American Madness Journal

Well, apocalyptic enough for ya? Cities burning while a bloated, malignant, wannabe warlord sows fear and hate, visions of conquest contorting his already vaguely demonic countenance…I’ve read enough Conan the Barbarian comics to know this is gonna get worse before it...

Well, hello there. Been a minute. You’re looking well. Y’know, I almost got the smell of autocracy and overcooked steak farts out of my poor, battered cranium, but it appears break time is over, alas. So, a few days back, some soft, sloppy dork called Patrick Thomas...

First of all: fuck. To clarify: FUCK! Fuckity fucking fuck. That said, in the interest of balance, on the other hand: FUUUUUUUUUCK And to those who would counter, “MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUCK,” I say…fair enough. I see where you’re coming from. MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING...

Wow, is Election Day 2024 really just around the corner? Time sure flies, doesn’t it? Seems like only yesterday we were joyriding around this continent in powdered wigs, talkin’ about self-evident truths and inalienable rights, suddenly we’re watching a septuagenarian...

Say, this latest round of drama made me realize, Shower Cap’s Blog has yet to formally endorse in the 2024 presidential race. Well, I’ll be danged (all the way to Heck) if democracy dies in a tattered, beer-stained, superhero bathrobe and a luchador mask! Yea, though...

Greetings, fellow Enemy Within™️! Hope you enjoyed the lovely autumn week! The crisp weather, the changing of the foliage, the perhaps temporary absence of U.S. military personnel rounding us up into camps for disparaging Dear Leader! I keep coming back to the boiling...

  So I see the Dunning-Krugerest fellow to e’er walk the Earth has decided to refer to his opponent, who dog-walked him so brutally in their one face-to-face encounter that he now curls up in the fetal position, sucking that runty little thumb of his, at the mere...

At the rate we’re normalizing this shit, within five years we’ll be lamenting the commercialization of the official Day of Violence. Your kids’ll come home from school hopped up on sugar from the candy in the lynched Pence piñata, and the whole family’ll gather in the...

Don’t let the lamestream liberal media fool you, ladies, Donald Trump will be your protector. (“Protector” is a synonym for “rapist,” right? I missed a few English classes, back in the day.) Now, don’t worry your pretty little heads over the fine print, but some...

Well, this time, the Secret Service caught the little dipshit before he could get any rounds off, but honestly, if you don’t get to wear a ceremonial ear diaper, does it even count as an assassination attempt? Anyway, we’re supposed to cut it out with the “rhetoric”...

In lieu of a blog tonight, I have composed an open letter, to the American Broadcasting Company, which I hope you, dear reader, will consider signing: Dear ABC and/or the Deep State, As something of a political junkie, it was with great interest I noticed the two-hour...

So, this blog site went live exactly seven years ago today, aiming to chronicle the kookiness of the kakistocracy-curious creeps who’d infested my beloved country’s government. And after each and every post, my most fervent wish has been to run out of material, to...

Rich Lowry emerged, bloodied and barely alive, but beaming, from the deepest, darkest recesses of the Take Jungle, having been presumed forever lost in the dense underbrush of the DeSantis Can Still Pull This Thing Off, Dangit columns of the long-forgotten Republican...

поздравления, comrades! Operation Jade Helm VIII: Joy Buzzer succeeded beyond our wildest imaginings, and soon, we shall deliver these hapless “United States” into the tan suit-clad arms of our DEI hire and a mere assistant coach! Muah hah hah hah hee hee ho ho hah...

Life’s just one long Downfall parody down at Marm-a-Lago these days, for the craven creep cabal brought low by the devastating simplicity of those two humble syllables: “joy” and “weird.” Plus, the Chief Creep got ketchup all over the printout of that nude selfie Kim...

I’d like to dedicate this week’s blog to all those puritanical pundits out there, clutching their pearls to powder over the exuberant outpouring of couchfucker jokes from the rejuvenated American Left. Sure, JD Vance spends his entire professional life spreading...

I’d like to formally retract any despair I may’ve expressed, or even felt, during the debate/ear diaper doldrums of late June/early July 2024. If there’s one lesson I should’ve absorbed over the course of 7+ years spent chroniclin’ the manic minutiae of MAGA madness,...

When last we met, we were in disarray, and I think we can all agree…it fucking sucks there. Traffic’s lousy, you can’t get decent pizza, and the less said about the water, the better. On second thought, let’s not go there. ‘Tis a silly place. Plus, we were able to...

Y’know, a failed assassination attempt should be the greatest thing that could ever possibly happen to a personality cult, but leave it to MAGA to make it embarrassing in less than a week. Ear diapers, you guys? Are you sure? I guess I’m worried that the guy who winds...

Having never actually been in disarray as a Dem before, I’ll confess I don’t care for it. That said, in my official capacity, as a drunken internet loudmouth in a superhero bathrobe & luchador mask, I wield little clout in the weighty debates we face, which you’ll...

I used to find the whole “first 100 days” thing kinda arbitrary, but that was back before I ever viewed a presidential term as something to be survived. Well, now that we mark the passage of time in terms of gulag avoidance milestones, we may as well celebrate, I...

So, they started selling Trump 2028 hats this week. Me, I might’ve held off on that particular assault on the constitutional order, for a moment less inundated with headlines about how everyone hates everything I’m doing, but then, I’ve never bankrupted a casino. Even...

You guys, it is so beautiful out today. One of the maybe three mathematically perfect spring days Chicago gets per year. Weather that cries out for day drinking. But alas, I must remain faithful to the vow I made to the original, Golden Age Shower Cap, when he...

With all due respect to my regular readership, I’m addressing this week’s post directly to the alien archaeologists excavating the ruins of our stupid, stupid civilization, which I don’t see lasting past Thursday. Okay. Greetings, alien archaeologists! Have a Twinkie,...

You’re probably seeing the term “mad king” all over the place this week, but I honestly don’t think that’s fair. What we’re dealing with here is a stupid king. A dumbass. An imbecile. A bag-of-hammers, thinks-a-cognitive-test-measures-intelligence,...