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HUGS,

Moses Supposes Erroneously (Yes, Again)

Moses Supposes Erroneously (Yes, Again)

We’ve been living through the stubbornly persistent golden age of conservative bumblefuckery for some time now, but I predict Speaker Johnson’s work in the field will ultimately stand up alongside the greats. Brownback. McCarthy. Reeves. Perhaps even the Dotard...

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If Moses Had Been This Bad at His Job, the Bible Would Be Shorter

If Moses Had Been This Bad at His Job, the Bible Would Be Shorter

  What an asparagus fart of a news cycle, right? Republican special counsel delivers a sneak low blow to the job-creator guy, sending allllllllll the shitty little Cillizzas of the political media scurrying gleefully to and fro, to squawk their favorite squawk of all:...

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Thirty Two Short Films About Hating Taylor Swift

Thirty Two Short Films About Hating Taylor Swift

Hey there, everybody. I know it’s been a bit of a week, and there’s a lot to get through, so if anyone needs to step outside to hate Taylor Swift for five minutes, I totally understand. Go for it. Don’tcha just HATE TAYLOR SWIFT? So much? Aren’t you literally...

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So I Guess It’s Down to Nikki Haley and the Rapist

So I Guess It’s Down to Nikki Haley and the Rapist

Aw, man, I thought he was gonna step on a few more rakes for us, just for old times’ sake, but perhaps there’s a limit to Ron DeSantis’ capacity for public humiliation after all. Either way, bowing to reality and his sphincter-mouthed orange God, young Ronward bent...

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Rapist Demands Immunity, Presidency

Rapist Demands Immunity, Presidency

What we need is a new word, yes, probably a German one, that would mean “laugh-out-loud embarrassing, but in a sufficiently fascist manner as to remain unnerving.” It’s that thing we’re all sick of feeling. I could use that word right now, since it’s time to talk...

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The Republican Frontrunner Thinks Magnets Break When They Get Wet

The Republican Frontrunner Thinks Magnets Break When They Get Wet

Well, the Iowa caucuses are finally upon us, and barring a Hail Mary from the weather manipulation wing of the Haley campaign, the babbling rapist who spends his days meandering from courtroom to courtroom, pausing periodically to demonstrate, for reasons which are...

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Armpits, Ketchup, and a Butt, and Other Causes of the Civil War

Armpits, Ketchup, and a Butt, and Other Causes of the Civil War

The madness tends t’be mercifully light at the end of the year, as Republicans nurse wounds sustained during family holiday card photo shoots. I certainly don’t intend to look this particular gift horse in the mouth; let’s make it a quick one tonight, and get back to...

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Wow, Santa’s Not Fucking Around With That Naughty List This Year

Wow, Santa’s Not Fucking Around With That Naughty List This Year

Well, having arrived at the “Jimmy Comer is hiding under the bed from Steve Doocy because he can’t take the heat on Fox n’ Fiendz” stage of the shampeachment charade, House Republicans figured the time was ripe to link arms and follow Kentucky’s kookiest kakistocrat...

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Keville Chamberlain’s Last Surrender

Keville Chamberlain’s Last Surrender

I’m willing to admit I may’ve overstated the dangers of a second Trump term. He’ll only be a dictator on “day one?” Shoot, that’s not so bad. We should all get twenty-four hours of tyranny, don’tcha think? On mine, we’re gonna round up everybody who holds up the line...

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Vape Pens & Poop Maps & Pie, Oh My!

Vape Pens & Poop Maps & Pie, Oh My!

  Probably the most disappointing thing about the Trump era is the way it proves we’ll never figure out time travel. Think about it, you wouldn’t’ve been able to step outside for a gas station hot dog in 2016 without encountering a dozen wild-eyed dudes in Pod...

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Ghost Buses and Kidney Punches: America is Finally Great Again

Ghost Buses and Kidney Punches: America is Finally Great Again

  Greetings fellow vermin! Say, is it just me, or is it gettin’ kinda fashy in here? Cuz that kooky Republican frontrunner simply refuses to stop talking like Hitler, and speaking as one of the “radical left thugs” whose “entire existence will be crushed when...

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Election Day is When MAGA Does What They Do Best

Election Day is When MAGA Does What They Do Best

Well, my efforts to escape into an alternate reality where James Comey kept his ego in check have yet to bear fruit, so I suppose I may as well chronicle the insanity in this one. Where I’m trapped. With the dumbest, craziest, shittiest motherfuckers in human history....

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Joni Hates Tommy, and Other Underappreciated Happy Days Spinoffs

Joni Hates Tommy, and Other Underappreciated Happy Days Spinoffs

  I hope your Halloween was as adorable as mine. All the neighborhood children dressed up as the House Republican Conference and played a musical chairs variant called “leadership election,” where the kid left standing became the “speaker-designate” and got...

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Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, Hey, Hey, Hey, Goodbye

Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, Hey, Hey, Hey, Goodbye

There once was a boy called Kevin McSomething, who ventured out into the world, looking to swap his soul for something shiny and hollow. The old witch who lived in the dumpster in back of the abandoned Blockbuster Video offered him half a pack of stale cookie dough...

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He Shall Be Known Henceforth as Kevin McLeadership

He Shall Be Known Henceforth as Kevin McLeadership

Remember, this is the Republican Party when they’ve had plenty of time to prepare. A presidential primary debate. The impeachment hearing they’ve dreamt of since Biden first whooped their boy’s ass. As we gather here to gape at ineptitude that simply should not be...

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