Flip the Dang Senate!
Have we spent the last four years resisting our asses off just to give Mitch freakin’ McConnell veto power over the Biden/Harris progressive agenda? FUCK THAT, says I. Let’s flip ol’ Yertle over on his back and get to work cleaning up his messes. We’ve got such a good team here, I couldn’t stick to just six:
Steve Bullock
Steve Bullock knows how to win in Montana as a Democrat, he’s been doing it since 2008. A popular two-term Governor, he’s certainly our best possible recruit for this race.
Bullock is a Get Shit Done Democrat, my favorite kind. He worked with Montana’s Republican legislature to expand Medicaid under the ACA, and he’s enacted some of the strongest campaign finance regulations you’ll find in America.
Actually, Steve’s been going after Citizens United since his days as Montana’s attorney general, and we could certainly use his passion, experience, and leadership on the national level in that very important fight.
Shit, Bullock is a leader even among leaders, a former chair of the National Governors Association. A public lands champion. A presidential candidate for an eyeblink.
On issues from gun control to health care to the minimum wage, Governor Bullock would obviously be an enormous upgrade over the yahoo they’ve got in there now. Let’s make this happen.
- Visit the official website
- On Twitter as @stevebullockmt
- Visit Facebook page
Montana
Montana
Incumbent
Ratings
Cook: Toss-Up
Inside Elections: Toss-Up
Roll Call: Toss-Up
Sabato: Lean Rep
The Bad Guy
Steve Daines
Part doormat, part paperweight, Steve Daines is a replacement-level Senator, another wealthy white dude without a single original thought in his head, dutifully transcribing Rush Limbaugh monologues into legislation, just like the Koch family pays him to.
He’s not even one of the Senators anybody EXPECTS to stand up to Donald Trump; he’s quietly enabled every crime and atrocity, from extorting our allies to unleashing the U.S. military on peaceful protesters. Like most of his GOP colleagues, he’s abandoned principle after principle in service to his Turd Emperor, and he now stands revealed as the feckless coward he always was.
Of course, Steve is pals with journalist-assaulting thug/gubernatorial candidate Greg Gianforte, so maybe’s he just an all-around shitty judge of character.
In an era that desperately needs leadership, Steve Daines has offered only noodle-spined subservience. If the dude’s gonna be a rubber stamp, just fucking buy a rubber stamp and save the taxpayers the cost of a Senator’s salary. If Montana wants a Grade A all-American LEADER working for their interests in Washington, there’s only one choice in SteveBowl 2020.
Cal Cunningham
Cal Cunningham is a lieutenant colonel in the United States Army Reserve and a former State Senator. He served three active duty tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, prosecuting contractor fuckery and racking up prestigious leadership awards.
Cunningham’s platform is filled with good, solid, Democrat priorities: education, health care, climate change, all kinds of good shit; take a look for yourself. He’s a particularly strong advocate for expanding broadband access to rural areas, and battling corporate corruption. Perfect for swingy, purple North Carolina.
Thom Tillis and the GOP are clearly shitting their pants over Cal, judging by the dirtbag desperation of their dishonest attacks against him. And while Cunningham has held a small but steady lead in recent polling, well, I don’t imagine y’all need that particular lesson twice.
Cal’s just a smart, accomplished dude who’s been filling his resumé with leadership experience since his class president days. This is the gig he’s been preparing for his whole life; and lord knows North Carolina could use an actual leader instead of the autocrat’s doormat squatting in the seat these days.
- Visit the official website
- On Twitter as @CalforNC
- Visit Facebook page
North Carolina
North Carolina
Incumbent
Ratings
Cook: Toss-Up
Inside Elections: Toss-Up
Roll Call: Toss-Up
Sabato: Toss-Up
The Bad Guy
Thom Tillis
The nicest thing I can say about Thom Tillis is at least he understands how fucked he is. This sad “hey, wasn’t life swell back in February” strategy may seem ridiculous, but his best shot at re-election probably is a spontaneous nationwide amnesiac wipeout of all memories of the Massive Fucking Up of Literally Everything by Donald Trump and his Sycophantic GOP Puppets.
Most Republicans have been content to be murderously incompetent during the coronavirus outbreak, but for Thom, it’s been an opportunity to show off his instinctive racism as well. It’s probably their shared bigotry that’s made him such a submissive Trump flunky.
A lifelong opponent of women’s rights, Tillis passed one of those unconstitutional forced-ultrasound bills when he was NC House Speaker, and to this day he doesn’t believe women should be autonomous beings, legally or medically.
Some say Senator Tillis is catching peripheral heat from his pal and fellow NC Republicrook Richard Burr’s insider trading scandal. Sure, whatever. There are tons of reasons not to vote for this jagoff, pick one.
Because Tillis sucked before Trump, y’know? He’s anti-climate science, anti-health care, and anti-LGBTQ, but hey, he’s still one of the NRA’s very favorite Senators. He absolutely sucks. Help fire him; you’ll feel better and save your country.
Sara Gideon
As two-term Speaker of the Maine House of Representatives, Sara Gideon knows how to get shit done. She knows how to lead. She knows how to reach across the aisle and cajole juuuuust enough Republicans into getting out of the road long enough to achieve a little fucking progress. Now doesn’t that sound like something the United States Senate could use more of?
Unlike her opponent, Gideon doesn’t back down in the face of wingnut fuckery; when Governor Paul LePage vetoed an opioid bill, she calmly, methodically assembled the bi-partisan coalition needed to shove said veto up LePage’s Tea Party ass.
Gideon will actually support and protect reproductive rights, and certainly would never vote to confirm any drunken rapey theocrats to the Supreme Court UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE WE COULD MENTION.
Health care, education, climate change, it’s all there in Sara’s platform. She’s done her homework, and she’s ready to give the people of Maine something more than the empty hand-wringing and economic inequality her opponent offers.
- Visit the official website
- On Twitter as @SaraGideon
- Visit Facebook page
Maine
Maine
Incumbent
Ratings
Cook: Toss-Up
Inside Elections: Toss-Up
Roll Call: Toss-Up
Sabato: Toss-Up
The Bad Gal
Susan Collins
Susan Collins is, as you are no doubt well aware, concerned. Theatrically, uselessly, debilitatingly concerned.
Like a Batman villain, it is her sole character trait, which is a crying fucking shame, because this moment in American history called for leaders who could make difficult choices, put country before party, and show loyalty and courage.
The good people of Maine got none of that, they got…concerned.
Though Susan enjoys wearing her Reasonable Moderate mask to social functions and low-stakes votes, the Turd Reich has revealed her as a died-in-the-wool Trumpist hack, distinguishable from Gym Jordan only because she doesn’t get stumbling drunk at the parties.
In a lot of ways, she’s Hairplug Himmler’s most insidious enabler; no Freedom Caucus fanatic, she understands the damage he’s doing…and despite being one of the only people on Earth with the power to actually DO anything about it, all she can muster is her famous fucking CONCERN.
Anyway, if you’re not fully motivated to show Senator Collins the joys of retirement, it’s probably just because you forgot the condescending, disingenuous, self-mythologizing bullshit speech she gave when she put rapey creep Brett Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court for life.
Theresa Greenfield
Theresa Greenfield fights to preserve the social safety net because she knows what it’s like to need it. When her husband died on the job, Greenfield found herself a young widow with a second child on the way; union benefits and Social Security helped her get back on her feet. Now she’s a successful urban planner, real estate developer, and Democratic candidate for the U.S. Senate.
While her opponent serves only wealthy Republicans donors, Theresa Greenfield fights for public education, access to health care, Social Security…all kinds of good shit.
Senator Ernst blindly parroted the party line on COVID-19, emphasizing reopening before it was safe, and opposing mask mandates. In contrast, Greenfield suggests actually listening to scientists, what a bold fucking idea.
Even her dog Ringo is chipping in to turn the Senate blue. Surely you’re not so heartless that you’d disappoint Ringo. Or, y’know, thousands of Iowans crying out for real leadership for a change.
With her deep roots among Iowa’s farmers and unions, Theresa Greenfield can bring that change…if we help her out.
- Visit the official website
- On Twitter as @GreenfieldIowa
- Visit Facebook page
Iowa
Iowa
Incumbent
Ratings
Cook: Toss-Up
Inside Elections: Toss-Up
Roll Call: Toss-Up
Sabato: Toss-Up
The Bad Gal
Joni Ernst
Friend to Steve King.
Joni Ernst is fucking awful all on her own, but on top of her bargain-basement wingnut failures, she’s also one of Donald Trump’s most loyal foot soldiers.
Ernst could have stood up for the rule of law at any point, but she’s failed every single test, up to and including impeachment. In the end, she’s just one more power-crazed Republican hypocrite.
Joni thought Iowa was safely red and only getting redder, but Donnie Dotard’s idiot trade war and disastrous pandemic response (which she thinks has been just great) have her constituents desperately seeking sanity.
John Hickenlooper
John Hickenlooper looks like a character actor from old Howard Hawks westerns, and that’s not even the best reason to vote for him. He was a successful entrepreneur when he started down the path that would take him from activism to politics; before long he found himself elected Mayor of Denver, and he’s been serving Colorado ever since.
Hick was a popular two-term mayor, and then a popular two-term governor, winning his elections comfortably, because he got shit done. He helped bring light rail to Denver. He got Medicaid expanded under the ACA. He listens to the people, even when he doesn’t agree with them, as demonstrated by his evolution on marijuana legalization. That sort of wisdom and humility would be a welcome change, wouldn’t it?
John earned his reputation as an effective moderate, and he’s achieved real, measurable progress, all while eliminating deficits. His leadership following the Aurora shooting led to the passage of significant new gun control legislation in Colorado; bring that NRA-whoopin’ mojo to Washington with you, Hick.
He was a geologist too, if the resumé wasn’t impressive enough for ya, in which case golly, you’re hard to impress. John Hickenlooper is gonna be a really good Senator, you guys. Let’s help him out.
- Visit the official website
- On Twitter as @Hickenlooper
- Visit Facebook page
Colorado
Colorado
Incumbent
Ratings
Cook: Toss-Up
Inside Elections: Tilt Dem
Roll Call: Tilt Dem
Sabato: Lean Dem
The Bad Guy
Cory Gardner
Cory Gardner once famously said, “I cannot and will not support someone who brags about degrading and assaulting women,” and he has spent his life since that point supporting a man who brags about degrading and assaulting women.
Lately, Cory’s been trying to paper over his years of craven Trump stoogery at the last minute by claiming credit for the Great American Outdoors Act, even as he joins in the fascist assault on voting by mail. He tries to hide his subservience from his constituents, but actions speak louder than words.
Gardner has chosen to vote and legislate like a slobbering wingnut in a state that’s turning bluer all the time, and that’s his own fool fault. He voted to privatize Medicare. He co-sponsored a “personhood” bill. His record on LGBTQ rights is fairly medieval. Opposing both the ACA and common sense gun control, he’s just another Republican death cultist; who gives a fuck if he’s moderate on an issue here and there, just elect a damn Democrat.
Cory Gardner has been a dutiful cog in the GOP donor-enriching machine since he finished school, so maybe his shameful lackydom is just a midlife crisis kind of thing, in which case I think we should help the bastard out. Open that dog bakery you’ve always dreamt of, Cory, the Senate just ain’t your calling.
Mark Kelly
Mark Kelly is married to my personal hero, and he’s not so bad himself. Let’s get the ridiculous resumé out of the way up front: 39 combat missions in the First Gulf War, FRICKIN’ ASTRONAUT, bestselling author, co-founder of Americans for Responsible Solutions with his wife, Gabby Giffords. He’s an engineer, too. Fought three bears at once. Well, no, but he probably could, if he wanted to.
Now compare that to Martha “Whatever you say, Mr. Trump, sir” McSally. Now stop laughing. I know it’s hard, but we’ve got a Senate to take back.
An experienced leader, Kelly promises to bring independence and bipartisanship to the post, but he’s also running on a strong Democratic platform, focused on expanding access to health care, fighting climate change, reducing economic inequality and, of course, common sense gun control.
Even after everything Mark and his family have been through, he still fights for civility in an age of divisiveness. Can you imagine the grace of that? Mark Kelly is a much, much better man than I am, and aren’t we supposed to choose the best among us for these jobs?
- Visit the official website
- On Twitter as @CaptMarkKelly
- Visit Facebook page
Arizona
Arizona
Incumbent
Ratings
Cook: Lean Dem
Inside Elections: Tilt Dem
Roll Call: Tilt Dem
Sabato: Lean Dem
The Bad Gal
Martha McSally
Martha McSally ran for Senate in 2018, and she lost, because she sucks. Governor Doug Ducey, demonstrating the wisdom he’d soon bring to his state’s coronavirus response, appointed her to the state’s other Senate seat before the ink dried on her concession speech, and I never wanna hear one more fucking word about “participation trophies” again.
Arizonans don’t seem pleased that the one person they specifically said should not be their Senator is their Senator, and it doesn’t help that McSally is so fantastically shitty at her job. After making the briefest of stands against Trump’s indecency, she quickly decided that no principle was too dear to discard so long as Martha McSally got to be a Senator.
Since Martha’s record amounts to mostly oath-breaking and death, she can’t run on it, so she’s chosen to lean into her boss’ fascistic attacks on the free press instead, and I dunno, I just prefer Senators who believe in American democracy as outlined in the U.S. Constitution, is that weird?
At the start of the pandemic, McSally was one of the loudest disinformation-spewing voices in her party, but when it came time to pay the bill for the GOP’s murderous mismanagement, she offered only obstruction and hateful divisiveness.
And all this is on top of being awful in all the ways the rest of her NRA lackey, healthcare-thieving party is awful. FIRE THIS SHITTY, SHITTY PERSON.
Jon Ossoff
Jon Ossoff is the CEO of Insight TWI, an investigative media company, where he’s produced documentaries exposing the powerful and shitty, up to and including ISIS, so if you want to judge a fella by his enemies, Jon’s pretty impressive.
A former legislative aide to Congressman Hank Johnson, Ossoff’s got legit chops beyond the show biz glitz.
Jon’s 2017 fight in the special election in Georgia’s 6th congressional district was a huge moment for the Resistance, as I’m sure you remember. He didn’t quite get over the finish line in that one, but he showed us we could compete everywhere. Three years later, Lucy McBath serves in GA-06, and we’re flipping similar suburban districts from coast to coast.
Now, Ossoff’s running to get big money out of politics, take action on climate change, expand access to health care, fight political corruption, and protect reproductive rights. Look at what David Perdue stands for. Easy choice, huh?
Oh, and Jon wants to start listening to scientists in order to bring the pandemic under control, in contrast to his opponent’s “please die quietly, you’re disturbing my buddy’s golf game” stance.
Did you know Jon Ossoff interned for John Lewis in high school? So you see, he’s been walking the righteous path for a long time now. Lewis endorsed Jon in this race, and I for one trust the Congressman’s judgment.
- Visit the official website
- On Twitter as @ossoff
- Visit Facebook page
Georgia
Georgia
Incumbent
Ratings
Cook: Toss-Up
Inside Elections: Tilt Rep
Roll Call: Tilt Rep
Sabato: Lean Rep
The Bad Guy
David Perdue
David Perdue was an outsourcing, job-destroying, vulture capitalist before coming to the Senate, and he’s spent his career there looking out for the wealthy (and himself) at the expense of working Georgians, to the great surprise of precisely no one.
If you’re looking for David’s signature legislation, well, he’s not that kind of Senator. He’s more the “publicly pray that Barack Obama dies” type.
When he’s not assaulting college kids for having the audacity to ask him questions, David enjoys pandemic profiteering, like the time he invested in a PPE manufacturer after receiving a classified coronavirus briefing. Did the good Senator share this inside information with his constituents, that they might join in his bounty, or at the very least protect their families from the imminent outbreak? Don’t be silly, serfs aren’t really people!
On top of the aforementioned failings, all of which are disqualifying, Perdue is one of Hairplug Himmler’s very favorite pet Senators. Not merely an enabler, but an accomplice, supporting every racist tweet, harmful policy, and impeachable crime. Gives the boss a run for his money, bigotry-wise, too. Dude’s gotta go.
Georgia Republicans are pissing their pants as their state rapidly shifts purpleward, and we know Governor Brian Kemp will cheat with every corrupt tool at his disposal. We can win this seat, but it will not be easy. Still, keeping shitbag plutocrats like David Perdue away from power is worth fighting for, don’tcha think?