I feel like “And that’s when the mentally deteriorating game show host unexpectedly demolished an entire wing of the White House to make room for a playpen financed by bribes” will be the moment the American history students of the future start complaining about the credibility of the narrative.

Of course this assumes the United States still exists and that anyone who lives there can read, neither of which I would count on the way things’re going.

Y’know who would never defile a beloved national monument? The thinly veiled Captain America analogue I created for my new comic book, which you can back on Kickstarter right now!

…more on that in a minute.

Anyway, at least I got through that whole protest march without a rapist pooping on me or artillery shrapnel from a couchhumping wannabe autocrat’s sad, flaccid show of force falling on my head.

Poor MAGA. They wanted violence at the No Kings rallies so badly, or, at the very least, low enough turnout to indicate all the fashy shenanigans had induced the desired state of intimidation and despair, but instead, seven million of us marched peacefully, two million more than last time.

I suppose the next best thing to that longed-for excuse to unleash state violence on your political enemies is to post a shoddy AI video of yourself dumping poo on them from a badass fighter jet, or at least I can see how it might seem that way from a suitably advanced state of dementia.

Or perhaps the quarter of a billion dollars he’s trying to loot from the Treasury will fill that howling chasm where person’s soul would be. Don’t worry, though; he’s gonna give it to charity. Cuz he’s such a charitable fellow, you see.

Sorry, Mr. President, I need that money to pay for Argentine beef and also for medicine to treat the foot-and-mouth disease I caught from the Argentine beef.

I understand American beef ranchers have been insufficiently appreciative of the administration’s extensive efforts on behalf of their (checks notes) competitors, to which I say: the poop jet is already refueled and ready to go.

…though it might be on that aircraft carrier headed to Venezuela, now that I think of it. Yeah, your kids have to make do with two dolls this Xmas, but nobody’s skimping on the Dotard’s war toys, that’s for sure.

A couple of “narcoterrorists” actually survived one of his boat strikes, only to be swiftly sent back to their home country, which is standard operating procedure when you have enough evidence of criminal wrongdoing to blow up a boat with human beings aboard.

Since all this lawless bloodshed is allegedly in the name of combating drug trafficking, we should probably note that Marco Rubio betrayed a number of MS-13 informants who had been cooperating to help his buddy Bukele cover up his own ties to the notorious, um, gosh this is awkward…drug cartel. And yeah, that sounds bad, but see, we needed a gulag to illegally deport hairdressers to, so obviously that’s worth no one ever trusting U.S. law enforcement again.

The Most Transparentest Administration Ever™️ proudly introduces…MyPentagon!

Yes, having evicted every news outlet to the left of Newsmax (NEWSMAX!), Secretary Funsoxx announced he will be funneling disinformation through the skeeviest freaks n’ geeks of the entire wingnut jagoffosphere, including outlets owned and operated by a paid Russian stooge, a Shakespeare in the Park-disrupting Pizzagate aficionado, the guy who owes a billion and change to the Sandy Hook families he defamed, and yes, Mike Lindell.

Hey, if you look to a demented bedding merchant for national security news, you probably don’t care how many $70 million jets fall into the ocean anyway.

Fox’s unexpected burst of journalistic integrity doesn’t extend to disciplining Laura Ingraham for going into business with Rapist Jr., of course. This is a different Rapist Jr. endeavor than the one that just landed that massive Pentagon contract, though. Thank heaven they drained that swamp, right?

Sure, Changpeng Zhao laundered money for ISIS and Al-Qaeda, but he also brought a couple billion dollars worth of cryptocurrency to Discount Donnie’s Pardon Pavilion, so I imagine you can guess what happened next.

The heist movies of the next decade or so are gonna be so boring, you guys.

WE’RE GONNA ROB FORT KNOX!

Holy shit, WHAT? Can’t be done! How?

WE OFFER THE PRESIDENT 10% OF THE TAKE and then he hands them the key and the credits roll.

I’m embarrassed I ever got upset about my health insurance bill doubling. In my defense, I didn’t understand that the government needed that money to buy Kristi Noem two private jets. I wouldn’t wish the monotony of flying from torture prison photo shoot to torture prison photo shoot on the same boring ol’ private jet day in and day out on anybody, unless they were, I dunno, deploying an army of masked thugs to tear gas civilians in the city where I fucking live or somethin’

Incidentally, I got some comments last week about how I’m not supposed to “fat-shame” the brownshirt goons who’re terrorizing families blocks from my front door, from some folks with absolutely stellar priorities.

This is particularly challenging in light of the news that ICE recruits are, in fact, frequently as physically deficient as they are ethically so, but I wouldn’t want to upset the language police, aka the most useful, productive members of our coalition, who certainly haven’t pushed anyone out of our tent into MAGA’s waiting arms. Thanks for all you do, guys!

Project 2025 clearly states the talking teevee box is only allowed to show stuff Fashy Daddy likes, like teenage beauty pageants and ads for autographed Bibles, so when he saw that clip of “Bedtime for Bonzo” star Ron Reagan talking about how ass-backward fucking dumb tariffs are, naturally Canada had to pay.

Joining Zombie Reagan in the Resistance is Kenny Loggins, who will command Antifa’s 26th inflatable frog brigade. The rule of threes dictates one additional prominent 1980s figure signing up, so I’m hoping for Max Headroom or Spuds MacKenzie, though I’m willing to settle for the Noid.

Speaker Moses invited Chip Roy to spice up the House GOP’s daily shutdown propaganda dump with a little Christian nationalism, presumably because the Establishment Clause was feeling neglected amidst the wider assaults on the rest of the First Amendment.

The ACLU filed a lawsuit on behalf of an American citizen who was detained by agents of the Reich for exercising his constitutional right to mock jackbooted dorks with iconic John Williams tracks, and actually, maybe our best shot at defeating this shit lies in litigating away that massive ICE budget appropriated in the Big, Bloated aBomination one civil rights case at a time.

I guess Paul Ingrassia wasn’t lying when he boasted of his “Nazi streak” in the latest leaked racist group chat (not to be confused with last week’s leaked racist group chat), because who but a Nazi could be pathetic enough to dispatch his fucking MOM to Capitol Hill to save the political career he doomed with extensively documented bigotry?

This week in ick: as a lil’ thank-you for illegally dismantling so much of the government, seems a certain serial sex offender tried to get his pal Russ Vought laid. He knew just what number to call, too, but then he remembered the guy hanged himself in that jail cell.

James Comey and Letitia James both seek dismissal of the regime’s vindictive charges on the grounds that overmatched strip mall insurance attorney Lindsey Halligan was appointed not just foolishly, but illegally. And while they certainly have a strong case there, I confess I hate being cheated of the opportunity to watch this clown attempt prosecution.

Can you imagine? If she thinks she can retroactively take a conversation with a journalist off the record, what else doesn’t she know about? Cross-examination? I think Comey in particular should take one for the team, y’know? After plunging the nation into authoritarianism, the guy owes us some laffs.

Everybody’s mad at pardoned Capitol rioter Christopher Moynihan for threatening to murder House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries, but given the company he’s in, I think he’s to be commended for not getting arrested with a phone full of kiddie porn.

ANYWAY

Yeah, watching the desecration of the people’s house reminded me of all the warm, sticky feelings I have for this country, not that I need reminding, as I’ve been pouring them into this comic book, which is FINALLY ready after three years of toil.

I loved seeing all the flags and such at the No Kings protests. It is loooooong past time we clawed the symbols of patriotism back from these creeps, and I hope that my humble comic can be some small part of that. It is very much about the struggle over these very symbols. I truly believe you’ll dig it.

So check out our Kickstarter! Jason Muhr’s artwork is insanely good, and you saw our Kickstarter-exclusive alternate cover, by the great Kelly Williams, above! We have some Early Bird discounts that’re good for a few more days only, so pledge now! (The tip jar still accepts Cash App, PayPal, and Venmo, of course.)

Ok, that’s what I’ve got this week, friends. Stay safe out there…and BUY MY (comic) BOOK!