American Madness Journal

Why are there so many
Nazis in the White House
Advising the President?

Nazis are bad guys
I thought we all knew that
I wonder where decency went

God, the obscenity of this day. Even without the violence and the tragedy, is there a lower moral hurdle to clear than "Denounce the bastards wearing swastikas and chanting Nazi slogans?" And when an American citizen is killed by a terrorist in service of one of...

Well, the news has been dominated for days now by a white supremacist terrorist attack, and the President of the United States' refusal to say "That is a bad thing, and Nazis are bad." (Re-reads the above several times to make absolutely sure it's an accurate...

None of this is really happening, right? Jake Tapper's on a peyote bender, listening to Floyd, he finally got around to that Syd Barrett solo album, and he's just freaking out and making crazy shit up now... ...right? Let's start with light shit. The Mooch is Looch!...

I tell ya what, maybe I've been blowing things out of proportion these last few weeks. Yeah, stuff really seems to have settled down, maybe all this worry has been for no- Oh, hang on. I'm behind on my cell phone bill, my data got cut off. Lemme pay that off real...

Things get quiet when the Velveeta Urinal Cake goes on vacation, don't they? ...a little TOO quiet, if you ask m- (JUMP SCARE as Sean Spicer leaps from bushes, cradling a contraband mini-fridge!) Yes, things may seem, at first glance, a little calmer than usual, but...

There's no fucking way all this shit happened since the last time I wrote one of these. It's been like, 23 hours. One short American day, and it's like a 13th Floor Elevators record fucked a Mark Leyner novel. WHAT THE LIVING FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY?...

Hey everybody. Are you like me? Are you contemplating installing windshield wipers on your eyelids to keep the never-ending hurricane of batguano from pelting you into blindness? It's understandable. Now more than ever before...shit be cray. Let's dig in. While the...

Hey folks, sorry it's been a while...I stayed up late the other night watching the health care vote, and then I WENT ON A BENDER, DRUNK ON MITCH MCCONNELL'S TEARS, THAT SHIT IS LIKE ABSINTHE WITH FLINTSTONES VITAMINS AND A LITTLE COKE MIXED UP IN IT. Anyhow, I woke up...

  Folks, I gotta level with you, I just don’t have it this week. Writer’s block beat me up, took my lunch money, and left me with an atomic wedgie I struggle even now to unpick. You would not believe the half-finished stinkers staring back at me from my draft,...

  Intellectually, we knew going in that we were dealing with people of low character and no discernible competence, but watching the MAGA GOP actually run the U.S. House of Representatives blows my fucking mind. My expectations were real low, you guys, but they...

  Writing about Republican politics is like babysitting the shittiest kids in the world, and honestly, I feel like these little assholes owe us a good, long nap. Never a moment’s fucking peace. Little shits. Ok, you kicked Ilhan Omar off the Foreign Affairs...

  Before we dive into the latest antics from Kevin’s kooky kakistocrats, let’s take a moment to remember the context: this is an audition, folks. This is the Republican Party putting its best foot forward. These are their church clothes, and this is their best...

  Zounds. Possibly the dumbest week yet, and I don’t say that lightly. From “Idaho Republican sorry for comparing women's health to milking cows” to “I want you to make me a shoe I can fuck,” this week’s news was determined to bludgeon our battered brains into...