American Madness Journal

Ask Not at Whom the Pineapple Flies, Mr. Trump; It Flies at Thee

Ask Not at Whom the Pineapple Flies, Mr. Trump; It Flies at Thee

  I feel like there are two kinds of news stories these days: those demonstrating the catastrophic consequences of empowering the rageful nationalism sweeping through the global Right, and the ones about America’s Republican Party looking upon those consequences...

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Vladimir Putin in the Multiverse of Consequences

Vladimir Putin in the Multiverse of Consequences

  In many ways, the universe has been telling humanity the same story, over and over again, for at least half a decade now, and the moral of that story is that Nationalists Cannot Do One Fucking Thing Right, on account of the debilitating inefficiencies of their...

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BREAKING: Right Wing Hatred, Idiocy Ruin Everything (YES, AGAIN)

BREAKING: Right Wing Hatred, Idiocy Ruin Everything (YES, AGAIN)

  If anybody had this week in the office pool as the one when the world’s many asshats would finally stop fucking more or less everything up, and let the rest of us just LIVE OUR FUCKING LIVES IN PEACE, you lost your fucking money, didn’tcha? Well, feel free to...

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Remind Me Again, Mr. Putin, What Happens When We Fuck Around?

Remind Me Again, Mr. Putin, What Happens When We Fuck Around?

  Y’know, I’ve been writing these posts for five fucking years now. I’m just…I’m really, REALLY ready to live anywhere other than here, at this hellishly inescapable intersection of idiocy and indecency. Someplace with better restaurants and fewer violently angry...

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In Putin’s Russia, War Crimes Commit YOU!

In Putin’s Russia, War Crimes Commit YOU!

  I feel like “don’t put assholes in charge” is probably the single clearest lesson of human history, and yet here we are again, dealing with the inevitable, catastrophic consequences of Putting Assholes in Charge. At the risk of upending an already contentious...

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Hitler, But Dumber: The Vladimir Putin Story

Hitler, But Dumber: The Vladimir Putin Story

  See, this is why you don’t let narcissistic assholes run counties. Because countries come with armies. We should have known, I suppose, that even war would find a way to be dumber in this age of fuckheads run amuck, but my God, it’s soul-crushing, how stupid...

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Knockoff Hitler Gets His War, and Other Unmitigated Horseshit

Knockoff Hitler Gets His War, and Other Unmitigated Horseshit

  Y’know, my greatest hope is that the need for this blog will fade with time, that the madness dies down, and the billions of humans who just want to get through this damn life with minimal bullshit will no longer be subject to the insane whims of the shittiest...

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Welcome to the Bouncy Castle Insurrection (Everything is Very Stupid)

Welcome to the Bouncy Castle Insurrection (Everything is Very Stupid)

 Didja see where CNN hired George Orwell’s Force Ghost as an on-air contributor? You’d think he’d have tons of useful insight to offer, but he mostly just yells, “I fucking TOLD you! Why didn’t anyone fucking LISTEN?” and cries. Which, looking at the news, I totally...

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I Got Yer Legitimate Political Discourse RIGHT HERE

I Got Yer Legitimate Political Discourse RIGHT HERE

 Y’know, the way I sorta judge how things’re going in this country boils down to, “is there more Nazi shit going on than last week, or less?” and I tell you, folks, since that fateful escalator ride what seems like a fucking century ago, the answer hasn’t been “less”...

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Ted Cruz’s Self-Respect, and Other Myths

Ted Cruz’s Self-Respect, and Other Myths

 I never know what to get anyone for insurrection anniversaries. I imagine the Senate Republican Conference is already up to its collective jowlsy gullet in pocket Constitutions, which doubtless remain unread anyway. Maybe just a picture frame? I can think of a few...

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2021: A Year That Can Eat My Whole Ass

2021: A Year That Can Eat My Whole Ass

 As you’re putting the finishing touches on your New Year’s plans, don’t forget: it’s not enough to merely drive a stake through 2021’s heart; you need to cut the bastard’s head off, burn everything, and scatter the ashes separately, or you’re gonna wind up with...

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Rapist-Worshipping Death Cult Demands Religious Supremacy

Rapist-Worshipping Death Cult Demands Religious Supremacy

You could almost forgive the wingnut disinformation apparatus their lazy-yet-brazen (brazy? blazen?) attempts to photoshop Joe Biden into a senility crisis, considering how difficult it must be to find footage of their own candidate where he isn’t waving at imaginary...

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More Felonies Than Baskin-Robbins Has Flavors

More Felonies Than Baskin-Robbins Has Flavors

From a certain angle, the Dotard had his best week, legally speaking, in quite some time. No, think about it. Today, he stands before the public facing fewer felony charges than he has in months. Once, that number climbed and climbed, ultimately attaining a truly...

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Oh Good, We’re Talking About Reichs Now

Oh Good, We’re Talking About Reichs Now

  As expected, the pudding-spined mediocrity that passes for a strongman in America’s cut-rate conservative culture proved far too chickenshit to testify under oath, so the defense of the Republican presidential nominee rested, not with a bang, but with the merest...

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Brainworms, Dead Puppies, and a Rapist Who Longs For Incest

Brainworms, Dead Puppies, and a Rapist Who Longs For Incest

Let’s address the elephant in the room. Obviously, all the RFK Jr. brainworm jokes were long gone hours before my Friday night posting time. I don’t have some awesome, worth-the-wait, totally original, unheard RFK Jr. brainworm joke for you. Apologies. For about ten...

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Shower Cap Blog
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Ask Not at Whom the Pineapple Flies, Mr. Trump; It Flies at Thee
Cap Reviews The Bellwethers’ “All I See” (Lil’ Somethin’ Different!)
Tucker Carlson: New-Age Testicle Guru, and, Amazingly, Other Equally Stupid Shit
Vladimir Putin in the Multiverse of Consequences
In a World This Mercilessly Stupid, How Could Sarah Palin NOT Come Back?
BREAKING: Right Wing Hatred, Idiocy Ruin Everything (YES, AGAIN)
Remind Me Again, Mr. Putin, What Happens When We Fuck Around?
In Putin’s Russia, War Crimes Commit YOU!
At Home & Abroad, Gaslighting Fascists Piss in the World’s Cheerios
Hitler, But Dumber: The Vladimir Putin Story
Knockoff Hitler Gets His War, and Other Unmitigated Horseshit
Welcome to the Bouncy Castle Insurrection (Everything is Very Stupid)
But, At Long Last, After Much Consideration, and With All Due Respect…Her Emails
I Got Yer Legitimate Political Discourse RIGHT HERE
I Never Expected Ascendant Fascism to be So Very, Very Stupid, Chapter LXXXIV
Hey, I Think My Blog’s About to Become Illegal in Florida, Neat!
BREAKING: Persecuted Republicans Forced to Drink Own Piss in Underground “Speakeasies”
Ted Cruz’s Self-Respect, and Other Myths
2021: A Year That Can Eat My Whole Ass
Little Traitor Boy, Here Comes Omicron, & Other Death Cult Xmas Carols
Rapist-Worshipping Death Cult Demands Religious Supremacy
More Felonies Than Baskin-Robbins Has Flavors
Oh Good, We’re Talking About Reichs Now
They Say Every Death Cult Winds Up With the Uniform It Deserves…
Brainworms, Dead Puppies, and a Rapist Who Longs For Incest
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