Well friends, things’re more or less exactly the same as when last we met, which is to say, grease-fire-in-the-bath-salts-factory-behind-the-clown-college-level insane. So grab a raincoat and some galoshes, let’s wade through this sewage together, wheeeeeeee! As a...

 I don’t know about y’all, but the first post-Turd Reich Independence Day felt pretty dang sweet to this masked drunkard. The simple absence of cheap, banana republic military spectacles was a welcome departure, for a start. Ultimately, I suppose I prefer my assholes...

 Things’re gettin’ pretty good these days, huh? Seems Joe Biden came here to create jobs and eat ice cream, and neither appear to be in short supply. Of course, the Gulf of Mexico is literally on fire as I write this, a grim reminder that you can’t take your eyes off...

  So, a few nights ago, I was on my way back to the fridge for another beer when I clipped my left foot on my workout machine, really jacked the fuck out of the big toenail, and for the first time since I started this blog, the biggest problem in my life had...

 You’d think folks would be delighted at all the recent normalcy n’ prosperity n’ what have you, and yet millions (MILLIONS!) continue to screech NO! I WANT THE FUCKUPS WHO RUINED THE WHOLE WORLD BACK! Because they hate the same people, you see. With a decision-making...

 Addition by subtraction is REAL, y’all. Look at how much nicer life’s become with just ONE less cabal of fascist dipshits squatting in the White House. And as we keep on sliding down the path to reducing the supply of global pandemics, 2021 looks more and more like a...

 Life ain’t bad these days, huh? Sun’s out, stuff’s opening back up, and if you don’t stand downwind, you’ll barely even notice the stench of fascism as it takes root on the American right. Still, before we embark on a richly-deserved weekend of sweet, sweet normalcy,...

 Shots in arms. Money in pockets. Smilin’ Joe Biden’s approval rating holdin’ steady, even rising. Shit, if it wasn’t for all the crazed, violent white supremacists poppin’ up all over the place, we’d be on the brink of the best summer ever. Well, let’s chronicle this...

 I am absolutely lovin’ vaccinated life, folks. I keep going back to the normalcy buffet for extra helpings...you’d think I’d be full to bursting by now, but it turns out I’m just insatiable for the stuff. So much nicer than 2020’s incessant shitstorm. What’s that?...

 Friends, I am FULLY VACCINATED and living my best life, ushering in a bold new age of cancel culture in horse racing and shedding proteins all over every Real Murican I can find. Things’re so goshdarn shiny n’ happy these days, I can almost forget about the...

 Ah, the sun is shining, flowers have begun to bloom, and even now that second sweet dose o’ Pfizer rewrites my DNA in accordance with Bill Gates’ grand plan. Were it not for the GOP’s steady, methodical march towards authoritarianism, I might’ve burst into song by...

 Republicans have yet to find a test of human decency too basic to enthusiastically fail, so ain’t it great they’re not in charge anymore? The news has two settings these days: Democrats fixing shit, and Republicans running around, screaming and rubbing poo all over...

 Hard to believe that just one short year ago, the President of the United States stood amidst the wreckage of his catastrophic pandemic mismanagement, corpses piling higher by the hour, and told us everything would be okay if we all just injected a little bleach into...

 Holy heck, y’all, since last we met, my right shoulder enjoyed a saucy tryst with dose one of the Pfizer vaccine, which immediately transformed this mild-mannered poo joke blogger into a legit super soldier, sporting exotic powers like Maybe Having a Meal in a...

 They laughed at Warren G. Harding, but he was light years ahead of his time with that return to normalcy shit. Returning to normalcy is pretty fucking great, in my opinion. The more normalcy I return to, the more I like it. Lately, I find I have even less tolerance...

 The news cycle continues its slowdown, and though these quieter days take some getting used to, the change is mostly welcome. Even so, it turns out that a focused, contained return to the batshittiest Trump-era scandal levels can be tolerable, even pleasant, at least...

 Well, potty-mouthed masked bloggers aren’t quite eligible for vaccination in my neck of the woods yet, so I’m still trapped inside with nothin’ but the news to keep me company. Short version: the racist shitweasels recently removed from power for being racist...

 Y’know, the new normal may not provide quite as much blog fodder, but it sure is easier on the ol’ mental health. The news cycle is all Democrats helping people, people lovin’ it, and Republicans freaking the fuck out because folks seem to prefer progressive policy...

 After a brutal quarantine winter, I’m sure you’ll agree this week’s thaw has been most welcome. Actually, I found something really weird out on the back porch, once all the ice and snow had melted away. I almost didn’t recognize it at first, but I think...

 Look, I certainly appreciate that the poo-flinging howler monkeys are no longer in charge. And I realize that it is not reasonable at this relatively early point in time to expect a political environment in which zero poo is flung at me by zero howler monkeys, but...

 Hey, before we get started tonight, a quick pro tip for the savvy news consumer: laminate the daily paper before reading it; that way, when one of the many stories of ascendant American fascism inevitably causes you to projectile vomit, you don’t render unread...

 Lotta fun little stories this week about cocaine hippo personhood and zebra honeypots and such, and I bet having a funny animal news blog would be goddamn delightful. Alas, I’ve made…different choices. Well, let’s wade into this shit, shit ain’t gonna wade into...

 I never thought I’d wax nostalgic over the days when the sole purpose of the Republican Party was to make rich people richer, but now that they’re bringing equal guile and fervor to efforts to feed and grow their shiny new fascist death cult base, I confess I...

 This week has been…an unusually specific We Didn’t Start the Fire verse, and that’s all I’m going to say on the matter. You may want to put on something splatter-proof before proceeding. I mean, what the fuck. A whistleblower granted the world a terrifying peek...

 Kind of a slow news week, meaning American fascism creeped a little more quietly than usual, I suppose. Which is welcome enough, as is the subsiding of the Delta surge, certainly…I guess I just wish we’d managed to build a better world for John Hinckley to come back...