POMPEY THE NOT GREAT

Secretary of State

Mike Pompeo is one of those performatively pious fake Christians who loves using his loudly-claimed-but-seldom-followed faith like a cudgel while ignoring every single word of the actual Bible, including “and” and “the.”

See, the only thing Mike actually wants from religion is the fanatic’s certainty. Mike Pompeo’s God exists mostly so Mike Pompeo never has to be wrong. Mike Pompeo’s God hates all the same people Mike Pompeo does, what’re the odds?

Anyhow, Pompeo was once a shitty, shady, Koch-backed businessman, and eventually Chuck n’ Dauey K. said, “Son, how’d you like to be a shitty, shady, Koch-backed Congressman?”

A racist and a conspiracy nut, Mike’s congressional career was unremarkable, except for that time he was overcome by an apparently irresistible desire to humiliate himself in the middle of Hillary Clinton’s Benghazi testimony. He was just one more howler monkey in the Tea Party’s idiot wingnut chorus. Certainly not the type of fellow anybody thought, “SOMEBODY GIVE THIS MAN TREMENDOUS AUTHORITY AND RESPONSIBILITY IN A FIELD COMPLETELY OUTSIDE HIS EXPERTISE” of.

…and then along game that Nazi game show fella.

Like a lot of the leading figures of the Turd Reich, Mike rose to the highest ranks of American politics not through his qualifications, (I mean, how could he?), but because he was willing to serve evil when better men refused.

See, Pompy Boy figured, here’s an opportunity to wield some serious power, if he’d only be willing to blindly serve, rather than oppose a President who is both mobster and fascist, which is decidedly not what would Jesus would do.

After a brief stint as CIA Director, a post for which he was glaringly unqualified, the decision was made to make him Secretary of State, another post for which he is glaringly unqualified. It would almost be cool, the way the Turdmaggot Administration is letting Mike find himself like this, were he not doing so much fucking damage to our country.

His predecessor had been the worst Secretary of State in American history, but Pompeo is almost savagely devoted to not only filling Rex Tillerson’s shitty shoes, but filling them to bursting with so much shit that they explode, getting turds and little scraps of shoelace all over the walls at Foggy Bottom.

A well-known ass-kisser, Pompeo humiliates the United States on the world stage at every opportunity, bowing and scraping to the journalist-dismembering Saudi regime, and staging failed, idiotic stunts at the United Nations, that is when he’s not participating in the Trump crime syndicate’s international extortion schemes.

Mike’s been letting foreign terrorist plots slip past him because he’s too busy using his office to court donors and give his wife the life he could never afford as a failed businessman (on the taxpayer dime, naturally), and of course getting rid of all those pesky inspectors general who come snooping around when you insist on committing crimes in the bright light of day.

Our boy Pomps is a climber, alright. You know he has visions of inheriting Cult45 from its Loser Thug God; you can tell from the way he’s always studying Junior and Pence, looking for the best place to slide in a knife.

In short, our Secretary of State has just about every shitty quality a human being can possess. He’s hateful, stupid, obsequious, dishonest, incompetent, treacherous, vindictive, self-righteous, and power-hungry to boot.

Of all the feces-eating remoras who’ve attached themselves to Donald Trump’s ass, it’s Pompeo who has gorged himself the largest off those fascist turds, and we’ll have to keep our eye on him for the rest of our damn lives.