Salutations, comrades! I assume your Soros-funded monthly subscription box of extra-flammable flags has arrived, so it’s time at last to proceed to the final stage of Operation: Jade Helm…THE FROGGENING!

Hating America just feels…I dunno, somehow hate-ier in an inflatable animal costume, don’tcha think?

Yes, Donald Trump is trembling in his well-licked, cankle-distended boots tonight, especially since Stephen Miller assured him this whole “right to assemble peacefully” thing would be dealt with by now.

I’m told kinks in the tear gas supply chain are to blame there. And sure, you’re probably more focused on the astronomical increase in beef prices, but take it from a Chicago resident: your typical two-stormtrooper ICE household (well, “barracks,” I suppose) goes through a LOT of tear gas.

Gotta make sure that police state grows up big and strong. And don’t get me wrong, illegally detaining and abusing 170 U.S. citizens is a solid start, but with so many millions rallying around the No Kings banner, your Actually, We Should Have an Unusually Dumb King, One Who Thinks a Cognitive Test is Hard movement might need some help.

I know everyone’s a critic, but I confess I found DeSantistan’s performance as “War-Torn Chicago, IL” in DHS’ mendacious propaganda film hammy and unconvincing. The palm trees were a particularly lazy giveaway, as were the rampaging Antifa hordes eating hot dogs with ketchup.

That said, when a photograph of our chonky Texan invaders went viral, Secretary Hegseth put his foot down, clad in extra-fun socks for emphasis: this fascist assault on the public shall tolerate NO FATTIES. This strikes me as counterintuitive; you’d figure you’d want as much weight as possible behind the boot on the filthy dissenter’s neck, right?

Standards in the Young Republicans are, it seems, somewhat more, ahem, lax.

According to vindictively leaked group chats, it turns out the next generation of MAGA leadership is mainly into rape, Hitler, and cake, surprising lots and lots of you, I’m sure.

So if anybody’s in the market for an incel to, I dunno, guzzle the grease can under your kitchen sink, quite a few are suddenly available.

I’d act fast, though, before they all wind up on JD Vance’s staff. Sure, ideally you’d want your Vice President to condemn such repulsive bigotry, but you know, boys will be boys and men in their thirties will be boys and without racist man-children JD’s political future probably peaks at podcasting, soooooo…

Having observed Donnie Two-Dolls’ unrestrained glee at terrorizing Caribbean fishermen, I can’t say it’s surprising that he’s escalating his Peace Prize-worthy conflict with Venezuela, authorizing the CIA to conduct clandestine operations while threatening land strikes, and ousting any admirals who question the legality. The bloodthirst seems to be rising in direct correlation to the cognitive decline, so that’s another fun collision course we’re on.

If and when we manage to wrestle our country back from these maniacs, we should build new safeguards accordingly. Think of all the trouble we could’ve avoided with a law that said something like, say, “In order to deploy military assets, a president must first demonstrate rudimentary mental competence by performing a simple, everyday task.”

…like closing an umbrella, for example.

Anyway, not only did Off-Brand Orbán lose the Nobel to some broad who hasn’t starved thousands of children to death, but Time magazine failed at the insurmountable challenge of publishing a photograph where he doesn’t look like a rapidly decomposing lump of abandoned coleslaw. So he’s basically never not whining now, which is fun.

The Most Transparentest Administration Ever™️ revoked damn near the entire Pentagon Press Corps’ access badges when even Fox, shit, when even NEWSMAX refused to go along with their First Amendment-shredding stenography oath. Tune in to OAN for the official party line, if you’re curious; anything else you should be able to pull directly off the Secretary’s Snapchat.

In an era when masked thugs with badges threaten to shoot ambulance drivers, it seems almost quaint to complain about Hatch Act violations, but I think I should be able to deduct my share of the production budget for Kristi Noem’s latest vanity project from my taxes, especially since so many lamestream liberal airports refuse to even show it.

Fans of the weaponized DoJ (and congrats to John Bolton on his shiny new indictment) are already buzzing about the hot new spinoff: Weaponized IRS! Featuring a whole new crew of authoritarian lackeys hellbent on persecuting this one rapist’s enemies with all the power the state can muster. And hey, if it doesn’t take off, maybe they can add Worf in season 4.

Now that RFK Jr. has overseen another round of gutting at the CDC on top of an ever-widening measles outbreak, he’s been able to make time for his true passion: ranting about teenage boys’ sperm count. “Our parents aren’t having children,” he further babbled, in what was unfortunately not an SNL sketch but real life.

Good news for everyone who got upset about that $20 billion bailout for Argentina: the Reich now intends to make it TWICE AS BIG! No doubt Javier Milei will send personalized thank-you notes to every American whose stolen health insurance paid for his economic blunders, just as soon as he’s done throwing rock concerts starring himself.

Messaging Maestro Moses Johnson doesn’t want to talk about the domestic abusers he needs to maintain his fragile majority, he wants to talk about serious shit, like how “No Kings” is Pig Latin for “Hamas rules,” plus all the super legitimate reasons to deny the Americans residing in Arizona’s 7th congressional district their constitutional right to representation in Washington, which have nothing whatsoever to do with keeping the Epstein files buried, though he admits that’s a pleasant side effect anyway here’s another week’s vacation, yay!

I bet Little Marco feels like a big, big man, ordering the State Department to revoke visas, six so far, for thoughtcrime against MAGA’s martyred spokesbigot. It’s just a shame this new policy will deal such a crippling blow to the nation’s ability to conduct diplomacy, since a certain prominent politician chose the latest Reichstag Charlie deification ritual to brag, in front of the guy’s wife, about how much better at dodging he is.

Apparently, Ghislaine Maxwell gets special treatment in that cushy, minimum-security correctional facility she’s not legally entitled to be in, including prison-wide lockdowns to ensure privacy when she receives visitors who probably just want to say hi to their favorite child sex trafficker and definitely not to offer a presidential pardon on behalf of an old client.

Shoot, maybe our old friend George Santos can pay her a little visit now that his sentence has been commuted. The rule of law is kinda like my metabolism in my 20s, in that I didn’t appreciate it nearly enough at the time.

Incendiary leftist political rhetoric remains out of control. Why, one prominent voice went so far as to liken congressional Republicans to Putin’s docile, domesticated Duma, which is wildly inappropriate, given the clim—oh wait hang on that was Steve Bannon, and he was bragging. Nevertheless.

Yeah, well, didja see where that one lady called her opponents “terrorists, illegal aliens, and violent criminals”? Okay, that one was from a Republican, too, but you have to give Karoline Leavitt props for her megarad Your Mom jokes.

Eric Trump thinks his rapist dad deserves more credit for saving Christianity. From the teachings of Christ, presumably.

Nobody tell Kid Kompromat, but it looks like Russia’s got a new useful idiot. Yeah, I guess Anna Paulina Luna finally saved up enough borscht box tops to send away for the Kremlin’s official files on the JFK assassination. Oliver Stone hardest hit.

Okay, folks, the Kickstarter for my next comic book goes live THIS COMING TUESDAY, October 21st!

GENERAL WASHINGTON AND THE LIBERTY TREE #1 is a superhero political thriller for the world outside our window. How do you fight for truth, justice, and the American way when we’re tearing ourselves apart over what those things mean?

Who owns America and her symbols? Who’s allowed to wear them, wave them, kill in their name?

It’s been a long, long (looooooooong) journey to bring this story to life, and I do think y’all will dig it. Also, for the FIRST WEEK only, our Early Bird tiers offer both a discount AND a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be immortalized on the thank-you page of our initial print run!

So while I certainly won’t say no to any beer fund donations (accepting Venmo, Cash App, and PayPal!), I have a truly unhealthy amount of self-esteem tied up in this comic book, so if you have to choose, choose the Kickstarter. As always, sign up on the email list at showercapblog.com, follow @john_luzar, and stay safe out there!

See you at the rally tomorrow!