American Madness Journal

  Y’know, I don’t mind struggling over the soul of the nation, but I confess I’m beginning to resent the quality of the opposition. It feels like I’ve been trapped in a checkout line, between a shrieking toddler and a lady with an inch-thick stack of expired...

  So, my birthday was this week, and I asked the Birthday Fairy for one week without assholes, so I could blog about something pleasant, like cupcakes, or cowboy movies, but the Birthday Fairy told me he wasn't a fucking magician, so I guess we’ll do what we we...

  So, Marjorie Taylor Greene wants a divorce. Wouldn’t it be lovely if it were that simple? To just herd all the weirdos into Florida, and let Bugs saw ‘em right off the continent? Sit on the beach, watch ‘em float away into the Atlantic, that endless,...

  Folks, I gotta level with you, I just don’t have it this week. Writer’s block beat me up, took my lunch money, and left me with an atomic wedgie I struggle even now to unpick. You would not believe the half-finished stinkers staring back at me from my draft,...

  Intellectually, we knew going in that we were dealing with people of low character and no discernible competence, but watching the MAGA GOP actually run the U.S. House of Representatives blows my fucking mind. My expectations were real low, you guys, but they...

  Writing about Republican politics is like babysitting the shittiest kids in the world, and honestly, I feel like these little assholes owe us a good, long nap. Never a moment’s fucking peace. Little shits. Ok, you kicked Ilhan Omar off the Foreign Affairs...

  Before we dive into the latest antics from Kevin’s kooky kakistocrats, let’s take a moment to remember the context: this is an audition, folks. This is the Republican Party putting its best foot forward. These are their church clothes, and this is their best...

  Zounds. Possibly the dumbest week yet, and I don’t say that lightly. From “Idaho Republican sorry for comparing women's health to milking cows” to “I want you to make me a shoe I can fuck,” this week’s news was determined to bludgeon our battered brains into...

  Watching Republicans take control of the House of Representatives has been like looking at TikTok videos where they give sea monkeys knives and meth. Which I hope isn’t a real thing. It’s fuckin’ nutty out there, is what I’m trying to say. Well, it took a...

  We’ve seen some stupid, stupid shit together over the years, you and I, but this week…hoo boy. The Republican Party simply will not stop stabbing itself in the brain. God knows why. Just double fisting icepicks and gouging away. After squandering the most...

  Well, the time has come to reflect upon the passing of another year. Doesn’t that sound fun? To relive every gem of Herschel Walkerian wisdom and Libs of TikTok bomb threat? Tár and Andor were pretty good, but my plan is to bang my head against the wall until I...

  It’s been said there’s a sucker born every minute, though scientists currently estimate that number may be as high as 4.39. The question is, after three years of guzzling horse dewormer, how many are still alive to buy NFTs? Donald Trump is like some Dickensian...

  It is with the heaviest of hearts I come to you from Donald Trump’s surprise second term. I’d hoped we’d avoid this scenario, what with that landslide election he lost, but I foolishly forgot about the self-destruct clause the founders wove into the...

  I hope that like me, you’re still enjoying the hey-that-wasn’t-so-badness of the recent midterms, though of course there’s ample fuckery to discuss tonight. On the Right, it is a time of reflection. Or it would be, if anybody’s brain still worked over there....

  Dunno about you, but I’m still riding high on last week’s wave of catharsis. Making sandwiches from leftover schadenfreude. Knocking ascendant American fascism on its ass gives one a warm, healthy glow, don’t you agree? I’m sure you enjoyed the steady trickle...

  So, how fucking ready were you for this mood shift? I myself feel refreshed and renewed to a degree seldom seen outside shampoo commercials. And friends, I needed that. I needed it so hard. We last convened amidst the cacophonous obscenity of the Republican...

  Hey folks, who wants to chuckle nervously as the clock ticks down to the batshittiest midterm election of our lifetime? Happening Here Bingo was a lot more fun back when everybody didn’t black out their card every single week. The Republican Candidate Refuses...

  Well, the midterms’re just around the corner, and things’ve gone more or less apeshit. Welcome to election season in the madhouse; sure am glad everybody’s so heavily armed. So, turns out, when you spend a couple years driving folks violently insane with...

  Not that anybody asked, but life trapped inside the shitty Ken Kesey fanfic that is American society is, um, not awesome. I’m gonna leave such a Yelp review when we come out the other side of this madness. And we are gonna come out the other side, by the way....

  If you’re just tuning in, and O how I envy your blissful ignorance if you are, a substantial chunk of the American electorate has gone quite insane, and seems determined to stay that way. They simply will not be enticed from the madhouse, though it is filling...

Happy Insurrectiversary, everybody! From the donning of the shamanic headdress to the theatrical reenactments of Roger Stone’s conversation with Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio to the cherubic bleats of the schoolchildren chanting “Hang Mike Pence! Hang Mike Pence!,”...

The madness tends t’be mercifully light at the end of the year, as Republicans nurse wounds sustained during family holiday card photo shoots. I certainly don’t intend to look this particular gift horse in the mouth; let’s make it a quick one tonight, and get back to...

Well, having arrived at the “Jimmy Comer is hiding under the bed from Steve Doocy because he can’t take the heat on Fox n’ Fiendz” stage of the shampeachment charade, House Republicans figured the time was ripe to link arms and follow Kentucky’s kookiest kakistocrat...

I’m willing to admit I may’ve overstated the dangers of a second Trump term. He’ll only be a dictator on “day one?” Shoot, that’s not so bad. We should all get twenty-four hours of tyranny, don’tcha think? On mine, we’re gonna round up everybody who holds up the line...

  Probably the most disappointing thing about the Trump era is the way it proves we’ll never figure out time travel. Think about it, you wouldn’t’ve been able to step outside for a gas station hot dog in 2016 without encountering a dozen wild-eyed dudes in Pod...