So you’re not a big fan of the white text on a black background look, huh?

Cap’s got your back. With this page. Here you can read my American Madness Journal entries the way you like it: white background & black text.

HUGS,

More Felonies Than Baskin-Robbins Has Flavors

More Felonies Than Baskin-Robbins Has Flavors

From a certain angle, the Dotard had his best week, legally speaking, in quite some time. No, think about it. Today, he stands before the public facing fewer felony charges than he has in months. Once, that number climbed and climbed, ultimately attaining a truly...

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Oh Good, We’re Talking About Reichs Now

Oh Good, We’re Talking About Reichs Now

  As expected, the pudding-spined mediocrity that passes for a strongman in America’s cut-rate conservative culture proved far too chickenshit to testify under oath, so the defense of the Republican presidential nominee rested, not with a bang, but with the merest...

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Brainworms, Dead Puppies, and a Rapist Who Longs For Incest

Brainworms, Dead Puppies, and a Rapist Who Longs For Incest

Let’s address the elephant in the room. Obviously, all the RFK Jr. brainworm jokes were long gone hours before my Friday night posting time. I don’t have some awesome, worth-the-wait, totally original, unheard RFK Jr. brainworm joke for you. Apologies. For about ten...

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Trump Trial Week Two: Still Sleepy, Still Cold, Still a Rapist

Trump Trial Week Two: Still Sleepy, Still Cold, Still a Rapist

At the risk of repeating myself, adjudicated rapist/GOP presidential nominee Donald J. Trump spent the week napping through his felony trial, though rumors of farting in his sleep are just rumors and democracy dies in darkness so we must assume he is only napping and...

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Marj in Charge, and Other Freaky Shit That’s Actually Happening

Marj in Charge, and Other Freaky Shit That’s Actually Happening

With memories of the divisive presidential primary fading faster than the idea of Ron DeSantis as a viable national political figure, MAGA Nation has turned peacefully inward, to contemplate the really big questions in life, like “is the rapist game show host we...

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We Have Always Been at War With Easter

We Have Always Been at War With Easter

Hi everybody! Miss me? I missed y’all! Y’know, I actually made arrangements for a fill-in blogger, but I had to pull her at the last minute after I finally ran the background check. All she told me at the interview was that her name was Ronna, and she was absolutely,...

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Shower Cap Will Return in (Insert Bond Reference)

Shower Cap Will Return in (Insert Bond Reference)

Hello, friends! Hope you’re enjoying your woke beers and your heathen potato toys and watching your furry kids defecate in taxpayer-funded litter boxes at school. In short, I wish you all the bounties of our lord Dark Brandon’s satanic reign. Go ahead and...

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Moses Supposes Erroneously (Yes, Again)

Moses Supposes Erroneously (Yes, Again)

We’ve been living through the stubbornly persistent golden age of conservative bumblefuckery for some time now, but I predict Speaker Johnson’s work in the field will ultimately stand up alongside the greats. Brownback. McCarthy. Reeves. Perhaps even the Dotard...

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If Moses Had Been This Bad at His Job, the Bible Would Be Shorter

If Moses Had Been This Bad at His Job, the Bible Would Be Shorter

  What an asparagus fart of a news cycle, right? Republican special counsel delivers a sneak low blow to the job-creator guy, sending allllllllll the shitty little Cillizzas of the political media scurrying gleefully to and fro, to squawk their favorite squawk of all:...

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Thirty Two Short Films About Hating Taylor Swift

Thirty Two Short Films About Hating Taylor Swift

Hey there, everybody. I know it’s been a bit of a week, and there’s a lot to get through, so if anyone needs to step outside to hate Taylor Swift for five minutes, I totally understand. Go for it. Don’tcha just HATE TAYLOR SWIFT? So much? Aren’t you literally...

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So I Guess It’s Down to Nikki Haley and the Rapist

So I Guess It’s Down to Nikki Haley and the Rapist

Aw, man, I thought he was gonna step on a few more rakes for us, just for old times’ sake, but perhaps there’s a limit to Ron DeSantis’ capacity for public humiliation after all. Either way, bowing to reality and his sphincter-mouthed orange God, young Ronward bent...

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Rapist Demands Immunity, Presidency

Rapist Demands Immunity, Presidency

What we need is a new word, yes, probably a German one, that would mean “laugh-out-loud embarrassing, but in a sufficiently fascist manner as to remain unnerving.” It’s that thing we’re all sick of feeling. I could use that word right now, since it’s time to talk...

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The Republican Frontrunner Thinks Magnets Break When They Get Wet

The Republican Frontrunner Thinks Magnets Break When They Get Wet

Well, the Iowa caucuses are finally upon us, and barring a Hail Mary from the weather manipulation wing of the Haley campaign, the babbling rapist who spends his days meandering from courtroom to courtroom, pausing periodically to demonstrate, for reasons which are...

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Armpits, Ketchup, and a Butt, and Other Causes of the Civil War

Armpits, Ketchup, and a Butt, and Other Causes of the Civil War

The madness tends t’be mercifully light at the end of the year, as Republicans nurse wounds sustained during family holiday card photo shoots. I certainly don’t intend to look this particular gift horse in the mouth; let’s make it a quick one tonight, and get back to...

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Wow, Santa’s Not Fucking Around With That Naughty List This Year

Wow, Santa’s Not Fucking Around With That Naughty List This Year

Well, having arrived at the “Jimmy Comer is hiding under the bed from Steve Doocy because he can’t take the heat on Fox n’ Fiendz” stage of the shampeachment charade, House Republicans figured the time was ripe to link arms and follow Kentucky’s kookiest kakistocrat...

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Keville Chamberlain’s Last Surrender

Keville Chamberlain’s Last Surrender

I’m willing to admit I may’ve overstated the dangers of a second Trump term. He’ll only be a dictator on “day one?” Shoot, that’s not so bad. We should all get twenty-four hours of tyranny, don’tcha think? On mine, we’re gonna round up everybody who holds up the line...

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