So you’re not a big fan of the white text on a black background look, huh?
Cap’s got your back. With this page. Here you can read my American Madness Journal entries the way you like it: white background & black text.
HUGS,

The Further Adventures of the Flatulent Rapist and His Loser Death Cult
So I see the Dunning-Krugerest fellow to e’er walk the Earth has decided to refer to his opponent, who dog-walked him so brutally in their one face-to-face encounter that he now curls up in the fetal position, sucking that runty little thumb of his, at the mere...

Say, Why Not Have One Really FRIENDLY Day Instead?
At the rate we’re normalizing this shit, within five years we’ll be lamenting the commercialization of the official Day of Violence. Your kids’ll come home from school hopped up on sugar from the candy in the lynched Pence piñata, and the whole family’ll gather in the...

Beware Adjudicated Rapists Offering Protection, and Other Unnecessary Proverbs
Don’t let the lamestream liberal media fool you, ladies, Donald Trump will be your protector. (“Protector” is a synonym for “rapist,” right? I missed a few English classes, back in the day.) Now, don’t worry your pretty little heads over the fine print, but some...

Pet Eating, Black Nazis…Are We Absolutely Certain This is Real Life?
Well, this time, the Secret Service caught the little dipshit before he could get any rounds off, but honestly, if you don’t get to wear a ceremonial ear diaper, does it even count as an assassination attempt? Anyway, we’re supposed to cut it out with the “rhetoric”...

Well, If I Absolutely Had to Pick a Favorite 2024 Presidential Debate…
In lieu of a blog tonight, I have composed an open letter, to the American Broadcasting Company, which I hope you, dear reader, will consider signing: Dear ABC and/or the Deep State, As something of a political junkie, it was with great interest I noticed the two-hour...

Strange Bedfellows and Useful Idiots. And Some Third Thing, Probably.
So, this blog site went live exactly seven years ago today, aiming to chronicle the kookiness of the kakistocracy-curious creeps who’d infested my beloved country’s government. And after each and every post, my most fervent wish has been to run out of material, to...

I’m Still Undecided, But I’ll Probably Wind Up Voting For Whoever Defiles the Fewest Cemeteries
Rich Lowry emerged, bloodied and barely alive, but beaming, from the deepest, darkest recesses of the Take Jungle, having been presumed forever lost in the dense underbrush of the DeSantis Can Still Pull This Thing Off, Dangit columns of the long-forgotten Republican...

Frankly, I Found Beyoncé‘s Speech Wonky and Off-Putting
поздравления, comrades! Operation Jade Helm VIII: Joy Buzzer succeeded beyond our wildest imaginings, and soon, we shall deliver these hapless “United States” into the tan suit-clad arms of our DEI hire and a mere assistant coach! Muah hah hah hah hee hee ho ho hah...

Tampon Tim’s Racist Tacos, and Other Dumb, Dumb Shit
Life’s just one long Downfall parody down at Marm-a-Lago these days, for the craven creep cabal brought low by the devastating simplicity of those two humble syllables: “joy” and “weird.” Plus, the Chief Creep got ketchup all over the printout of that nude selfie Kim...

Catturds and Couches and Bears, OH MY!
I’d like to dedicate this week’s blog to all those puritanical pundits out there, clutching their pearls to powder over the exuberant outpouring of couchfucker jokes from the rejuvenated American Left. Sure, JD Vance spends his entire professional life spreading...

Weird (Culture) War Tales
I’d like to formally retract any despair I may’ve expressed, or even felt, during the debate/ear diaper doldrums of late June/early July 2024. If there’s one lesson I should’ve absorbed over the course of 7+ years spent chroniclin’ the manic minutiae of MAGA madness,...

Hide Your Sofas & Loveseats, It’s JD Vance!
When last we met, we were in disarray, and I think we can all agree…it fucking sucks there. Traffic’s lousy, you can’t get decent pizza, and the less said about the water, the better. On second thought, let’s not go there. ‘Tis a silly place. Plus, we were able to...

Creepy Loser Cult Still Creepy, Full of Losers
Y’know, a failed assassination attempt should be the greatest thing that could ever possibly happen to a personality cult, but leave it to MAGA to make it embarrassing in less than a week. Ear diapers, you guys? Are you sure? I guess I’m worried that the guy who winds...

Better Projects Than Project 2025: Manhattan, Alan Parsons, Blair Witch…
Having never actually been in disarray as a Dem before, I’ll confess I don’t care for it. That said, in my official capacity, as a drunken internet loudmouth in a superhero bathrobe & luchador mask, I wield little clout in the weighty debates we face, which you’ll...

We the People of the United States, in Order to Form a More Perfect Union & Also Allow This One Specific Rapist to Commit Crimes…
Wow, what a super-fun week for left-leaning news junkies! You’re probably expecting the next CNN push notification to read, “You shoulda gotten that thing on your back checked out six months ago, oh well; also, your parents always considered you a disappointment.”...

I’ll Say I’ve Certainly Enjoyed Other Debates More
Well, I won’t keep you long, I’m sure you’re anxious to get back to the funnest news cycle of all time. It’s doomscroller’s delight out there on the information superhighway, an all-you-can-eat buffet of sky-is-falling thinkpiecery, and admittedly…the sky has seemed...

Rapist-Worshipping Death Cult Demands Religious Supremacy
You could almost forgive the wingnut disinformation apparatus their lazy-yet-brazen (brazy? blazen?) attempts to photoshop Joe Biden into a senility crisis, considering how difficult it must be to find footage of their own candidate where he isn’t waving at imaginary...

More Felonies Than Baskin-Robbins Has Flavors
From a certain angle, the Dotard had his best week, legally speaking, in quite some time. No, think about it. Today, he stands before the public facing fewer felony charges than he has in months. Once, that number climbed and climbed, ultimately attaining a truly...

Oh Good, We’re Talking About Reichs Now
As expected, the pudding-spined mediocrity that passes for a strongman in America’s cut-rate conservative culture proved far too chickenshit to testify under oath, so the defense of the Republican presidential nominee rested, not with a bang, but with the merest...

They Say Every Death Cult Winds Up With the Uniform It Deserves…
My, my, my, the Manhattan Criminal Courthouse has become the place to see and be seen for the proto-fascist sycophant set. It’s like Studio 54, only for excruciatingly dorky, power-hungry nitwits. “Hey, wanna play hooky from Congress to help an adjudicated rapist...