So you’re not a big fan of the white text on a black background look, huh?

Well, shit. Kind of a slow news day, huh? Yeah, I seriously scanned my notes, thought, "slow day, I might not even post tonight."  A day like this would've made newspapers spontaneously combust in any other administration of my lifetime, but it struck me, for a...

I have no idea what the fuck is going on anymore, folks. Somebody stapled my feet to the floor of the carousel we call the news cycle, left me with nothing but 300 pounds of cotton candy to eat, turned on CNN, and ran away laughing. Whelp, we all woke up to the news...

Fucking hell, campers. The news is nuttier than squirrel poop these days. If the squirrel was like, a government lab test squirrel, administered copious amounts of LSD. Well, we don't have Spicy Sean to kick around anymore. He has finally been pushed too far, and he's...

FUCK, Y'ALL. Things've been pretty goddamn nutty for a while now, but today was like if Sid and Marty Krofft directed a Jack Ryan movie set in a Yes album cover. If the goal here is to gaslight the whole country, it is motherfucking WORKING. Let's start with the light...

Well, today we were treated to a fresh installment of the Roving Holiday where we get to read dozens of columns, think pieces, finger-pointing interviews, and leak-fueled-behind-the-scenes reenactments about yet another colossal failure by Donald J Trump (The "J"...

Well, I tell ya folks…six months into the daily debacle that is the Shart Regime, I must admit…I’m getting tired.

…TIRED OF WINNING! Just as I was getting home tonight, I saw that Mike “A Human Being Who Allegedly Enjoys Spending Time With Ted Cruz” Lee and Jerry “Mad With Power Now That People Have Noticed He’s a Senator” Moran decided to torpedo the Rube Goldberg Murder Machine known as the Senate GOP Health Care Bill. (I know that’s not what it’s really called, fuck you, I’m drinking.)

So, the Shart Administration likes their little theme weeks. “Infrastructure Week” and “Golf and Naptime Week” and “Jesus Christ Can’t We Find Anyone on the Planet to Replace Reince Priebus Week.” Today was “Let’s Show the World What a Bunch of Bumbling, Brain-Dead, Malicious, Jagoffs We All Are” Day.

Friends, when you wake up to the news that a giant iceberg the size of Delaware has broken off from mainland Antarctica to roam the oceans, see the world, maybe record a freak-folk album…you know that shit is still all kindsa cray.

Well, usually there’s been a fair amount of insanity by this point of a Monday evening, but Fox News tells me that all everybody’s talking about is Smallhands Magoo picking up a hat the wind knocked off of a marine’s head, so I guess there’s nothin’ worth writing about, huh?

Well, at this point I really am quite certain I’m plugged into the Matrix and the news is being fed directly into my brain by an alien bug robot that is also an aspiring espionage novelist. If, however, all of this garbage is actually happening, then it must be said that shit, as has previously been noted, be cray.

Kinda quiet today, huh? With SCROTUS and so much of his team traveling to Europe, the air seemed a little sweeter, didn’t it? A little less…sharty, I guess is the word I’m looking for.

Anyway, the Living Garbage Pail Kid is in Poland by now, where the compliant right-wing government has promised to bus in a crowd full of ringers to cheer him and loudly proclaim the normalness of his hand size.