Grossest week in a while, wasn’t it?

Straight from the E. Jean Carroll verdict to the raw, human horror of that CNN town hall. Sharp drop.

The judge in the Carroll case felt compelled to advise the jury to avoid publicly identifying themselves, as doing so would expose them to harassment and possible murder. Sound advice.

Yeah, MAGA’s still ugly, if anybody out there was wondering. I guess we can keep yelling at each other about whether CNN should’ve loaned the little turd their platform in the first place, but I think it provided a fucking sobering reminder of the nature of the fight we’re in.

This is how a room full of Republican primary voters behaves. It’s who they are. There’s no secret legion of rational moderates, aching to hear Asa Hutchinson’s stump speech. It’s a mob.

It. Is. A. Mob.

Of course they jeered along with their butter sculpture strongman’s performative cruelty; the cruelty is, and always has been, the ENTIRE FUCKING POINT.

They like that he sexually assaults women. They like that he brags about it. We’ve known that since the Access Hollywood tape. They elected him precisely because he hurts people, and they hope to re-elect him so he can hurt people again.

“Makes me want to vote for him twice,” proclaimed one Thomas Tuberville, reminding the nation how he earned a spot on the Turd Reich’s Capitol Riot calling tree.

You know what? If a man of such unshakable Christian principle as Dr. Tuberville wants to single-handedly undermine the nation’s military readiness, who are we to object, with our pizzagating and our furry kid litter boxes?

Tommy wants more white nationalists in our armed forces, by the way. He said that to NPR. Good thing Doug Jones isn’t your Senator anymore, Alabama. You wouldn’t have anybody working so diligently to give the next generation of domestic terrorists the sort of training only the U.S. military can provide.

Hey, speaking, as we so often must, of our loser violence epidemic, the Texas mall shooter turned out to be a standard-issue MAGA loser, complete with Nazi tattoos, radicalized online by standard-issue MAGA losers like Tim Pool. (I’m told he was unavailable for the CNN town hall audience, being dead.)

Still, credit where it’s due, Republicans continue to offer sensible, good-faith solutions to America’s wacky gun conundrum. Fox put their deepest thinkers to work on the issue, and what they came up with was “have a plan to kill everyone you meet.” As Mary Poppins so memorably taught us, in song.

Marsha Blackburn proposes unleashing an army of gun-toting grandparents upon our schools, and what could possibly go wrong? We should definitely give a bunch of Newsmax-addled retirees the opportunity to act out their bucket list Rittenhouse fantasies, ideally in the vicinity of as many children as possible.

Meanwhile, Lauren Boebert is co-sponsoring federal legislation to make the AR-15 America’s “national gun.” Because it’s killed so many kids, you see. You wouldn’t want some sissy-ass gun that can’t even slaughter a classroom full of schoolchildren in seconds as your NATIONAL GUN, wouldja, ya groomer?

Anyway, we shouldn’t move on without pausing to honor the real victim of the Texas mall massacre: Representative Keith Self, whose religious liberty was riddled with a hail of rhetorical gunfire as vicious as any incel’s murder spree. Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this trying time, Keith.

These teasers for the impending Fox/Tucker shithouse knife fight are really working for me. I will order that pay-per-view. Go for it, creeps. Rip one another to shreds for a change, leave the rest of us the fuck alone.

Tucker’s teaming up with Elon now, presumably seeking to pool resources in order to capture Captain America, and strap him to some sort of experimental explosive device.

Speaking of, Ukraine shot down Pooty’s “most sophisticated missile,” but at least he was able to scrounge up a whole tank for his big “Victory Day” parade. That picture’s going in those history books you were aimin’ at, kiddo. Maybe even the cover. Lookit My Last Tank: The Humiliating Fall of Vlad…Vlad Something, Who Gives a Shit.

Ron DeSantis continues shrinking before the very eyes of anyone who still bothers to look at him. He seems to think he’s performing extremely impressively in that weird, embarrassing fight he picked with Disney. “They have not made a peep,” Ron boasted, which is nowhere close to true. They are literally suing you, my dude. They threw a Pride Night, legally gutted your lunatic “board,” and sued you.

Not a “peep,” though. Okay. Sure. You’re winning so hard, you should mint yourself a challenge coin, dawg.

A group of House Republicans are actually pushing a bill that would abolish the no-fly zones over Disneyland and Disney World. The GOP is gonna make Disney hate gay people, or knock themselves senseless trying. Forcing The Walt Disney Company to forsake LGBTQ rights and representation is about 35% of the Republican platform right now.

Which is odd, I think.

Anyway, Ron’s gonna traffic some more migrants. Next chance he gets, he’s gonna do that human trafficking thing he does, because he thinks it plays well with the Republican base. And he’s right, it does, it’s just that it’s not enough to keep up with the guy who’s inciting riots and sexually assaulting women.

Well, Johnny Law finally caught up to George Santos. Somehow. It’s almost a shame to see such a promising young grifter’s career cut short, and before he got a crack at the Saudi money, too.

I’m reaching out to the Federal Bureau of Prisons about a behind-bars production of The Producers starring Santos. Maybe Jacob Wohl in the Wilder/Broderick role. If we can get him. I’ll be in touch about financing at an appropriate time.

Of course, McCarthy needs Georgie’s vote to take the global economy hostage, so he gets to just…stay a Congressman, I guess. Thank heaven he’s being allowed to weigh in on such matters. George Santos personally launching humanity’s next Dark Age kinda tracks, though. Feels sufficiently biblical.

I like that James Comer is such a clown, even Fox shits on him. How’s it feel t’be that guy, Jim? The network that based the entire Big Lie on the ravings of an obviously deranged cactus artist finds you less than credible. Oof.

The National Review lamented the decline in teen sex, because that’s how fucking far over the rainbow we are, people.

Texas state Representative Bryan Slaton did what he could to address that imbalance, (allegedly) engaging in a sexual relationship with a teen intern. Bryan has resigned, but we’ll always have his anti-grooming legislation to remember him by.

I guess Eric Trump’s feelin’ litigious, cuz the Lügenpresse won’t let him hang out with his Hitler-promoting antisemite pals in peace.

Sometimes, I see headlines like “Milo Yiannopoulos Caught in Marjorie Taylor Greene-Kanye West Campaign Cash Scandal” and I worry that conservative politics’re becoming so normal n’ dignified that I won’t have anything to blog about.

Didja catch that great NBC story on the wingnut school board takeover in Woodland Park, CO? If you want a peek at what they’re hoping to replace all those Rosa Parks books with, check out the “American Birthright” social studies standard. Freaky shit.

Trump tactics at the school board level. Watching MAGA’s cultural ambitions congeal is pretty fucking gross, isn’t it? They want such a gross world.

Fuck ‘em. We’ve beaten ‘em before, again and again, and I guess we’ll have to keep on beating them while we wait for the long-term effects of ivermectin poisoning to kick in. Joe Biden, history has shown, understands how to beat ‘em. Like a dang drum.

We can do this all day, you assholes. Megyn Kelly convinced exactly zero of us to quit. Sorry, Megyn Kelly. Sorry, assholes.

I’m gonna turn this over to Mary Poppins for the sign-off:

Remember, children!

Never go to school or church unless you’re packing heat!

And always –

Children (in adorable unison): Always?

Yes, ALWAYS have a plan

To kill

Everyone you meet!

Stay safe out there, friends. It’s gettin’ weird again. It’s enough to drive a fellow to drink.