Wednesday, May 10th, 2017
Well, the GOP decided to throw a little theme party this week, and the theme was CRUELTY. Stung by all those You Ain’t Done Shit About Shit 100 days pieces, everybody from the lowliest wannabe Klansman serving on a small town school board to the dead-eyed demons occupying the highest perches of political power decided to show the country just what the Republican Party is all about: the vengeful, destructive hatred of everyone who disagrees with them. There was punch, a piñata that turned out to a DREAMer, and a rousing game of musical chairs where a group of plebes with kids who were born with genetic diseases competed believing the winner would get health insurance, but when there was just one chair left Paul Ryan took it away and everyone laughed and toasted with champagne that costs more than most folks’ rent.
Wednesday, May 10th, 2017
After dallying for a few days in the realm of the merely nutty, the news took a turn for for the poop-flingingly insane today, folks. What the walking hell is going on in this country?
Remember how we all gathered around our phones and tablets Sunday afternoon waiting for the French Presidential election results to roll in? Because this is what we do now, we tune in every few weeks to the hot new game show “Nazi, or Nah?” And thank god (or whatever the God of France is, some sort of large, rude, talking crepe, I imagine) they elected the one who isn’t a Nazi and other countries were learning from our mistakes and we smiled and felt good and then we noticed that we were still only two minutes closer to the midterms.
Wednesday, April 26th, 2017
The Ostomy Bag With a Dead Tabby on Top occupying the Oval Office is pitching fits this week, because he’s creeping up on the very special day when every Televison network/Newspaper/Blog/Child Drawing on the Tablecloth With Crayons will publish identical pieces, all titled “We Knew He Was a Twit, But Seriously If We’d Elected a Half-Empty Can of Mello Yello President It Would’ve Achieved More In Its First 100 Days.” He tried the “Aw, nobody cares about the dumb ol’ first 100 days anyway,” tactic, somehow hoping no one would notice the video footage of the dozens of times he promised to Solve All the Problems and Create All the Jobs and also invent a delicious chocolate cake that burns fat and cures cancer and whispers BOMB SYRIA in the voice of a sultry Russian spy, all in, ahem, his first 100 days.
Wednesday, April 26th, 2017
Oh wow. I don’t usually do these on back-to-back days, but the news kept coming at me today like a tommy gun full of bat guano, so let’s all tear our clothes off and run naked through the poppy field that is the news these days.
Wednesday, April 19th, 2017
Who would’ve imagined that Donald Trump’s election would usher in an entirely new genre in political journalism?
Still, it seems we can’t go 18 hours without a fresh entry in the Anonymously Sourced Inter-staff Hunger Games Pit Fight series between the various groups of advisors struggling for the affections of our Idiot Manchild President. It’s like the Sweet Valley High books, only with atomic stakes.
Wednesday, April 19th, 2017
Maybe the last few days haven’t been as batshit insane as some of the really nutty ones, or maybe as we approach 100 days of being locked in Arkham with these assholes, our standards for what constitutes true madness have shifted. Like if Charles Manson was your roommate, standing on a counter in Starbucks throwing poop at all the baristas wouldn’t seem like that big a deal. On the other hand, having demoting Steve “Darth Wino” Bannon after a series of costly failures, perhaps the the Shart Administration has settled into a new normal of low-grade bumbling malice. So let’s take a bit to laugh at these clowns as they wander around and crash into shit like so many bumper cars. Racist, hateful bumper cars.
