American Madness Journal

Man, I definitely needed the annual birthday week detox this year. Good to let the poison drain outta the ol’ noggin from time to time, y’know? Anyway, I couldn’t possibly have missed much, it was just one week. We didn’t join any axes of evil while I was gone, did...

Golly gee, a lot’s happened since last we met! Yeah, we’re a monarchy now, but also somehow the vassal of a rapidly collapsing petrostate prosecuting an illegal, genocidal war of conquest against a longtime ally. Shit moves pretty quickly these days. Do chainsaws not...

So, lotta shit going down these days, and I imagine you’re pretty bummed about most of it, but let me suggest this is largely a matter of perspective. If you’d only look at things from the point of view of, say, a crooked politician in need of a pardon, or a tyrant...

Hey everybody! Hope you’re well. Look, I know you visit Shower Cap’s Blog for a thorough chroniclin’ of all the MAGA madness, but I honestly don’t have much for ya this week. I think maybe one of those pardoned Capitol rioters had some minor legal dust-up, over unpaid...

Elon Musk tried to lock me out of my blog, but my password’s got an uppercase letter, a number, AND a symbol, so I’m safe for now. As safe as anyone can be, here in the shit-flooded zone that is…well, whatever we’re calling the landmass north of the Gulf of ‘Murica...

Hey, am I still allowed to blog? I have no idea what my rights are anymore. A couple dudes in red coats with muskets showed up yesterday, and I guess I’m quartering them now? Guess I shoulda read Project 2025 a little more closely, back before that executive order...

Okay, Reverse Xmas is almost upon us. Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night. A bumpy night that lasts four years. Plus, everyone else in the car will be shrieking and biting and farting the entire time. I begged my doctor to prescribe me a 1,460 day...

Well, apocalyptic enough for ya? Cities burning while a bloated, malignant, wannabe warlord sows fear and hate, visions of conquest contorting his already vaguely demonic countenance…I’ve read enough Conan the Barbarian comics to know this is gonna get worse before it...

Well, hello there. Been a minute. You’re looking well. Y’know, I almost got the smell of autocracy and overcooked steak farts out of my poor, battered cranium, but it appears break time is over, alas. So, a few days back, some soft, sloppy dork called Patrick Thomas...

First of all: fuck. To clarify: FUCK! Fuckity fucking fuck. That said, in the interest of balance, on the other hand: FUUUUUUUUUCK And to those who would counter, “MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUCK,” I say…fair enough. I see where you’re coming from. MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING...

Wow, is Election Day 2024 really just around the corner? Time sure flies, doesn’t it? Seems like only yesterday we were joyriding around this continent in powdered wigs, talkin’ about self-evident truths and inalienable rights, suddenly we’re watching a septuagenarian...

Say, this latest round of drama made me realize, Shower Cap’s Blog has yet to formally endorse in the 2024 presidential race. Well, I’ll be danged (all the way to Heck) if democracy dies in a tattered, beer-stained, superhero bathrobe and a luchador mask! Yea, though...

Greetings, fellow Enemy Within™️! Hope you enjoyed the lovely autumn week! The crisp weather, the changing of the foliage, the perhaps temporary absence of U.S. military personnel rounding us up into camps for disparaging Dear Leader! I keep coming back to the boiling...

  So I see the Dunning-Krugerest fellow to e’er walk the Earth has decided to refer to his opponent, who dog-walked him so brutally in their one face-to-face encounter that he now curls up in the fetal position, sucking that runty little thumb of his, at the mere...

At the rate we’re normalizing this shit, within five years we’ll be lamenting the commercialization of the official Day of Violence. Your kids’ll come home from school hopped up on sugar from the candy in the lynched Pence piñata, and the whole family’ll gather in the...

Don’t let the lamestream liberal media fool you, ladies, Donald Trump will be your protector. (“Protector” is a synonym for “rapist,” right? I missed a few English classes, back in the day.) Now, don’t worry your pretty little heads over the fine print, but some...

Well, this time, the Secret Service caught the little dipshit before he could get any rounds off, but honestly, if you don’t get to wear a ceremonial ear diaper, does it even count as an assassination attempt? Anyway, we’re supposed to cut it out with the “rhetoric”...

In lieu of a blog tonight, I have composed an open letter, to the American Broadcasting Company, which I hope you, dear reader, will consider signing: Dear ABC and/or the Deep State, As something of a political junkie, it was with great interest I noticed the two-hour...

So, this blog site went live exactly seven years ago today, aiming to chronicle the kookiness of the kakistocracy-curious creeps who’d infested my beloved country’s government. And after each and every post, my most fervent wish has been to run out of material, to...

Rich Lowry emerged, bloodied and barely alive, but beaming, from the deepest, darkest recesses of the Take Jungle, having been presumed forever lost in the dense underbrush of the DeSantis Can Still Pull This Thing Off, Dangit columns of the long-forgotten Republican...

When last we met, the regime was sulkily stalling the court-ordered removal of a certain game show host’s name from a certain arts center. Which I loved. You dorks wanna draw the humiliation out? That’s super hot, actually. There’s absolutely nothing sexxxier than...

I’d like to congratulate Kharg Island, the new odds-on favorite heading into the final round of Who Wants to be the 51st State, the hit reality show none of us can ever ever EVER FUCKING TURN OFF, where a somnolent megalomaniac races Vladimir Putin and his own rapidly...

Seems like only yesterday he dreamed of joining the titans of history. Alexander. Napoleon. The sort of dudes who make it into Bill & Ted movies, y’know? He was gonna tariff the entire world into submission and conquer Greenland and deport anybody who complained...

Hello, friends. Forgive my longer-than-expected absence. It’s just that, well, I fancy myself something of a humorist, and to wind up so overwhelmingly, effortlessly out-satired by the very target of my ridicule…it’s been humbling. “Dumocrats” GOD, IT WAS RIGHT THERE!...

Dearest Chums/Friends/Busloads of Antifas - NO BLOG AGAIN TONIGHT! My apologies. The good news is GENERAL WASHINGTON AND THE LIBERTY TREE #2 is coming together beautifully! The bad news is I’m woefully behind on about a dozen different fronts, and I need to take some...