American Madness Journal

If I had to choose just one favorite part of life under a strongman, it would definitely be the strength. I can’t wait till they clear all that woke shit out of the Smithsonian so there’s room for this catering cart. It should be an interactive exhibit where you crawl...

  Look, I don’t want to get all swoony, but doesn't Dear Leader excel in SO many fields? Identifying drawings of animals, detecting the secret “b” in the word “dumb,” closing umbre-well nobody’s perfect. He is of course a prolific rapist. But of all the things he does...

“Remember, stupidity always brings losing and death!” Y’know what? Amidst the sacrilegious AI slop and the ceaseless fucking whinging, he haphazardly careens into a nugget of authentic, folksy wisdom once every decade or so, like some damaged clone of Chance the...

My fellow Antifas, I address you tonight with the heaviest of hearts. Like all of you, I was looking forward to blowing up Mount Rushmore, but alas, Special Agent Pinky Herman, who so famously carved the disappearing 350-yard gash in the Reflecting Pool, failed in...

Feels like we hit the Let’s Just Do It And Be Legends stage of imploding American kakistocracy, doesn’t it? Let’s restart the Iran war. Let’s go back to ICE gunning people down in the street. Oh, and weren’t we going to assault the very foundations of the country’s...

While the editorial board here at Shower Cap’s Blog remains generally critical of the president, there’s no denying the honor and privilege of living under the thumb of the fellow who is number one on Tic-Tac. Looking to spice up the Two Minutes Hate’s dreary...

Reports in the Lügenpresse of Dear Leader’s mental decline are false, slanderous, and some third bad thing, especially the dozens of videos of him falling asleep, and we’ll prove it by administering yet another of his increasingly regular dementia screenings. Normally...

Like the rest of you, I’m still recovering from the psychosexual ecstasy of the culmination of the 89th and final phase of Operation Jade Helm, wherein the Chosen One, the product of generations of interbreeding conducted primarily in the back seats of Antifa Ghost...

When last we met, the regime was sulkily stalling the court-ordered removal of a certain game show host’s name from a certain arts center. Which I loved. You dorks wanna draw the humiliation out? That’s super hot, actually. There’s absolutely nothing sexxxier than...

I’d like to congratulate Kharg Island, the new odds-on favorite heading into the final round of Who Wants to be the 51st State, the hit reality show none of us can ever ever EVER FUCKING TURN OFF, where a somnolent megalomaniac races Vladimir Putin and his own rapidly...

Seems like only yesterday he dreamed of joining the titans of history. Alexander. Napoleon. The sort of dudes who make it into Bill & Ted movies, y’know? He was gonna tariff the entire world into submission and conquer Greenland and deport anybody who complained...

Hello, friends. Forgive my longer-than-expected absence. It’s just that, well, I fancy myself something of a humorist, and to wind up so overwhelmingly, effortlessly out-satired by the very target of my ridicule…it’s been humbling. “Dumocrats” GOD, IT WAS RIGHT THERE!...

Dearest Chums/Friends/Busloads of Antifas - NO BLOG AGAIN TONIGHT! My apologies. The good news is GENERAL WASHINGTON AND THE LIBERTY TREE #2 is coming together beautifully! The bad news is I’m woefully behind on about a dozen different fronts, and I need to take some...

“He’s been talking recently about how he is the most powerful person to ever live.” Everybody working in the one-sentence horror story field can go ahead and retire. On balance, I’m cheering for the brain rot to outrace the megalomania, though I suppose if...

It’s hard to believe we were ever frightened of MAGA, watching them lie, broken, incontinent, and whinging, on the battlefield they themselves so enthusiastically selected. Mid-decade redistricting blew up in their dumb, dumb faces, just like the tariffs and the...

I’ve always been skeptical of American remakes of European projects, but I think this Hungarian election thing has potential. Let’s give it a massive budget. Brad Pitt in the Péter Magyar role. Spielberg directs, at least through the trials, at which point we hand the...

When I saw him talking about killing a whole civilization, I just assumed he meant ours. That the Project 2025 termites had finally gnawed through enough support beams to bring the whole motherfucker down around our ears. Then I remembered Donnie Dotard’s late-onset...

“Trump officials cite white supremacists in bid to end birthright citizenship” Gross. And we shrug. “Sounds like something the United States government would do, yeah.” That said, I think the last year or so conclusively disproves the concept of white supremacy and...

Honestly, I haven’t been paying close attention this week. Are we still doing news? I caught a glimpse of Melania with her new robot boyfriend and assumed we were skipping straight to the dystopia. We’re still at war, excuse me, at excursion with Iran, I think? Total...

I regret to inform you the men who wear literal, actual, I-shit-you-not-this-is-happening-in-real-fucking-life clown shoes to work (at, heaven help us, the White House and Pentagon) haven’t quite figured out how war works yet, but I’m sure they’ll pick it up. Give it...

If I had to choose just one favorite part of life under a strongman, it would definitely be the strength. I can’t wait till they clear all that woke shit out of the Smithsonian so there’s room for this catering cart. It should be an interactive exhibit where you crawl...

  Look, I don’t want to get all swoony, but doesn't Dear Leader excel in SO many fields? Identifying drawings of animals, detecting the secret “b” in the word “dumb,” closing umbre-well nobody’s perfect. He is of course a prolific rapist. But of all the things he does...

“Remember, stupidity always brings losing and death!” Y’know what? Amidst the sacrilegious AI slop and the ceaseless fucking whinging, he haphazardly careens into a nugget of authentic, folksy wisdom once every decade or so, like some damaged clone of Chance the...

My fellow Antifas, I address you tonight with the heaviest of hearts. Like all of you, I was looking forward to blowing up Mount Rushmore, but alas, Special Agent Pinky Herman, who so famously carved the disappearing 350-yard gash in the Reflecting Pool, failed in...

Feels like we hit the Let’s Just Do It And Be Legends stage of imploding American kakistocracy, doesn’t it? Let’s restart the Iran war. Let’s go back to ICE gunning people down in the street. Oh, and weren’t we going to assault the very foundations of the country’s...