

Jeff Van Drew

Jeff Van Drew is a treasonous little shitweasel who unhesitatingly discarded his every professed belief after one bad internal poll. After riding the 2018 Blue Wave to Washington, Jeff’s refusal to back impeachment angered the very people who elected him, so he simply said “just kidding about everything I’ve ever said to anyone,” and merrily pledged “undying support” to a new Turd Emperor. HOT TAKE: people who believe in nothing except procuring power for themselves shouldn’t be lawmakers.

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The Bad Guy

David Richter

David Richter is yet another rich white guy looking to buy his way into politics any way he can. And it turns out if that meant going nuclear on a party favorite when Jeff Van Drew’s treachery forced him to find a new district to run in, well…no problem. Yeah, Richter is a bit of a carpetbagger, sure, but he’s also a cookie-cutter wall-building Trumpist, and if you still believe we need businessmen to clean up Washington, WOOO YOU CRAZY. PS, the dude literally moved jobs out of New Jersey, so caveat emptor and all that. 

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The Bad Guy

Troy Nehls

Troy Nehls is a local sheriff who is perhaps most famous for repeatedly downplaying his county’s notorious human trafficking problem. Before he was a shitty sheriff, Troy was a shitty cop, who got fired for “reasons including destruction of evidence.” Lately, he’s been a dangerous anti-mask/anti-science voice during the pandemic, even as COVID-19 spread through his district. Oh and he’s rabid Trumper, of course. Unless we want Gym Jordan’s Creepy Wingnut Caucus to grow, let’s keep this clown away from Congress.

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The Bad Guy

Rodney Davis

Rodney Davis is out of touch because he’s never worked a day outside of politics. He transitioned from campaign work to Congressional staff, ran for office a couple times and lost, before finally finding a spot on the back bench, beginning an undistinguished career as a rubber stamp. Rodney was useless before Trump came along, and he wasted little time in selling out completely. He’s counting on his voters forgetting the smile on his face as he voted to take away their health insurance. Let’s remind them.

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The Bad Guy

Scott Taylor

So, Scott Taylor is supposed to be a moderate. So “moderate” he voted for the AHCA, knowing it would wreck millions of American lives. He also voted for the GOP tax scam, even as he neglected to pay his own taxes. Scotty’s actually super shady, from his business history to his campaign forging signatures in an attempt to get a vote-splitting independent on the ballot. Coastal Virginia fired this crook two years ago for good reason, and now he wants his old gig back? Hard pass.

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The Bad Guy

Burgess Owens

Burgess Owens is a former NFL player turned manic culture warrior, throwing tantrums about antifa and “radical left” anthem-kneelers, but don’t worry, he’s also a dutiful Trump drone who hangs out with the absolute lunatics of the QAnon movement. Of course, Burgess believes the middle of a pandemic is a jolly good time to steal health care from thousands of his potential constituents. Ultimately, just another wingnut idiot who says stupid shit on TV.

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The Bad Gal

Karen Handel

Karen Handel is so shitty, she’s managed to be shitty at CHARITY. While serving as a Vice President at Susan G. Komen for the Cure, Karen tried to cut off funding to Planned Parenthood, and when that blew up in her face, she threw a fit and quit. As Georgia Secretary of State, Handel was a ferocious vote suppressor. Anti-health care, anti-minimum wage, anti-immigrant, anti-LGBTQ…Karen Handel fucking sucks, y’all. We beat her in the midterms, but it looks like this one needs one more flush.

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The Bad Guy

Carlos Giménez

Carlos Giménez, as Mayor of Miami-Dade County, followed the disastrous Trump/DeSantis/Grim Reaper coronavirus playbook, perhaps assuming voters would elevate him to higher office if only to get him to stop killing them. Also, since Giménez is so corrupt he has a legit monorail scandal on his record, it shouldn’t surprise you to learn he’s waving fistfuls of CARES Act funding around under a GET YER BRIBES HERE sign. Just another servile Trump sellout lookin’ to crawl into the swamp.

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The Bad Guy

Tony Gonzales

Tony Gonzales just barely squeaked by in a primary as nasty as a truck stop bathroom. From stiffing contractors to illegally having a campaign volunteer pose as a border patrol agent to, ahem, his mom calling the cops on his opponent, Tony is exactly the sort of ethical train wreck you’d expect Conman Don’s GOP to attract, which is why FUCK NO he doesn’t belong in Congress. That he’s running as a crazed Trumpist in this Clinton +4 district shows he’s too fucking dumb for the job, too.

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The Bad Gal

Nicole Malliotakis

If you like flip-flopping hacks with absolutely no core beliefs who’ll say anything to get elected, you’re going to LOVE Nicole Malliotakis. Yes, this is the same Malliotakis that ran for Mayor of NYC, though her current platform is unrecognizable, on issues ranging from Trump to voting by mail. Oh, and allies of her campaign doctored a photograph to make it look like she was donating supplies to coronavirus first responders, when she actually…didn’t do that. And this one of the GOP’s better recruits, YIKES.

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The Bad Guy

Peter Meijer

Peter Meijer is the hand-picked lapdog of the DeVos family, and you hate him already, don’t you? Young Pete worked hard his whole life to JUST KIDDING he was born into truly sickening wealth, and believes his unearned good fortune means he deserves the power to make other folks’ lives shittier. Meijer wants to keep hard-working Americans underpaid, but don’t worry, he also wants to take away their health care. I’d like to think we’ve learned our lesson when it comes to electing pampered rich boy bigots.

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The Bad Guy

Steve Chabot

Steve Chabot is exactly the sort of corrupt, out-of-touch suburban Republican that’s rapidly going extinct, running hard on his failed, dated platform, his anti-choice record, and his anti-health-care-in-general record. Chabot’s hobbies include climate change denial, and calling the cops on his constituents for recording town halls. Steve-O is also a big ol’ impeachment hypocrite, with a giant campaign finance scandal. We actually sent this creep packing once before; let’s make it stick this time.

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The Bad Gal

Ann Wagner

Ann Wagner is most famous for her unrestrained glee at voting to steal health insurance from millions of Americans, which is, y’know…demented. Before coming to Congress, Wagner spent years as a Republican political operative, which explains her partisan disdain for half the people she “represents.” Seriously, she really hates actually dealing with her constituents. In many ways, Ann is the perfect GOP CongressHack: a multimillionaire raking in donations from other multimillionaires to rig the system in favor of multimillionaires.

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The Bad Guy

Mike Garcia

Mike Garcia was an executive at a defense contractor before sneaking into this seat when Katie Hill vacated it, and I think Congress would be better off with one less weapons dealer alumnus, don’t you? An anti-choice fanatic, and a health-care-stealing jerk, Mike likes to scream SOCIALISM over and over so nobody notices how much he sucks. We noticed. Mike isn’t much of a Congressman, but he’ll make an interesting footnote.

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The Bad Guy

Nick Freitas

Nick Freitas is a cookie-cutter Rand Rand Paul/Heritage/FreedomWorks jackass who launched himself to wingnut stardom with a deranged, hateful, pro-gun speech on the floor of the House of Delgates that sounds like a bot after being fed 5,000 hours of Fox commentary. Anyway, young Nick is that magic combination of whinging victimhood, regurgitated talking points, and white boy mediocrity that drives Cult45 wild, but holy fuck he has no business writing anybody’s laws.

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The Bad Guy

David Schweikert

David Schweikert is so fucking corrupt, even members of his own party joined a unanimous House vote to reprimand his crooked ass. When he’s not committing crimes, Schweikert likes trying to steal his constituents’ health care, or get them killed outright, serving as one of the NRA’s nuttiest lapdogs. Still, history teaches us that Dave will pull every dirty trick in the book to keep his grift going, because he’s not one of those fun, noble, anti-hero criminals from the movies, he’s just a sack of shit.

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The Bad Gal

Yvette Herrell

This one’s a rematch; Yvette Herrell won’t take “leave us the fuck alone” for an answer. Before her failed attempt to bring Dotard-style hate politics to New Mexico, Herrell served on the board of everyone’s favorite band of corporation-humping ratfuckers, ALEC, ewwwwww. She won her primary by claiming to be the Trumpiest of Them All, which she proves by attacking the media and lying a lot. Another premature victory speech sure would be hilarious, though.

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The Bad Gal

Beth Van Duyne

Celebrity hate-monger Beth Van Duyne rocketed to wingnut superstardom when, as Mayor of Irving, Texas, she said a bunch of hellaciously racist shit to Glenn Beck following the Ahmed Mohamed clock incident, and she’s been vomiting up insane, hateful lies about “Sharia law” ever since. That’s pretty much the whole argument here, “Look how much I hate Muslims, please send me to Congress to hurt them.” Shitty person, shitty mayor…she’d be a super-shitty Congresswoman.

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The Bad Guy

Matt Rosendale

Matt Rosendale didn’t take the hint when Montana voters rejected his plutocrat ass as a Senate candidate in 2018; I guess he thinks folks secretly really want rich white dudes to take their health care away during a pandemic, so he’s taking his faux everyman schtick out for another spin. Matt’s plan to use this seat to serve his Texas oil billionaire partners’ interests is pretty sinister, but what do you expect from a carpetbagging Trump sycophant?

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