American Madness Journal

Wait, Not All the News is Soul-Crushingly Horrifying, What the Fuck is Going On?
While shit remains generally cray, it must be said shit is substantially less cray than at any point in recent memory, and with numerous decrayification initiatives already underway, and new ones launching all the time, we may yet live to see the day when shit is...

The Turd Reich Falls! (…Directly on the MyPillow Guy’s Head, Apparently)
Figured I’d give y’all a little somethin’ to read while you’re waiting for the clerk to restock the champagne shelf. (Yer own fault for waiting until the last minute, there was always gonna be a rush) Anyway, the end of America’s first openly fascist presidency is,...

This Week in Hell: Bad Things Happen to Bad People, FINALLY (And the MyPillow Guy Was There)
It’s fascinating, looking at how folks’ politics evolved and changed over the last four years. Take me, for example: I used to consider myself primarily a gun control voter, but now the only thing I care about is shortening the interminable motherfucking lame duck...

Dear Republicans, Repeat After Me: “Consequences Are Not Kristallnacht.”
I confess it’s difficult to write today. I live next door to Vlad Putin, y’see, and he kept me up all night tap-dancing with glee at how easy it was to transform the United States of America from a superpower into a shithole, simply by tossing a few memes at...

Josh Hawley and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Fascist Coup Attempt
You think I could get away with the “I almost didn’t blog, the news was so slow” gag tonight? Like, I could write this super long paragraph about the Indians/Mets trade, really milk it, but ho hum, “otherwise it was pretty quiet out there” or some shit? Personally, I...

This Week in Hell: Everything is Stupid and Dangerous and I Hate It
I spend way too much time these days watching choosy Republicans choose fascism, for reasons that are awful and terrifying, of course, but also SO FUCKING DUMB. Like, I get the authoritarianism thing, but wouldn’t you rather be ground beneath the jackboot of a despot...

Is Josh Hawley America’s Next Top Fascist? Tune in to Find Out!
Ah, who doesn’t love the promise of a brand new year, particularly one in which the likelihood of the American President tear-gassing peaceful protesters in front of the White House is set to drop so dramatically? ‘Course, you knew 2020 wasn’t gonna let us go without...

Xmas Week in Hell: Still Awful and Stupid, Just Colder
Only thing I asked Santa for this year was for Xmas to bring me one day closer to Joe n’ Kamala’s inauguration, and I got that, wrapped tastefully, with a bow I can reuse next year and everything, but it must be noted, my stocking was filled with the same smoldering...

Okay, A Relief Bill, a Cyberattack, and an Ongoing Coup Attempt Walk Into a Bar…
With less than a month to go ‘til Old Handsome Joe’s inauguration, the Stoopid Coo is getting stoopider so quickly, I do believe we’re going to need more Os. The Coo is at least Stooopid at this point, and historians suggest we may yet attain levels approaching...

I Regret to Inform a Nation Already Drowning in Sorrow…A Democrat Has Uttered a Swear
This transition shit is killing me, y’all. Longtime readers know I’ve often likened life under the Turd Reich to being trapped in a dryer full of hammers and badgers. Ok, so the dryer has finally stopped now, and I love that, I do, but the badgers are still a...

Please! No More Winning! It’s Like a Goddamn Kesha Song in Here!
Look, I didn’t expect things to be totally back to normal by now; that’s obviously not a reasonable ask. At the same time, I feel as though we all expected the promised reduction in the daily delirium levels to have kicked in by now, instead we’re still stuck in...

For a Guy Who Hates Being Called a Loser, He Really is Losing an Awful Lot
I think I speak for everyone in asking, “Whose bright fucking idea was it to stretch out the transition so goddamn long?” It’s waaaaaaaay past time to start tossing all the ill-fitting suits and stale cheeseburgers out on the White House lawn. Get on with it.We’re...

Turns Out Things Get Kinda Zany When You’re Prying Power Away From a Death Cult
Y’know, I really do love worrying less about what the crazy man is doing with the power of the American presidency, but watching the Republican Party congeal into its next, apparently equally grotesque form is...hoo boy. It’s somethin’. Like, “oh, we’re keeping ALL...

“We’re All Mad Here,” the Georgia GOP’s New Motto
Ah, another wondrous, fun-filled week, trapped in America with an idiot death cult hellbent on playing chicken with objective reality. You can check out any time you like, but...well, you know. I’m not gonna lie, the winning has been spectacular, but watching the...

Losing Just Hurts More From Behind a Comically Small Desk
Well, I trust everyone enjoyed their long holiday weekend, and gave thanks for the extremely amusing ongoing downfall of one Donald John Trump, until recently the President of the United States, now merely an aesthetically displeasing perpetual motion losing machine....

All This Creeping Normalcy, It’s Like We’re Still in Hell, But There’s Cake Now
While it’s certainly better than Hell, I confess I have yet to find my footing in our current Limbo. Like, we finally shut the malfunctioning thrill ride down after four long years, and it’s certainly nice not to be flung through the air at a hundred miles per hour...

Everybody Enjoying This Sad, Silly Coup? Living in History Sure is Dumb.
What if they threw a coup, and only the densest, skeeviest, mouthbreathingest clown school dropouts showed up? I swear, the textbooks of the future are going to switch without warning to comic sans when they reach this stupid, stupid period in American history....

Lindsey Graham and Other Naughty Would-Be Autocrats
Greetings from the purgatorial asylum we are calling...the Transition. All this mad, wacky, falling action is interesting enough, I suppose, in a Seriously Fiction Just Fucking TRY to Top This Shit sort of way, but if we could skip to the part where we all get to...

Watching Donald Trump Lose, Over & Over Again, in Slow Motion, Isn’t the Worst Thing
Just on an emotional level, I find myself grateful for this transition period; if we switched from daily hate rallies to Biden-y normalcy overnight, we’d get the bends, surely. I guess I’m enjoying the leisurely stroll out of Shitty Wonderland, reminiscing about all...

Spread My Ashes at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, Dammit!
Forgive me if I’m a little off my game tonight, friends; I just feel a bit...I dunno, it’s hard to describe. It’s a vaguely familiar sensation, but I can’t quite place it. It isn’t dread, or disgust, or outrage, or any of the negative emotions one simply accepts as...

Wait, Not All the News is Soul-Crushingly Horrifying, What the Fuck is Going On?
While shit remains generally cray, it must be said shit is substantially less cray than at any point in recent memory, and with numerous decrayification initiatives already underway, and new ones launching all the time, we may yet live to see the day when shit is...

The Turd Reich Falls! (…Directly on the MyPillow Guy’s Head, Apparently)
Figured I’d give y’all a little somethin’ to read while you’re waiting for the clerk to restock the champagne shelf. (Yer own fault for waiting until the last minute, there was always gonna be a rush) Anyway, the end of America’s first openly fascist presidency is,...

This Week in Hell: Bad Things Happen to Bad People, FINALLY (And the MyPillow Guy Was There)
It’s fascinating, looking at how folks’ politics evolved and changed over the last four years. Take me, for example: I used to consider myself primarily a gun control voter, but now the only thing I care about is shortening the interminable motherfucking lame duck...

Dear Republicans, Repeat After Me: “Consequences Are Not Kristallnacht.”
I confess it’s difficult to write today. I live next door to Vlad Putin, y’see, and he kept me up all night tap-dancing with glee at how easy it was to transform the United States of America from a superpower into a shithole, simply by tossing a few memes at...

Josh Hawley and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Fascist Coup Attempt
You think I could get away with the “I almost didn’t blog, the news was so slow” gag tonight? Like, I could write this super long paragraph about the Indians/Mets trade, really milk it, but ho hum, “otherwise it was pretty quiet out there” or some shit? Personally, I...