American Madness Journal

 Ho hum, just another day in the never-ending struggle between the forces of good and evil. Here in the real world we don't have shiny costumes or dragons...actually, it's mostly very old white people in boring suits mumbling and writing letters to one another, but...

 Hey there Shower Captives, I'm a day late this week, for which I apologize. Look, when the news achieves “Alleged Russian spy beluga defects to Norway for nose scratches” levels of madness, sometimes you need to take a step back and drink yourself into a stupor....

 Hey there baby killers! Look, I know you're all busy killing babies (MONDAYS, AMIRITE?), but I wanted to get a news roundup in real quick. Let's wade through muck together, and then we can all get back to our infanticide. Shortly after my last post, the Hairplug That...

 Kind of a light week, news-wise...it was like a meth-addled badger got dropped on our heads just twice a day, instead of hourly, like we're used to, how refreshing. Well, let's power through this shit so we can all enjoy our Great Big Superhero Fight and our Great...

 Feelin’ a little jittery tonight, Shower Captives...I assume the choice to consume a dozen Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs was unwise, but I am powerless before the Monday-after-Easter candy sales. Let's try and get through the news before the sugar crash hits.We'll start...

 Woooo, it's been a fuckin’ ride this week, huh? We've all been waiting for Bill Barr to finish up the whitewashing gig he was hired for, and personally, I was up all night redacting your mom. I almost didn't get a blog up today.Exciting news for Devin “Pigfucker”...

Hey, did everybody have a nice day? The regular shitshow takes on a whole new dimension when you're watching Notre Dame burn in the background. Here in the American Madhouse, it didn't even seem out of place, and when the spire collapsed, you said to yourself, “yeah,...

When you spend as much time as I do documenting this madness, you quickly run out of synonyms for “batshit,” which is why I'm thankful for the opportunity to refer to the news this week as BEES IN YOUR EYES FEASTING ON YOUR TEARS crazy for a change. Anyway, everything...

Good gravy, I don't know how much more of this shit I can take. The news today is like a facehugger from Alien got drunk on moonshine from a still in Pam Geller's back yard before depositing eggs directly into George Orwell's subconscious. Put on a fuckin’ helmet...

I see they're starting to drop teasers for the new Joker movie...given everything we deal with on a day to day basis, I'm not sure a film about a criminally insane agent of chaos will come off as relaxing escapism. Anyway, between the daily news and this Cadbury Creme...

Oh look, ‘tis the first of April, surely the most irritating merriest holiday on the internet! Perhaps I shall spend tonight's blog amusingly contradicting my established beliefs! I could talk of my support for Lindsey Graham's 2020 re-election, for example, wouldn't...

It was only a few short days ago when so many Resisters fell into despair, certain the Barr memo had delivered the Treasonweasel Adminstration such an overwhelming victory, we could ne’er hope to recover. O ye of little faith. If ye trust in nothing else in this...

Hey, you're welcome. After more than two years of rumor and speculation, of COURSE my decision to take three whole days away from the sturm und drang of the incessantly churning news cycle led to the immediate conclusion of the Mueller investigation. Some vacation. I...

Okay, Shower Captives, I'm taking a much needed vacation weekend, but I wanted to get one last post up before I shut my brain off for a few days. So let's plunge back into the Mouth of Madness....though it looks like Madness hasn’t flossed in a while...Devin...

If there's a limit to my personal capacity to process madness, I'm gonna hit it this week, friends. After St. Patrick's Day in Chicago and three hours of the Bermuda Triangle on Acid known as Amazon customer service, I'm feeling about as mentally sound as a Lovecraft...

Goddammit, I hate doing the blog on days like this. Y'know, we took so much for granted for so long, we assumed so much progress was permanent...we took our eyes off the ball, and now we live in this cesspool of ascendant hate, and people are fucking dying. What do...

Y'know, things were actually pretty calm in Washington over the weekend. We might have even enjoyed an uncharacteristically normal news cycle or two, had not the maniacs in the conservative media stepped up to fill the void. There's always one more meth-addled clown...

I think I've figured it out, folks. We're all trapped in the pilot episode for the new Twilight Zone reboot. In like, some kind of alien zoo or too-much-candy-before-bedtime nightmare or something. Any minute now, the credits will roll, and things will go back normal....

Aw, thanks for all the birthday wishes, Shower Captives. I may be getting surly in my old age, or maybe it's just the news, assaulting me like a tennis ball machine lobbing ball-peen hammers directly at my temple. Let's wade through it and find out...The President of...

Yeah, I'm a little late this week. Your Friendly Neighborhood Shower Cap turned 40 a couple days back, so frankly, it's a miracle I sobered up long enough to even find my computer. Oh hell, and it's a long one tonight. Expect typos, is what I'm telling you. Bad news...

You could almost forgive the wingnut disinformation apparatus their lazy-yet-brazen (brazy? blazen?) attempts to photoshop Joe Biden into a senility crisis, considering how difficult it must be to find footage of their own candidate where he isn’t waving at imaginary...

From a certain angle, the Dotard had his best week, legally speaking, in quite some time. No, think about it. Today, he stands before the public facing fewer felony charges than he has in months. Once, that number climbed and climbed, ultimately attaining a truly...

  As expected, the pudding-spined mediocrity that passes for a strongman in America’s cut-rate conservative culture proved far too chickenshit to testify under oath, so the defense of the Republican presidential nominee rested, not with a bang, but with the merest...

My, my, my, the Manhattan Criminal Courthouse has become the place to see and be seen for the proto-fascist sycophant set. It’s like Studio 54, only for excruciatingly dorky, power-hungry nitwits. “Hey, wanna play hooky from Congress to help an adjudicated rapist...

Let’s address the elephant in the room. Obviously, all the RFK Jr. brainworm jokes were long gone hours before my Friday night posting time. I don’t have some awesome, worth-the-wait, totally original, unheard RFK Jr. brainworm joke for you. Apologies. For about ten...