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HUGS,

Armpits, Ketchup, and a Butt, and Other Causes of the Civil War

Armpits, Ketchup, and a Butt, and Other Causes of the Civil War

The madness tends t’be mercifully light at the end of the year, as Republicans nurse wounds sustained during family holiday card photo shoots. I certainly don’t intend to look this particular gift horse in the mouth; let’s make it a quick one tonight, and get back to...

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Wow, Santa’s Not Fucking Around With That Naughty List This Year

Wow, Santa’s Not Fucking Around With That Naughty List This Year

Well, having arrived at the “Jimmy Comer is hiding under the bed from Steve Doocy because he can’t take the heat on Fox n’ Fiendz” stage of the shampeachment charade, House Republicans figured the time was ripe to link arms and follow Kentucky’s kookiest kakistocrat...

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Keville Chamberlain’s Last Surrender

Keville Chamberlain’s Last Surrender

I’m willing to admit I may’ve overstated the dangers of a second Trump term. He’ll only be a dictator on “day one?” Shoot, that’s not so bad. We should all get twenty-four hours of tyranny, don’tcha think? On mine, we’re gonna round up everybody who holds up the line...

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Vape Pens & Poop Maps & Pie, Oh My!

Vape Pens & Poop Maps & Pie, Oh My!

  Probably the most disappointing thing about the Trump era is the way it proves we’ll never figure out time travel. Think about it, you wouldn’t’ve been able to step outside for a gas station hot dog in 2016 without encountering a dozen wild-eyed dudes in Pod...

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Ghost Buses and Kidney Punches: America is Finally Great Again

Ghost Buses and Kidney Punches: America is Finally Great Again

  Greetings fellow vermin! Say, is it just me, or is it gettin’ kinda fashy in here? Cuz that kooky Republican frontrunner simply refuses to stop talking like Hitler, and speaking as one of the “radical left thugs” whose “entire existence will be crushed when...

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Election Day is When MAGA Does What They Do Best

Election Day is When MAGA Does What They Do Best

Well, my efforts to escape into an alternate reality where James Comey kept his ego in check have yet to bear fruit, so I suppose I may as well chronicle the insanity in this one. Where I’m trapped. With the dumbest, craziest, shittiest motherfuckers in human history....

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Joni Hates Tommy, and Other Underappreciated Happy Days Spinoffs

Joni Hates Tommy, and Other Underappreciated Happy Days Spinoffs

  I hope your Halloween was as adorable as mine. All the neighborhood children dressed up as the House Republican Conference and played a musical chairs variant called “leadership election,” where the kid left standing became the “speaker-designate” and got...

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Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, Hey, Hey, Hey, Goodbye

Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, Hey, Hey, Hey, Goodbye

There once was a boy called Kevin McSomething, who ventured out into the world, looking to swap his soul for something shiny and hollow. The old witch who lived in the dumpster in back of the abandoned Blockbuster Video offered him half a pack of stale cookie dough...

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He Shall Be Known Henceforth as Kevin McLeadership

He Shall Be Known Henceforth as Kevin McLeadership

Remember, this is the Republican Party when they’ve had plenty of time to prepare. A presidential primary debate. The impeachment hearing they’ve dreamt of since Biden first whooped their boy’s ass. As we gather here to gape at ineptitude that simply should not be...

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Romney Retires; Boebert Jacks Guy Off in Public

Romney Retires; Boebert Jacks Guy Off in Public

  Back in September, 2012, on the very night the famous 47% video leaked, I was approached by a man claiming to be a time traveler from the future, who snickeringly insisted I’d miss Mittens when his career in electoral politics finally ended. Naturally, I...

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“People Doing Poems on Aircraft Carriers” & Other Atrocities

“People Doing Poems on Aircraft Carriers” & Other Atrocities

  Well, the Republican Party continues its mad, manic spiral into authoritarianism, white supremacy, and violence, but on the other hand, Joe Biden is old, so y’know…both sidez, y’all. This is Chuck Todd, filling in for Shower Cap. And now, the news: The GOP’s...

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Hey, Did I Miss Anything?

Hey, Did I Miss Anything?

  Well, hello there. Been a minute. Let’s see if I remember how to do this. Orange Man…good? Do I have that right? Anyway, I’ve returned from summer vacation, ready to resume the fight to take the country back from the busloads of socialist groomer antifas, and...

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Friends, It’s Time For a Break

Friends, It’s Time For a Break

  Well, Walt Nauta and his boss got indicted, so I guess there’s a civil war now? Being American is so fucking embarrassing sometimes. Because wide swaths of the wealthiest, most advanced nation in human history have been overrun by aggressively overcommitted...

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Mummy, the Indictment Fairy Came BACK!

Mummy, the Indictment Fairy Came BACK!

  Boy, nothing enrages the shittiest people alive quite like Donald Trump getting indicted. HEY, YOU CAN’T ARREST THAT GAME SHOW HOST, I WAS WORSHIPPING THAT GUY! They want to insurrect again so badly, only they’re afraid they’d fuck it up like the last one. And...

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Joe’s Gonna Start Complaining About the Lack of Competition

Joe’s Gonna Start Complaining About the Lack of Competition

  Say, for such a young feller, this Biden kid’s got some chops. Yet another too-good-for-Fox-to-spin jobs report, on top of the nobody-gloat-till-the-vote-closes fleecing of poor Keville Chamberlain. Hey, House Republicans, if you’re wondering where Joe’s pants...

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