Y’know, the new normal may not provide quite as much blog fodder, but it sure is easier on the ol’ mental health. The news cycle is all Democrats helping people, people lovin’ it, and Republicans freaking the fuck out because folks seem to prefer progressive policy to Blind Obedience to the Screeching Reality TV Man, which was, you’ll recall, their most recent official party platform. So grab a beer, let’s watch the bastards squirm…

More than any other prominent wingnut, Wisconsin’s Ron Johnson has gone Full White Nationalist, unapologetically spreading Tangerine Idi Amin’s fascist Big Lie at every opportunity, and keeping the flame of Trumpist gaslighting ablaze as only the Dumbest Man in the Senate™️ can.

RoJo, bless his drool-sodden heart, doesn’t understand why folks’re mad at him for suggesting the January 6th rioters were cuddly, peaceful patriots who luv n’ respect law enforcement super hard, an affection expressed with bear spray and blunt weaponry, apparently. Not at all like those Black Lives Matter protesters, with their demands for equality and scary non-white skin.

Oddly, law enforcement doesn’t appear to share Ron-Ron’s rosy view of the brownshirt ragewad that injured 140 officers that day, possibly because they’re too busy throwing the perpetrators in jail. From Proud Boys facing conspiracy charges to a literal Hitler lookalike, I don’t think MAGA nation sent their best to the Capitol riot; oh wait, they totally did, didn’t they?

Marjorie Taylor Greene has apparently declined to spend any of the free time that opened up when she was stripped of her committee assignments in the library, otherwise she might not have assailed Guam, a U.S. territory, as a dastardly foreign foe of Real Murica, although upon reflection, she’s hardly the type to let such details diminish her boundless, ravenous hatred.

When Guam’s non-voting congressional representative swung by her office with cookies and members of the Guam National Guard, who risk their lives protecting the nation Marjorie works so diligently to destroy, she fell back on the bleating victimhood which is all she’s ever had to offer, and all the Republican base seems to want from their elected representatives. Perhaps going forward, “troll collective” would be a better descriptor for this gaggle of mewling buttholes than “political party.”

Meanwhile, Mitch McConnell has become quite irate at all this talk of abolishing, or even reforming the filibuster, because he’s not about to let something as silly and inconsequential as “the will of the electorate” interfere with his sacred right to prevent Democrats from cleaning up his murderously incompetent party’s messes. So he threw a tiny terrapin tantrum, threatening to inflict even more suffering on the American people than the last time his party got fired for fucking up more or less everything.

Poor Yertle. He’s never understood the way the nation’s political dynamics shifted during the Turd Reich. He doesn’t get that people take the responsibilities of citizenship more seriously now, that we’re paying attention to his procedural shenanigans, and learning how to fight them. Nor does he grok that there’s no constituency whatsoever for the politics of austerity; just because his own voters can be placated with a steady stream of nasty tweets doesn’t mean they’ll submissively line up behind the Senate millionaire’s club as they cut their own taxes over and over again.

Well, fuck him and his obsolete obstruction playbook. I say flip him over on his back and watch him flail while we undo his contemptible life’s work.

A newly declassified report from the Office of the Director of National Intelligence says Vladimir Putin once again interfered in our election on behalf of a certain semi-sentient mound of lemur poo, and honestly, I get that. If you’d invested four years in training your own personal pet President to crap all over his own country’s strategic interests, you’d want him to stick around a bit longer, too; NATO ain’t gonna destroy itself from within, y’know.

Smilin’ Joe Biden seems disinclined to be so forgiving, however. Frankly, from Vlad’s perspective, he’s more of a Sternly Scowlin’ Joe Biden. A Fuck Around and Find Out Joe Biden. Ol’ Pooty, backed into a corner and short on tools, actually challenged Joe to a debate, and let me just say, if you’re reduced to such sad sack Ben Shapiro-esque tactics, I think you can safely rule out a return to superpower status, kiddo.

Once again, a shitty white dude decided he had the right to senselessly end a bunch of human lives, and, with a helpful assist from Georgia’s NRA-approved gun laws, moved effortlessly from instantaneous, background-check-free firearm purchase to mass murder spree with nary an obstruction, killing eight, including six women of Asian descent, the latest and most tragic in a surging series of hate crimes targeting the AAPI community, fueled by the racist rhetoric of right-wing politicians and media figures.

Texas Congressjag/Ted Cruz protégé Chip Roy figured a hearing on violence against Asian-Americans was the ideal forum to spout “Y’know what we need more of? LYNCHINGS!” and while I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect good judgment from a grown man who refers to himself as “Chip,” I would also like to suggest that no, extrajudicial mob killings are not the appropriate response here. Or ANYWHERE, Chip, you lizard-brained dolt.

Speaking of dipshit Republicans flaunting their ignorance like a chestful of combat medals, Rand Paul picked another fight with Dr. Fauci, citing Paul’s First Law of Highfalutin So-Called “Science,” which states any scientific conclusion, principle, or law can be overruled by an angry white dude with no relevant expertise, provided he bellows loudly enough. Honestly, Rand seems to get off on humiliating himself in public, and I don’t think we should kink shame him.

I see the Deposed, Diminished Dotard phoned in to Fux Nooz to kvetch and moan that the Supreme Court lacked the “courage” to overturn the 2020 election on the say-so of the maggots devouring Sidney Powell’s brain. I dunno about y’all, but I’m really enjoying the hell out of the speed at which he’s shrinking into virtual non-existence.

The American right remains utterly confounded by Wet-Ass Pussy, with Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s performance at the Grammys serving as a grim reminder of the strained dissatisfaction permeating conservative bedrooms from sea to shining sea. Candace Owens went on Tucker Carlson’s White Power Hour to share a meltdown over the scandalous suggestion that women are allowed to enjoy sex and also Dr. Seuss Potato Head Cancel Culture Blah Blah Blah Blah I’d say “wake me up when these clowns are done whining,” but that would require cryogenics.

The Tennessee Historical Commission voted to remove a bust of Nathan Bedford Forrest from the State Capitol, on account of the way he founded the Ku Klux Klan and whatnot, so state Republicans immediately crafted legislation to fire and replace the entire commission, because once you start eliminating the symbols of institutional white supremacy, it’s only a matter of time before the citizenry starts to demand better representatives than the subpar bigots currently squatting in our legislatures.

Rough times all around for monuments to loser fuckwad hate-mongers, as a Texas wax museum was forced to relocate their statue of Lil’ Donnie Two-Scoops to storage, because visitors kept punching it. I know you’d expect this news to delight me, but the truth is, I’m disappointed and saddened, that in these divisive times, Americans would desecrate the image of a man who was, for good or ill, our nation’s 45th President…without having the basic decency to inform me of the opportunity to join the fun. Shame on you.

A dozen Republicans actually had the fucking gall to vote against a resolution honoring the law enforcement officers who risked, and in three cases gave their lives protecting members of Congress from the lynch mob made up of their party’s most fervent supporters. The ringleader of this shitty little cabal, Louie Gohmert, was upset, you see, because the language of the resolution was too mean to the terrorists. True story.

The rest of the Fifth Columnist Caucus, for the curious: Matt Gaetz, Thomas Massie, Andy Biggs, Andy Harris, Lance Gooden, Michael Cloud, Andrew Clyde, Greg Steube, Bob Good, John Rose, and, of course, Marjorie Taylor Guam. I mention their names because these enemies of freedom will be in the majority in a couple of years if you don’t VOTE IN THE GODDAMN MIDTERMS.

An even larger clump of House Republicans opposed the renewal of the Violence Against Women Act, on the grounds that it would infringe upon the god-given right of convicted stalkers to purchase firearms. I figure during freshmen orientation, Kevin McCarthy must pass out some sort of of How to Expunge Your Sense of Shame handbook, co-authored by Newt Gingrich and Denny Hastert…or maybe the RNC just screens candidates for sociopathy in advance?

Seems you can kick the superspreader out of the White House, but can’t make him take the simple, widely-understood steps necessary to contain the coronavirus. What I’m saying is, there’s a fresh new COVID-19 outbreak down at Marm-a-Lago, which has partially shut down as a result. I bet we’ll be a decade into herd immunity, and this cud-brained fuckwit will still somehow manage to cause one last flare-up, in his federal penitentiary cell block.

While Republicans grouse and throw fits and tie themselves in knots seeking to placate the dumb and hateful, Democrats are busy getting shots in arms and money in pockets. The polling is playing out exactly how you’d expect, but if the GOP insists on tripling down on their weak attempts to mimic their Turd Emperor’s manic culture war blubbering, I for one have no intention of interrupting them.

Wow, what a light week! There were several afternoons in 2020 that contained more madness, and I don’t care how much it bores Ted Cruz, I absolutely adore this shit. Now I’m gonna go enjoy a beer or three, not because I need ‘em to cope with the inescapable oppressiveness of life under a would-be autocrat, but just cuz I feel like it. Stay safe out there, Shower Captives…