Hey there, Shower Captives! Hope you all enjoyed your weekend of pretending George H.W. Bush was some sort of historically great man just because he didn’t tear-gas little kids while ogling his own daughter. Let’s round up the insanity, shall we?

Well, President Truck Stop Gas Station Urinal Cake got home from the G20 summit, where he was shunned and mocked. Because he’s a wheezy, low-stamina, old man, he couldn’t even handle the ceremonial duties of his office, desperately whining for deliverance from the back-breaking stress of…a momentary photo op with Argentine President Mauricio Macri. In the future, I think we should elect people who can do a full day’s work without getting all colicky and bitchy.

Hell, Lil’ Donnie Dotard was so tuckered out, he could barely roll out of bed this morning for a little witness tampering on the ol’ tweety machine. Look, justice ain’t gonna obstruct itself, people.

Something happened at the G20 with China and the Big Dumb Trade War, though. Or maybe it didn’t. Nobody seems to know what it is. Or isn’t. Hey, with all the inhuman malice that typically issues forth from this administration, I’m more than happy to field some mere incompetence for a change.

There’s a fun little article in the Failing New York Times about how the Republican Party doesn’t seem to be interested in examining why they got their collaborating asses kicked so hard on November 6th, or in how to prevent similar ass-kickings in the future. I’m like, “FINALLY, a Republican position I can get behind!”

So, everybody found out that Labor Secretary Alex Acosta is a professional pedophile-enabler, aaaaaaaaaaaaaand it doesn’t look like he will face any consequences at all. I feel like “Oh, you helped a wealthy child molester avoid punishment? You are super duper fired, bro!” would be standard operating procedure everyplace from Burger King to Goldman Sachs, but I suppose standards are a bit more lax in the Shart House.

Hell, Ryan Zinke and Steve Mnuchin probably swung by his office with a bottle of the finest scotch taxpayer money can buy for a little Welcome to Cabinet Dirtbag Club toast! “Shit, Alex, we had no idea! We thought you were square!”

While we’re talking about mega-rich sex-trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, he’s still got all kindsa of friends in high places, including, it would seem, Shart Garfunkel’s favorite television surrogate, Alan Dershowitz, who is still giving legal advice to his pedo-pal. Y’know, I’m starting to understand why Dersho doesn’t get invited over for nachos and foosball in Martha’s Vineyard anymore.

The greatest thing about de-platformed alt-right scuzzbuckets is that we only hear about them now when bad/embarrassing things happen to them, like Alex Jones reduced to shouting at poop on the sidewalk, or Laura Loomer handcuffing herself to a door and threatening to piss her pants. Anyway, today we learned that Milo Yadontmatternomo finds himself a couple of million dollars in debt, and if that makes you laugh nonstop for the next hour or so, don’t worry, the blog will still be here when you catch your breath.

Speaking of schadenfreude, looks like Rotten-Toothed Cousin-Fucker Rudy Giuliani tried to throw himself a big party, but no one would come because he’s loathed by all decent Americans for his work on behalf of a certain Fascist Farthuffer. Good.

If Rudy’s lookin’ for a party, maybe he can swing by the one I’m throwing in celebration of the beginning of the DISCOVERY PHASE IN THE EMOLUMENTS CLAUSE LAWSUIT, MUTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAS! If you flash a subpoena for Trump Organization records, you get a string of plastic beads and red solo cup for the keg.

Hmmmm…the news is actually kinda light today…I guess we can talk about Kid Rock getting fired from a parade for being an ass. So yeah…Kid Rock got fired from a parade, for being an ass. He was replaced by James Shaw, Jr., who is famous for being a hero instead of for being an ass. Sigh. We really were cheated out of those Stabenow/Rock debates.

Proving that we’re not the only nation up to our nipples in batguano cray-cray news, the President of Nigeria apparently needed to publicly deny a rumor that he is not himself but rather a clone of himself because he actually died. I feel you, Nigeria. Sometimes I wonder if our President isn’t a six foot pile of monkey crap with dead Muppet on top.

Anyway, Jerome Corsi, through his “lawyer,” Larry Klayman, has filed a formal complaint against the Mueller investigation so I bet Bashful Bob and everybody working with him goes to jail now, SORRY LIBTARDS, YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG ADDLE-BRAINED ASSHAT!

And…hmmm. What else?

Yeah, it’s actually been a relatively quiet cycle, at least by the dumpster-fire-behind-a-meth-lab standards of 2018.

…except for that thing where the GOP in Wisconsin is trying to curb stomp democracy to death, skullfuck the corpse, and then shit on its grave.

You can almost understand why Wisco Republicans are so upset…they’ve invested a tremendous amount of time and energy into stripping their voters of the power to have any say in their government. But it turned out the people hate Scott Walker and his cronies SO FUCKING MUCH that they overcame all the voter suppression, turning out in such massive numbers that Democrats won every single statewide office. (The cartoonishly-gerrymandered state congressional districts succeeding in thwarting the will of all those pesky citizens when it came to the legislature, though.)

So, they’re using a lame duck session to pass a package of Nah You Get Republican Governance Anyway, Bitches bills. While they can’t quite make voting illegal, they sure do want to reduce folks’ opportunities to do it. Not a big deal, I suppose, it’s not like we’re talking about a pivotal 2020 swing state that might just determine whether a cabal of cheap crooks will run amok in the federal executive branch for four more years.

…wait.

And of course, they’re looking to strip the offices they just lost of all their power. They literally want to be able to hire their own utterly unaccountable private lawyers to do the work of the Wisconsin Attorney General. They want to reduce incoming governor Tony Evers to a figurehead who cuts ribbons at mall openings plus he has to mow the lawn at the State Capitol building. They basically want to force a Republican government on a state that chose a Democratic one. Which is, yeah, antithetical to basically everything our country stands for.  So fuck them.  

A similar scam is underway in Michigan. Oh, and don’t forget about North Carolina, where the GOP is all, “Pay no attention to the already-large-and-steadily-increasing mound of evidence that Mark Harris’ campaign engaged in a whole buncha criminal fuckery! Kindly certify the election before people start going to prison for election fraud!” And gosh, isn’t it weird that we haven’t heard any condemnations from KKKris KKKobach and the rest of the vote fraud squad?

The point, my friends, is that though we all enjoyed a little well-earned rest after building that 60-million-votes-n’-counting Big Fat Fuckin’ Blue Wave, vacation’s over. You can help the fight against the anti-democratic lame-duck Wisconsin power grab here. The fight ain’t over. It’ll never be over. Get back to work.

And don’t forget to spread the word about the Obamacare open enrollment period! It ends December 15th, and we’ve got some catching up to do!

Okay folks, I’m signing off before I read about anything truly ridiculous, like maybe Paul Manafort trying to get Ecuador to swap Julian Assange for some shiny bead or something equally OH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!