For a moment, it looked like things might almost quiet down a bit for the home stretch, but now it’s sweeps week, motherfuckers, and 2020 is here to deliver one final atomic wedgie before leaving us to our fate. Look, we all know time’s gonna pass glacially between...

 So, everything is, obviously, still largely insane, but, I dunno...it’s starting to feel like maybe we’re near the end of the detox scene in Trainspotting? Like, we got through the baby-on-the-ceiling part, and maybe we’re finally approaching a point when life will...

 Don’t get me wrong, the addition of hope and anticipation to the customary outrage n’ despair cocktail has been a largely positive development, but, well, I may be feeling just a wee bit overstimulated lately. Anyway, I’m sure fourteen days of time passing like those...

 After four years in Hell, I am pleased to report the bastards have, despite their best efforts, failed to grind me down. In fact, there’s a spring in my step today, because since we last met, Dear Reader, I’ve had the distinct pleasure of voting for Joseph Robinette...

 October, 2020. I never thought it would actually come. Things are fairly insane, as we knew they’d be, but I admit I’m pleasantly surprised by the relative lack of signs which could be construed as compatible with the End Times mythology of any major world religion....

 God, we’re so close. We’ve known all along it would get worse at the end, as this human skidmark lashes out with all his might, backed by the terrifying power of the American Presidency. We knew it would suck, and HOLY BALLS IT SUCKS SO VERY, VERY HARD, but I think I...

 Sometimes I see the kids on the internet say someone is “having a normal one” when actually that someone is behaving highly abnormally, usually in a Look at This Screeching Freak sort of way. So when I say “the news is having a normal one,” I actually mean quite the...

 Like all of you, I’ve come to expect the worst of 2020, but I really thought Rick Moranis was understood to be off-limits. I’m gonna guess you don’t need me to tell you shit has been restaurant-quality cray this week, so let’s wade through this stuff so we can all...

 When I am old, I will sit on a rocking chair on my porch and children will periodically approach to ask Old Man Cap what it was like, living through the death throes of Donald Trump’s attempted fascist coup, and I will chase those little bastards away with my cane...

 It’s weird to be so confined, so solitary and stationary, while this mad age whizzes by on the screens of our little devices. It’s like being trapped, barefoot, on a treadmill made of sewage and broken glass that we can never, ever, ever, ever shut off. Yup yup,...

 So, the shitstorm refused to abate even long enough to let us grieve. We didn’t really expect it to. And we’re tired, sure, but we’re battle-hardened by now. Fascism relies on overwhelming the populace, pelting us with turd upon turd until we’re so worn down and...

 You ever find yourself watching the news, and suddenly wondering if somebody maybe gave Jake Tapper some bad acid and replaced his notes with long-lost outtakes from Naked Lunch? It can’t be just me. One of the ways we know we’re in Hell, like the Hell, and not just...

 I’ve certainly developed greater empathy for every old-witch-who-lives-in-the-woods/crazy-old-man-in-a-shack-outside-town I’ve ever encountered in fiction, now that I too spend my days in twitchy solitude, cackling to myself at seemingly random intervals. 2020 will...

 So, I see Dr. Fauci says we might have to live like this for another year or more, and I’m like, “don’t be silly, my vocal chords couldn’t possibly hold out that long,” as yet another news cycle reduces me to baying at the moon like a stray dog that got into Uncle...

 Longtime readers will recall that in previous posts, I’ve described life under the Turd Reich as like being trapped in a dryer filled with hammers and badgers. After all these years, I stick to that assessment, and I have to admit I’m impressed at the way they keep...

 I got stung by a bee last night, so there’s a chance that I’ve had an allergic reaction, and hallucinated this week’s news. I understand that it’s a fairly slight chance, but nobody’ll mind if I cling to it like a big ol’ o-shaped cartoon life preserver, right?...

 I feel like I’m trapped on a deserted island with nothing to eat but clown meat, and the clown meat has started to go bad, y’know? Anybody else feel like that? So, we’re finally at the place we’ve sort of abstractly feared from the beginning: Government Cheese...

 Life has been grating and unpleasant for quite some time now, so whoever decided we needed a solid week of the drooliest maniacs in the world, reciting their Mad-Max-by-way-of-Tucker-Carlson’s-White-Power-Hour fanfic, mid-meth overdose, in prime time...that was a bad...

 Look, I’m not saying quarantine is getting to me, but lately I’ve taken to writing EAT ME on everything in the fridge, because at some point, something has to make me magically grow right out of Shitty Wonderland, and I’ll wake up safe in my bed, right? RIGHT? C’mon,...

  Say, that DNC sure was a nice change, wasn’t it? Like pressing a cool cloth on America’s fevered forehead. A cloth damp with decency. And yea, alongside this cloth shall we offer the Barf Bag of Restoration, that the nation might purge herself of her Nazi loser...

 For a moment, it looked like things might almost quiet down a bit for the home stretch, but now it’s sweeps week, motherfuckers, and 2020 is here to deliver one final atomic wedgie before leaving us to our fate. Look, we all know time’s gonna pass glacially between...

 So, everything is, obviously, still largely insane, but, I dunno...it’s starting to feel like maybe we’re near the end of the detox scene in Trainspotting? Like, we got through the baby-on-the-ceiling part, and maybe we’re finally approaching a point when life will...

 Don’t get me wrong, the addition of hope and anticipation to the customary outrage n’ despair cocktail has been a largely positive development, but, well, I may be feeling just a wee bit overstimulated lately. Anyway, I’m sure fourteen days of time passing like those...

 After four years in Hell, I am pleased to report the bastards have, despite their best efforts, failed to grind me down. In fact, there’s a spring in my step today, because since we last met, Dear Reader, I’ve had the distinct pleasure of voting for Joseph Robinette...

 October, 2020. I never thought it would actually come. Things are fairly insane, as we knew they’d be, but I admit I’m pleasantly surprised by the relative lack of signs which could be construed as compatible with the End Times mythology of any major world religion....