So you’re not a big fan of the white text on a black background look, huh?

Hello, friends. Hope you’re well. I am writing to you tonight from CECOT, having been deported for reposting chicken memes on social media. The delousings are a little more frequent than I’d like, but I got to meet Kristi Noem. I suppose it’s theoretically possible...

With the passage of the GOP’s reconciliation bill in jeopardy, House Republican deficit hawks held fast to their principles, ultimately resulting in fiscally responsible legislation that balances the budget for the first time in nearly…hang on, that’s not right. With...

The Turd Reich unveiled its new anti-terror initiative this week, a plan to bankrupt organizations like Hamas by diverting their funders’ budgets into bribes for rapist game show hosts. You have to feel bad for any NATO member nation that scrambled to dramatically...

Friends, I know things seem grim, but I think I’ve finally worked out a solution. All we need to do is convince the folks who created the very first cognitive test to replace the “is this a moo cow or a horsey?” section with a couple of questions about how tariffs...

I used to find the whole “first 100 days” thing kinda arbitrary, but that was back before I ever viewed a presidential term as something to be survived. Well, now that we mark the passage of time in terms of gulag avoidance milestones, we may as well celebrate, I...

So, they started selling Trump 2028 hats this week. Me, I might’ve held off on that particular assault on the constitutional order, for a moment less inundated with headlines about how everyone hates everything I’m doing, but then, I’ve never bankrupted a casino. Even...

You guys, it is so beautiful out today. One of the maybe three mathematically perfect spring days Chicago gets per year. Weather that cries out for day drinking. But alas, I must remain faithful to the vow I made to the original, Golden Age Shower Cap, when he...

With all due respect to my regular readership, I’m addressing this week’s post directly to the alien archaeologists excavating the ruins of our stupid, stupid civilization, which I don’t see lasting past Thursday. Okay. Greetings, alien archaeologists! Have a Twinkie,...

You’re probably seeing the term “mad king” all over the place this week, but I honestly don’t think that’s fair. What we’re dealing with here is a stupid king. A dumbass. An imbecile. A bag-of-hammers, thinks-a-cognitive-test-measures-intelligence,...

Golly, online dating sure has changed. Once upon a time, the worst you had to worry about was an unsolicited dick pic; nowadays, seems like you can’t log in without half the dang Cabinet sliding classified war plans into your DMs. Yes, in the Turd Reich, OPSEC stands...

Following the news these days is like watching the shittiest people alive furiously pound away at a Hungry Hungry Hippos board, where the marbles are, like, massive chunks of the federal budget, or our fundamental human rights. Ukrainian oblasts. Hopes for the future....

So, the Offal in the Oval wants to send troops to Greenland. I wonder if we shouldn’t let him. Given his recent success rate, we’d wind up a Danish protectorate inside a week. On the other hand, a war of aggression under our current commander in chief runs the risk of...

Man, I definitely needed the annual birthday week detox this year. Good to let the poison drain outta the ol’ noggin from time to time, y’know? Anyway, I couldn’t possibly have missed much, it was just one week. We didn’t join any axes of evil while I was gone, did...

Golly gee, a lot’s happened since last we met! Yeah, we’re a monarchy now, but also somehow the vassal of a rapidly collapsing petrostate prosecuting an illegal, genocidal war of conquest against a longtime ally. Shit moves pretty quickly these days. Do chainsaws not...

So, lotta shit going down these days, and I imagine you’re pretty bummed about most of it, but let me suggest this is largely a matter of perspective. If you’d only look at things from the point of view of, say, a crooked politician in need of a pardon, or a tyrant...

Hey everybody! Hope you’re well. Look, I know you visit Shower Cap’s Blog for a thorough chroniclin’ of all the MAGA madness, but I honestly don’t have much for ya this week. I think maybe one of those pardoned Capitol rioters had some minor legal dust-up, over unpaid...

Elon Musk tried to lock me out of my blog, but my password’s got an uppercase letter, a number, AND a symbol, so I’m safe for now. As safe as anyone can be, here in the shit-flooded zone that is…well, whatever we’re calling the landmass north of the Gulf of ‘Murica...

Hey, am I still allowed to blog? I have no idea what my rights are anymore. A couple dudes in red coats with muskets showed up yesterday, and I guess I’m quartering them now? Guess I shoulda read Project 2025 a little more closely, back before that executive order...

Okay, Reverse Xmas is almost upon us. Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night. A bumpy night that lasts four years. Plus, everyone else in the car will be shrieking and biting and farting the entire time. I begged my doctor to prescribe me a 1,460 day...