American Madness Journal

 The news cycle continues its slowdown, and though these quieter days take some getting used to, the change is mostly welcome. Even so, it turns out that a focused, contained return to the batshittiest Trump-era scandal levels can be tolerable, even pleasant, at least...

 Well, potty-mouthed masked bloggers aren’t quite eligible for vaccination in my neck of the woods yet, so I’m still trapped inside with nothin’ but the news to keep me company. Short version: the racist shitweasels recently removed from power for being racist...

 Y’know, the new normal may not provide quite as much blog fodder, but it sure is easier on the ol’ mental health. The news cycle is all Democrats helping people, people lovin’ it, and Republicans freaking the fuck out because folks seem to prefer progressive policy...

 After a brutal quarantine winter, I’m sure you’ll agree this week’s thaw has been most welcome. Actually, I found something really weird out on the back porch, once all the ice and snow had melted away. I almost didn’t recognize it at first, but I think...

 Look, I certainly appreciate that the poo-flinging howler monkeys are no longer in charge. And I realize that it is not reasonable at this relatively early point in time to expect a political environment in which zero poo is flung at me by zero howler monkeys, but...

 Has anybody hit their quarantiniversary yet? I’m starting to make plans for mine; I ordered a really soft, fancy pillow I’m planning to scream into for a few hours, and then maybe I’ll order some tiramisu to eat out of a styrofoam delivery container that was designed...

 Well, I don’t know about y’all, but I was just thinking that after an entire year of soul-crushing quarantine, what I really needed was a prolonged period of even more intense isolation, ideally brought about by an extreme weather event, because my life wasn’t quite...

 How’s everybody enjoying the new normal? It’s...slightly more relaxing, anyway. Slightly. Like, sure, we’re still clinging to a tiny slab of rock in the middle of a live volcano, but there’s tea now. And little triangle-shaped cucumber sandwiches. Quitcher bitchin’....

 If I can borrow a gag, life in the United States these days is like, having finally been liberated from the face-eating tyranny of the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party, millions of folks started throwing tantrums because their own faces remained uneaten, and...

 I almost hesitate to yank away the warm, fuzzy blanket of Biden-y normalcy, but shit remains deeply cray. In fact, we’re witnessing a disturbing number of (admittedly weak-minded) public officials carefully, deliberately choosing the crayest available options from a...

 While shit remains generally cray, it must be said shit is substantially less cray than at any point in recent memory, and with numerous decrayification initiatives already underway, and new ones launching all the time, we may yet live to see the day when shit is...

 Figured I’d give y’all a little somethin’ to read while you’re waiting for the clerk to restock the champagne shelf. (Yer own fault for waiting until the last minute, there was always gonna be a rush) Anyway, the end of America’s first openly fascist presidency is,...

 It’s fascinating, looking at how folks’ politics evolved and changed over the last four years. Take me, for example: I used to consider myself primarily a gun control voter, but now the only thing I care about is shortening the interminable motherfucking lame duck...

 I confess it’s difficult to write today. I live next door to Vlad Putin, y’see, and he kept me up all night tap-dancing with glee at how easy it was to transform the United States of America from a superpower into a shithole, simply by tossing a few memes at...

 You think I could get away with the “I almost didn’t blog, the news was so slow” gag tonight? Like, I could write this super long paragraph about the Indians/Mets trade, really milk it, but ho hum, “otherwise it was pretty quiet out there” or some shit? Personally, I...

 I spend way too much time these days watching choosy Republicans choose fascism, for reasons that are awful and terrifying, of course, but also SO FUCKING DUMB. Like, I get the authoritarianism thing, but wouldn’t you rather be ground beneath the jackboot of a despot...

 Ah, who doesn’t love the promise of a brand new year, particularly one in which the likelihood of the American President tear-gassing peaceful protesters in front of the White House is set to drop so dramatically? ‘Course, you knew 2020 wasn’t gonna let us go without...

 Only thing I asked Santa for this year was for Xmas to bring me one day closer to Joe n’ Kamala’s inauguration, and I got that, wrapped tastefully, with a bow I can reuse next year and everything, but it must be noted, my stocking was filled with the same smoldering...

 With less than a month to go ‘til Old Handsome Joe’s inauguration, the Stoopid Coo is getting stoopider so quickly, I do believe we’re going to need more Os. The Coo is at least Stooopid at this point, and historians suggest we may yet attain levels approaching...

 This transition shit is killing me, y’all. Longtime readers know I’ve often likened life under the Turd Reich to being trapped in a dryer full of hammers and badgers. Ok, so the dryer has finally stopped now, and I love that, I do, but the badgers are still a...

 Hey, before we get started tonight, a quick pro tip for the savvy news consumer: laminate the daily paper before reading it; that way, when one of the many stories of ascendant American fascism inevitably causes you to projectile vomit, you don’t render unread...

 Lotta fun little stories this week about cocaine hippo personhood and zebra honeypots and such, and I bet having a funny animal news blog would be goddamn delightful. Alas, I’ve made…different choices. Well, let’s wade into this shit, shit ain’t gonna wade into...

 I never thought I’d wax nostalgic over the days when the sole purpose of the Republican Party was to make rich people richer, but now that they’re bringing equal guile and fervor to efforts to feed and grow their shiny new fascist death cult base, I confess I...

 This week has been…an unusually specific We Didn’t Start the Fire verse, and that’s all I’m going to say on the matter. You may want to put on something splatter-proof before proceeding. I mean, what the fuck. A whistleblower granted the world a terrifying peek...

 Kind of a slow news week, meaning American fascism creeped a little more quietly than usual, I suppose. Which is welcome enough, as is the subsiding of the Delta surge, certainly…I guess I just wish we’d managed to build a better world for John Hinckley to come back...