American Madness Journal

Now that commenting on the Offal in Oval’s glaringly apparent physical and mental decline has been officially declared treasonous, I invite you, dear reader, to enter into a humbly seditious conspiracy with me. Just for the record, the President of the United States...

So, now that we’ve entered the Daily Televised Nap phase of the Thousand Year Reich, I was thinking it’s probably time for that difficult talk about taking the keys to the death cult away from grandpa. No? Well, then, I suppose we may as well launch the Donald J....

Hey, folks! So, I wrote a whole-ass blog this week, and I was in the process of inserting the links when I realized I hadn’t composed a single funny sentence. Couldn’t even find a gag about Clay Higgins voting against the release of the Epstein files, yikes! Happens...

Sometimes I picture the ragged remains of humanity, huddling in caves, hiding from whatever species supplants us as the planet’s dominant life form (we flatter ourselves it’ll be AI, but given the course we’re on, we better hope the pigeons don’t make their move),...

There’s very little in life I enjoy more than a cool, refreshing Blue Wave. The soothing spearmint flavor of flipping governorships, ending red state supermajorities, and winning statewide races for the first time in decades freshens breath and rejuvenates the...

So it seems an indeterminate number of herpes-infected lab monkeys escaped following a car crash in Mississippi, and I couldn’t help fantasizing about how much better off we’d be if one of them were president. Honestly, how far down the current line of succession do...

I feel like “And that’s when the mentally deteriorating game show host unexpectedly demolished an entire wing of the White House to make room for a playpen financed by bribes” will be the moment the American history students of the future start complaining about the...

Salutations, comrades! I assume your Soros-funded monthly subscription box of extra-flammable flags has arrived, so it’s time at last to proceed to the final stage of Operation: Jade Helm…THE FROGGENING! Hating America just feels…I dunno, somehow hate-ier in an...

I write to you tonight from war-torn Chicago, where busloads of Antifas have run amok, smashing our deep-dish pizzas into that flat, flaccid shit they sell in New York. Luckily, heroic agents of ICE have been firing pepperoni balls at the traumatized populace,...

Friends, I confess it’s increasingly challenging to chronicle current events with anything resembling humor. Ummmm…why don’t we try, like, “How many state-sanctioned Proud Boys does it take to zip-tie a bunch of children in the dead of the night?” 300, GIVE OR TAKE,...

Must be exceptionally frustrating for the aspiring autocrat to finally, finally arrive at that Reichstag Fire moment he’s sought for so long only to realize his tiny fingers are too stunted and ineffectual to strike a match. I can only imagine the jeering of the other...

I hope you can forgive me for interrupting your state-mandated grieving period for Saint Charlie the Not at All Racist Outside of the Odd Replacement Theory, but I find myself compelled to take my First Amendment rights out for a leisurely stroll tonight, for reasons...

Well, of the 417 weeks I’ve been operating this blog site, this was surely the healthiest one yet, political culture-wise. Sooooooooo…you’re here for jokes, and I’ll do my best, but it’s definitely a bit of a ”But doctor...I am Pagliacci” mood around here. I’ve been...

PRO TIP for any future civilizations: when a pedophile happens along, what you want to do is promptly administer a cognitive test. If the pedophile describes the test as “difficult,” do not, repeat DO NOT place him in charge of your economy. Cuz it turns out, if you...

Well, I just got off the phone with my cable provider’s customer service department. They agreed that the three-hour cankle-fellating bacchanal was inappropriate for children, but there was nothing they could do because it was a Cabinet meeting. Now that dignity is...

  The nation is still reeling from the largest single-day reduction in international stature in American history, at what historians are already calling The Summit That Could’ve Been a Thirsty Instagram Comment. Of course all decent Americans get mad and appalled and...

Who can say for sure what’s true anymore, but I heard someplace that Stephen Miller eats only mayonnaise. And y’know what? I’m choosing to believe that. I think I’ve been exceptionally well-behaved during this decade-long assault on objective reality, and I’m entitled...

Well, my prayers to the God of Cankles have gone as yet unanswered, so I suppose we may as well chronicle the week’s fuckery. Might try escalating to ritual sacrifice, if I can think of something a cankle god would enjoy. Yeah, another week in our merry little...

Someday, when my grandchildren ask me, “Pop-Pop, what was the one precise moment you were proudest t’be an American?” I’ll get to tell them about the time our felonious rapist president flew himself to Scotland at taxpayer expense to get caught cheating at golf and...

When last we met, President Cankles P. Rapist once again found himself with his back against the wall as Career-Ending Scandal #4,893 closed in. Of course, we’ve seen this show so many times we just assumed the Roberts Court would legalize juvenile sex trafficking via...

Now that commenting on the Offal in Oval’s glaringly apparent physical and mental decline has been officially declared treasonous, I invite you, dear reader, to enter into a humbly seditious conspiracy with me. Just for the record, the President of the United States...

So, now that we’ve entered the Daily Televised Nap phase of the Thousand Year Reich, I was thinking it’s probably time for that difficult talk about taking the keys to the death cult away from grandpa. No? Well, then, I suppose we may as well launch the Donald J....

Hey, folks! So, I wrote a whole-ass blog this week, and I was in the process of inserting the links when I realized I hadn’t composed a single funny sentence. Couldn’t even find a gag about Clay Higgins voting against the release of the Epstein files, yikes! Happens...

Sometimes I picture the ragged remains of humanity, huddling in caves, hiding from whatever species supplants us as the planet’s dominant life form (we flatter ourselves it’ll be AI, but given the course we’re on, we better hope the pigeons don’t make their move),...

There’s very little in life I enjoy more than a cool, refreshing Blue Wave. The soothing spearmint flavor of flipping governorships, ending red state supermajorities, and winning statewide races for the first time in decades freshens breath and rejuvenates the...