Folks, when you wake up to find former Attorney General Eric Holder felt the need to send out, like, the St. Crispin’s Day Tweet to “the career men & women at DOJ/FBI,” you fucking well know that Shit. Be. Cray.
And it is. Shit is also hitting the fan. Cray shit is hitting the fan and spreading insanity and poo all over your bedroom, BETCHA WISH YOU HAD CENTRAL AIR, RIGHT?
Hey, before we get started, let me shout out to Pacifist Patriot for that Time cover mockup, I’ve been smiling all day about that. And beyond that, a huge thanks to everybody here at DU, I’m having the time of my life and I’m glad some of you are enjoying this shit. There really is a blog coming soon, I hope you’ll join me there…
How crazy is shit these days? Well, they’re exhuming Salvador Dali. They are literally DIGGING UP SALVADOR DALI’S BODY AND HE WILL LEAD AN ARMY OF ZOMBIE SURREALISTS THAT SHALL SWEEP ACROSS THIS EARTH AND DESTROY THE WORLD OF SANITY FOR ALL TIME.
Well, I think I may be windin’ these roundups down, folks…frankly, it seems like the madness is more or less subsiding so, I gu-
…wait, what? Bill Cosby’s gonna go around the country giving seminars on how to avoid sexual harassment charges?
Fucking hell, what a week. Welcome to the dark American joke: What do a serial rapist and cop who murders a black man while he’s complying with said cop’s orders have in common? They’re both walking around today totally free of consequences. And as you scan every other column of the day’s newspaper, are you starting to think maybe we don’t live in the America your middle school Civics textbook promised? Me too, Resisters…me too.
Well, I suppose today’s madness was comparatively light. (Scans news feed.) Wow, my standards sure have changed this year.
We all went to bed worrying about whether the Malignant Mango Madman would fire Robert Mueller. Even Republican leaders are all, “Sweet Christ on Toast, don’t do that, you potato-brained moron!,” and we’re assured that top aides keep telling him what a terrible idea it is, but as smarter folks than I have pointed out, only Donnie Darko himself knows exactly how much garbage Mueller’s eventually going to dig up, so good luck restraining a tantruming billionaire looking to avoid the consequences for a lifetimes’ worth of what we can assume are legit serious crimes. Cornered animals are legendarily docile and friendly, right?
