Aw, man, I thought he was gonna step on a few more rakes for us, just for old times’ sake, but perhaps there’s a limit to Ron DeSantis’ capacity for public humiliation after all.

Either way, bowing to reality and his sphincter-mouthed orange God, young Ronward bent the knee, on a special cushion he had custom-made to make himself appear taller. Somebody should probably check on Rich Lowry.

I have mixed feelings. I’m certainly grateful for the failure of the ideology. I’m glad there’s no viable electoral base for Kinda Efficient State-Enforced Bigotry. I’m glad we don’t have to worry about Joseph Ladapo becoming Surgeon General of anything larger.

But as a content provider for the blog site I own and operate, I fear Ron will prove irreplaceable. His contributions to the field of left-of-center schadenfreude compare favorably to the all-time greats. And don’t get me wrong, I’m sure he’ll be debasing himself further as a general election surrogate, but he’s been on a hall-of-fame run, the one he’s gonna be remembered for.

Anyway.

Say, what’s that rapist been up to lately, other than running away with the Republican presidential primary? What’s that you say? Pitching fits at his latest defamation trial? But that’s what he did last week.

Anyway, now that it’s cost him 83.3 million dollars, Donald Trump may be forced to abandon a beloved hobby: terrorizing women he has assaulted sexually.

Boy, Nikki’s about to go on a ride, huh? I’m sure it’s already started.

Cuz the rapist is ready to skip straight to the coronation, and we all know how he feels about democracy. No shortage of willing accomplices in the institutional GOP, if RNC draft resolutions are any indicator.

Florida Republicans actually proposed legislation (LEGISLATION!) that would appropriate taxpayer money to pay this fucking rapist’s fucking legal bills. (Sorry, Christian Ziegler, this only applies to one, specific rapist. Bad luck.)

I’m just saying, Nikki, for your safety’s sake, these folks don’t seem t’be in the mood to hear about their golden rapist calf’s cognitive decline.

It’s more of a stamping-out-dissent vibe, if we’re honest. Threatening donors, lashing out at every criticism, however slight. Fascist imp Marjorie Taylor Greene yelping about “eradicating” the insufficiently loyal. Yeah, it’s that kind of party.

Still, nothing curdles my guts quite like the performative obsequiousness of Elise Stefanik’s audition for the Veep slot. Elise won’t think twice about delaying any dumb ol’ certifications, that’s for sure.

Given the general political climate, I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised that we’re getting the Bruckheimer/Bay version of the border scare, with the cosplay cowboys running Texas breaking out the Bundy Ranch playbook, and the odd wannabe insurrectionist putting forth the call for an armed citizen militia, to be financed, surely, by the guy who draws Dilbert.

Anyway, the rapist wants the border as a campaign issue, so given devout Christian Mike Johnson’s standing “whatever the rapist wants, the rapist gets” policy, I guess Congress won’t be passing any border compromises any time soon.

Meanwhile, Joe Biden keeps presiding over all these gaudy economic milestones, but he’s still somehow running neck-and-neck with the adjudicated rapist with the Hooverian jobs record. America, get your shit together.

Well, now that they’ve passed their latest short-term CR and elected their latest short-term Speaker, I guess House Republicans’re starting notice James Comer isn’t running an impeachment inquiry so much as a “parade of embarrassments.” Yeah, Jimmy’s a real fuck-up, isn’t he? Lord knows why y’all put him in charge of anything.

Oklahoma Republicans had some state library board post to fill, and I guess the resumé with “internet bigot-slash-harassment organizer” leapt out at them, because they hired Chaya freakin’ Raichik.

Which is horrifying. Raichik is maybe the ugliest creature to spawn from MAGA culture in recent years, an insatiable, indefatigable hatemonger. Truly one of the shittiest Americans ever. And they put her on the “Department of Education Library Media Advisory Committee.” She doesn’t even live in Oklahoma. Fucking madness.

Looks like Charlie Kirk’s anti-MLK Jr. rant wasn’t just a one-off holiday special, but a mission statement for a new, even racister Turning Point USA. Good thing we’re not a racist country, Governor Haley, otherwise you might see political influencers telling their massive audiences their lives are in danger if their pilot is Black.

One of Chuck’s underlings went on white nationalist holocaust denier Stew Peters’ show, by the way, to urge violent resistance to the “Jewish-controlled” government. TPUSA feels like a frat for too-soft-for-the-Proud-Boys-but-unwilling-to-get-over-losing-the-class-presidency-to-a-girl types, but I suppose even a kakistocracy needs middle managers.

Seems the Republican-led House Ethics Committee has been looking into Matt Gaetz’s old sex-trafficking-a-minor allegations, so Matt may not be available for any library boards, alas.

I worry Peter Navarro won’t do well in prison, though he might squeak by with the ol’ find-the-toughest-gang-in-the-joint-and-offer-to-help-them-cheat-on-their-taxes ploy, I’ve seen that work in a couple movies. Actually, I bet a four-month vacation from the hecklers sounds pretty good to Pete right about now.

Wisconsin State Representative Joel Kitchens proclaimed himself Archbishop of Reproductive Science by divine right of his years as, I kid you not, a fucking veterinarian. WOW. That’s Akin-level shit, Joel, I’m sincerely impressed.

So, Ben Shapiro is rapping now. And you laugh, but “DAP” (Dry-Ass Pussy) is gonna rule summer 2024.

And with that final horror, I’ll sign off for the week. I go now to drink, excessively, to the majestic wreck of the DeSantis campaign, a congregation of assholes who could not do one fucking thing right.

(Oh, let me beg for money and attention real quick before I let you go: please follow @john_luzar on the Hellsite Formerly Known as Twitter, and/or sign up on the email list at showercapblog.com, and if you’re able, feel free t’donate a couple bucks to the beer fund.)

(And there’s a comic book! If you missed the Kickstarter for my WWII comic, Marguerite vs. the Occupation, you can pre-order a copy, for a limited time! It’s a nifty little book, you’ll like it.)